I Really Wanted To Go!

 This happened when I was in the 6th grade, but I think about it almost every Christmas!

Mary Beth was a new student at school and was in my class. She was friendly, but we weren't what you would call good friends. She was nice and didn't live that far from me, but our paths didn't cross outside of school.

One day in December, I heard that she was having a party. It sounded like it was going to be so much fun! However, I wasn't invited. That was totally unacceptable in my book! How was I going to get on that list?

I thought about it for a couple of days, and then had an idea. My church was having a Christmas service with refreshments afterwards. I'd invite Mary Beth, and then maybe she would reciprocate!

The next day in school I invited her, said we would pick her up and it would be fun! She accepted, but didn't mention her party. Bummer!

Regardless, she came with me and my family that Sunday evening, and we both enjoyed it. Especially the snacks and goodies afterwards! Then we took her home.

She thanked us as she was getting out of the car. She was halfway out the door when she turned back. "Rita, I'm having a party next Friday night. Would you like to come?" I'm thinking 'Is a bean green?' but calmly said, "Thanks, that sounds like fun!" "Great! See you in school!"

Mission accomplished! I was so happy. And the party was just as much fun as I thought it would be. We all brought gifts for the grab bag. Me and another girl planned to snag our own, and we did, ha ha! Hey: mine was a set of my favorite candy bars at the time so I really wanted them! 😋 Delicious!

After the party, Mary Beth and I became really good friends. Of course once you hit high school dynamics change. But we still considered ourselves friends. Even now, we've seen each other a handful of times over the years. I've never told her this story but she reads the blog pretty often so...now she knows what kick-started our friendship!

Happy New Year!

A Different Thanksgiving

It was a very quiet Thanksgiving, yet the silence was deafening. For some reason I kept going to the window and looking out, as though I was expecting someone. But I knew no one was coming. I wasn't even sure who I was looking for. Dad died in 2004, Robin in 2015 and Marie in September. Carl lives in Texas, Keith doesn't celebrate holidays and Clancy was spending the day with his ex-girlfriend.

 Yet I still made an almost 12 pound turkey (the smallest I could find), homemade gravy and the seasoned collard greens. Kitty made the rest of the meal, including the homemade mashed potatoes, corn, crescent rolls, strawberry cheesecake and sweet potato pie. I said the blessing and then we sat at the table to eat.

Nothing tasted like Thanksgiving to me. I ate very little because the food just didn't seem right, even though it was the same as it ever was. I finally realized it wasn't the food: it was me. I wasn't the same as I ever was. Even with my daughters there, I felt alone. I was too much in my head. I was remembering the last time Marie had Thanksgiving dinner with us when she lived with us, and how much she enjoyed the food and how happy she was. I remembered taking her on a drive one evening to see all of the houses decorated for Christmas, and how she loved the lights. Yep: I was missing her.

I believe it will be a different Christmas as well, but hopefully without the melancholy. I invited Clancy and Theresa over for Christmas Eve. Brie is going to go southern on us for Christmas dinner. I think that will help. Both of my daughters are phenomenal cooks, and with something non-traditional I think I'll be better about it. Time will certainly tell.

Why I Chew Cinnamon Gum

When I was a teenager, my best friends and I reached that age where we needed real information on men. So where could we get said information? That's right: Cosmopolitan magazine!

For those of you who may not know: Cosmo was/is a women's magazine for the 18-34 age bracket. Their description says, "People who are cosmopolitan have an air of glamour surrounding them, a sense that they've seen a lot of the world and are sophisticated and at ease with all different kinds of people". So what in the world were a group of 15-17 year-olds doing with this magazine? We were hoping to pick up some tips on getting boys and dating!

As the youngest of our group of friends, I had no business having anything to do with this magazine. I didn't date, had failed sex ed as a freshman and was just naïve in general. But I wanted to be like my friends so I oohed and ahhed over the articles like I had a clue what they were talking about. However, since they were way more experienced than I was, my friends had more than an inkling!

So as a 15-year-old, the only things that really caught my eye were some of the fashions (not that I was mature enough to wear what those ladies were barely wearing!) and I liked the makeup tips (not that I wore makeup!). But the best thing was at the end of the magazine they always had a short story that I would always read voraciously since I fancied myself quite the writer even at that tender young age. As a matter of fact, I thought about contacting Cosmo to see if they would consider serializing one of my books and running a chapter or two a month so I could be rich and famous! Granted, I couldn't quite write anything remotely resembling the sex scenes that were in the magazine (still can't!) but I was willing to give it a whirl. Yep, we see how that turned out, ha ha. But hope springs eternal!

After all of this time, I'm going to tell you what my main takeaway was from years of poring over Cosmo until I finally stopped reading it maybe 15 years ago. One of the articles was about what would make you unforgettable to a man. It included the 3 scents men can't resist: musk (as a teen I bought some Jovan Spring Musk cologne), vanilla (not my favorite scent so that wasn't going to work) and cinnamon. Bingo! To this day I still only chew cinnamon gum and use cinnamon Altoids.  Yet surprisingly I'm still not married. Thanks a lot Cosmo! No wonder I stopped reading you 😕 But at least my breath is always amazingly fresh 😉

First in the Garbage

Halloween was just over a week ago, and I always wonder: why do people give out yucky candy?

Of course one kid's yuck is another kid's yum, but some bad candies are just universal. Here is my Top 10 list of worst candies, in no particular order except for number one. Do you agree?

10. Necco wafers. Is it chalk? Is it plaster? Is it a Tums? Nope, because those items taste better! It's kind of dusty, and the colors have nothing to do with any kind of flavor and they're hard. Why do you hate children?

9. Circus peanuts. They are neither peanuts nor something you'd find at the circus. It's like stale, hard orange marshmallow in the shape of a peanut, and it squeaks when you're finally able to bite into it. Does anyone really eat those?

8. Good and Plenty. Plenty? Yes. Good? H to the no. I believe they get their flavor from licorice extract, or black licorice and that is not a good flavor. Why would anyone give that to a kid? 

7. Milk Duds. It's all in the name. Dud. It doesn't even try to taste like real chocolate and it majorly sticks to your teeth. No time for that!

6. Butter Mints. My mother loved these. They are those really soft pillow-shaped mints that like dissolved in your mouth. I remember when my brothers were in Boy Scouts, they sold tins of these 'pillow' mints as a fundraiser. My mother always bought more than one tin and would enjoy every single one of those mints. Ugh. Have at it Marie!

5. Tootsie Rolls. Goes along with Milk Duds. It's the Yoo-Hoo of candy. It isn't really chocolate, sticks to your teeth and it's a lot of work for very minimal, if any, satisfaction. It's like what you would eat if you were allergic to chocolate.

4. Raisinets. Just stop.

3. Black licorice. First of all, if you eat too much of it, it can cause life-threatening health complications. Besides that: it tastes gross.

2. Sugar Daddy. It tries to look like a lollipop because it has a stick, but it will take your teeth out if you bite it. It kind of tries to look like chocolate, but it's caramel. It's good if you're trying to lose a filling, because you will.

1. Candy Corn. There is absolutely nothing tasty about this. The colors do not equate to flavors. They are nothing but calories and sugar. The only good thing about this is you can invert them, stick them onto your teeth and call them fangs. You know you did this as a kid! At least that way you didn't have to eat them!

These are the candy types that end up in the garbage first. With that being said: what's on your list?

 

I'll Pass on the Pecan Pie

 This is a quick one, and it's about another odd occurrence.

Thursday, October 12th, I got to work late because my little Vivian was sick. She's fine now and as entitled as ever, thank goodness!

Anyway, I got to work at 12:30 and went to check my email, as usual. I checked my work email and took care of a couple of things. Then I went to take a quick look at my own email. I saw that I had an email from Tate's Bake Shop of Southampton. Yum! What delicious cookies or loaf cakes did they have? The subject line read "Pecan Paradise Returns!" I love pecans so I quickly clicked on it.

Imagine my utter shock when I opened it and this is what I saw:

My mother has NEVER used a computer. She had no email address, and the only person in the family who ever ordered from Tate's was me. So what the heck...? If you look in the upper right hand corner, you see the date is October 12th and says it was four days ago as today is October 16th. So again: WTH? 

And just for the record: although I don't believe I've ever even tried pecan pie, I'm sure it would be too sweet for me to enjoy. But Marie liked it!

So there she is: still messing with me. I wish I could have seen my own face when I saw the greeting on that email! But I guess that's her way of letting me know she may be out of sight: but she doesn't let herself be out of mind!

Not Quite Gone...?

 Usually when someone in my family passes, they turn up in a "dream" or "visit" to me. Apparently that tradition is still holding!

Early Saturday morning, I had this dream. I was in my bedroom and there was not only Marie, but she brought Robin with her! I saw Robin's face and she was laughing. I didn't see Marie's face, just the back of her head, but I recognized her voice and hair. So she's saying, "I think I want to take a nap." I said, "Not in my bed!" She said, "Why not?" and I replied, "because you like to cuddle!" At this point she laughed and laughed, and then got in my bed! Robin was laughing and I said, "I'm not getting in there with you!" Then they were both gone and I woke up. Crazy!

Thankfully, the girls went to the gym so I had the house to myself. I cuddled on the couch with the 2 puppy-heads to catch up on the Young and the Restless (don't judge me). It had just gotten to the part where everyone was gathered for Jack and Diane's wedding reception, when all of a sudden I heard this loud CRASH that scared me and the puppies. I jumped and looked around. There, on the floor, was the picture of my parents! It had fallen off of the wall with no provocation. Gingerly, I approached the picture. The glass wasn't broken and the command hook was still securely on the wall. I set the picture up on the floor and decided maybe it wasn't such a good idea having it on the wall! I'd have Kitty hang it up in her room. Seriously!

When the girls got home and Brie discovered I hadn't eaten yet, she offered to take me to the Peppermill for a quick bite. I needed something comforting, like their hot turkey sandwich. We sat in a booth with my back to the parking lot, and kibitzed with Kelly the waitress. All of a sudden I was attacked from behind! A plastic plant, that had been sitting on the windowsill minding its own business, decided to fall into my hair! Or maybe someone ghostly had pushed it into my hair. Regardless, Kelly was trying to disentangle the flowers from my hair, which was quite an undertaking. Brie was laughing and Kelly was giggling and asking what happened. I said, "You saw it! The plant attacked me!" There was nothing indicating any sonic booms, earthquakes, doors slamming to make that plant fall. It was Marie!

Apparently she wants me to know she's still hanging around, making her presence known. There's no need for her to play tricks on me. I think she wants me to know that she is still around, keeping an eye on me. Which is fine. But no need to throw plants at me!

Kitty ended up hanging the picture back up that day, and it has been peacefully staying in place. Thank goodness!

I Need a New Sweater

 Even though Marie and I had our ups and downs, this is one of my favorite memories of an up time.

One Saturday several years ago, she called me. "What are you doing?" "Nothing," I answered. "Oh good. Can you take me to JC Penney to buy a sweater?" "Okay."

So I picked her up and proceeded to head for the mall. "We don't have to go to the mall." "We don't? But you wanted to buy a sweater." "No I don't. I just needed to get out of that house for a while!"

I had to laugh at that. Every so often she did need a break from the family members that lived with her. I certainly understood it! "Okay then, where do you want to go?" "How about the Peppermill?" I turned the car around and took her to her favorite hometown restaurant, which was actually about four blocks from her house!

This began a tradition: she would call me to 'go buy a sweater', and we would sneak out for a late lunch. Each time we returned to her house sweater-less, Robin would look at us in confusion. "Where is the new sweater?" Marie would say, "Oh, they didn't have anything I liked," or "I wanted a cardigan and they didn't have any," or "They had awful colors!" Then Robin would say, "Maybe you need to go someplace other than JC Penney!"

That bought us more time! So now we would say we were going to Peter Harris, or Sears, or Walmart, or TJ Maxx to find the ever elusive cardigan. And no one was ever any the wiser!

I enjoyed those lunches with Marie. It's sad to know that I won't have a chance to have any more with her...

Oh, and for Christmas that year surprise, surprise: Robin got her a cardigan sweater! 😄

I Knew it Would Be One Day...

 You know it's going to be one day, but you never expect it to be that particular day. I was at work on September 22 when my cell rang. The caller ID said Elderwood, which is where Marie was. I answered and was told that I might want to come see her as soon as possible, since they didn't believe she would make it through the weekend. I called Brie, who said she would drive me. I texted Clancy, who said he and Keith would visit her the next day. But I told him they might want to go up that day because there were no guarantees.

Brie and I got there and I went to Marie's room. Wow, she looked so tiny in her bed. Of course she was only 4'11" but had lost weight. I told her I was there and she opened her eyes a couple of times to see me. I had made a gospel playlist on my phone and played some of her favorite songs as I talked to her. I apologized for some things, told her I loved her, told her some funny stories while I rubbed her hand and stuff. I didn't want any regrets and wanted her to be at peace too. Finally Keith and Clancy got there and I moved to the background so they could talk to her. Of course she opened her eyes for them for a few minutes because they were her boys, ha ha. I knew this was hard on them but they held up pretty well. Then it was time to go.

The final call came first thing Sunday morning and I knew even before I saw the caller ID. She passed September 24, 2023 and I told them I would be up as soon as I got a hold of Clancy. I was glad that it was just he and I, since it was hard seeing Marie with no life left in her. I again told her I loved her, as did Clancy, and we collected her personal effects: donating the clothes. When I opened her nightstand, I found a container full of cards; and also a memory scrapbook full of pictures and captions of her family! My cousin Kathy had made it and sent it to her. It was amazing, and I'm so glad I found it. I was so happy to see so many indications of the love people had for her.

I don't think I'll ever forget how she looked. Not in a bad way, because to me it looked like she had inhaled her last breath and then passed. However, I know she exhaled that breath in Heaven. Hallelujah!

Her wake was 10.1.2023, and her funeral was 10.2.2023 and she is buried with my father in the Saratoga National Cemetery. I am so grateful for everyone that came (especially my cousin Ann who came up from North Carolina),  everyone that sent flowers and cards, emails and texts. The kind gestures were very much appreciated.

There is a lovely framed photo of my parents that Kitty hung in our living room.  I like having it there.

Marie, I'm glad that you are happy and healthy and with your loved ones that passed before you. Cuddle Pumpkin for me, and try to be nice to Victoria! 😘 You will be missed.

"I will arise, I will go to Jesus, He will embrace me in his arms, In the arms of my dear Savior, There will be 10,000 charms."

Just a couple of her beautiful arrangements. Much love to you all.

The Commercial Continues!

As usual, I had recorded my soap and was watching it one day last week. I had been fast forwarding through the commercials, but I was playing a game on my phone too (Queen of the multi-taskers!). All of a sudden, I heard a commercial start and I glanced at the screen to see my nemesis: the Jardiance commercial gal. However, there was something different about it. So I rewound it...

And found that it was Part II! For some reason, home girl was on a bus heading out of town, instead of coming out of her apartment building. Where was she going? I wondered. The bus stops, she fist bumps some random guy sitting up front, then she hops off in another part of town. She heads for the new town square to sing about the magnificence of Jardiance, the little pill with a big story to tell, while doing her usual dancing wearing the same blue outfit.  

But then: the plot thickens. The man at the fruit stand is grooving, then he spots home girl and of course she has to go dancing over to him. But unlike with the mailman of the previous commercial, this time it seems more...intimate. Eye contact, smiles and when her "handler" comes over to get her, the fruit man makes sure to touch her shoulder. I immediately think 'she's cheating on the mailman with the fruit grocer'!! The utter audacity! No wonder she had to take a bus out of town.

From there, the commercial goes back to her going to the stylist who again gives her this yellow dress with big red flowers plastered all over it, she has her hair and makeup done by the same dry brush and blow dryer on her already dry hair; and then it's back to the fountain to awkward dance to the end of the commercial.

Needless to say, I was nonplussed. What a 'ho! The poor mailman is probably waiting to deliver her mail, and she's dancing around in another town with another guy. Obviously, she wants a man with his own business, not a government employee. 

I was so annoyed I saved the soap so I could show Brie the commercial, and she could share my outrage. Instead, she said, "What is the matter with you?" or something to that effect. "It's a commercial!" "But why did she have to leave town?" "To spread the word about Jardiance!" "Well she didn't need to be all up on that other man. 'Ho!" Needless to say, Brie was done with me at this point. However, I stand by the postman.

I can't wait to see who she's with when Part III rolls around, as she spreads her 'ho-dom and news about Jardiance to the next town! Oh you know there's more to come so stay tuned! 😀

Easy Peasy!

 Several months ago I found out that I had a large cataract in my left eye. I was sent to an ophthalmologist because I needed surgery.

I liked the doctor, but it would be another six months before my surgery was scheduled. So that gave me half a year to worry. In the office, I had seen a video of the laser procedure, and it didn't seem terrible. That made me feel better...right up until the nurse told me that for the laser procedure, I had to pay $1450 out of pocket. I said, "Since that isn't going to happen, what do you do: use a spoon to scoop out the cataract?" Oh how they laughed! But I was serious! Then the doctor proceeded to tell me how they used to do it years ago, and I started wondering: is sight really that important? 😎 The right eye seemed okay still. But then I put my big girl panties on and decided I had to have the surgery. Then he said I had to be awake for it. WTH? How was that going to be accomplished, because if I saw a needle or anything coming towards my eye, it was going to be a wrap.

Then he explained that I wouldn't feel a thing, or even see anything going towards my eye. This would be accomplished by them dousing my eye with numbing solution, antibacterial solution and God only knows what else. He said after that, the only thing I would see would be like looking through a kaleidoscope: nothing but colors. I had no other choice but to trust him. Ugh.

I started doing my $45 eye drops a week before the surgery. I figured they must be made of molten gold but I did what I was told. The day of the surgery arrived and Brie drove me to Latham where the procedure was to take place. They told me to take a seat and I would be called in shortly, as they called your name and then the doctor's name. One doctor had six patients called in before me. I was wondering how he could have done all of these patients so fast, and then I was called. When I was led into the back: I saw all of these patients lined up in recliners, so that was how they were all called in a row. Anyhoo, they had me sit in one of the recliners, and this is so they can lean you back and douse your eyes with 3 sets of 5 eyedrops so your eye is swimming. But as long as it did the trick of keeping me from seeing or feeling anything, I was okay with that. 

The worst thing about this was that it took the anesthesiologist 4 times to get the needle in a vein in my hand for the "relaxer". I told him he  had one more chance and then they had better call in a "vampire" to do it. He finally got it in. Side note: they tell you not to eat or drink anything before the surgery, then by the time you get there you're dehydrated so naturally it's tough to get a good vein! But I digress...

The funny thing that happened was while they were dousing my eye this man came into my section. He saw me and winked and smiled at me as he washed his hands. I was thinking, hmm, who's this cutie? Is he flirting with me, while I'm wearing a mesh cap on my head and mesh booties? NOPE! It was actually the doctor! For some reason he looked totally different than he did in the office. I actually told him that when he came over to see how I was doing, and he laughed. "Everybody tells me that!" he said. It's true. So ix-nay on the irting-flay, ha ha .

Finally they wheeled me into the surgery suite. The doctor said they were going to begin, and I asked the nurse what time it was. She said 12:15. Then, true to what they had told me, I only saw colors and a brief glimpse of the doctor. I felt nothing!! When it was over I asked the nurse again what time it was and she said 12:30. It only took 15 minutes and I didn't feel a thing, for which I was so thankful!

After a brief time of being in the recovery room, drinking water to be sure the "relaxer" hadn't upset my system, I was free to go. Brie was in the lobby and after being wheeled to the door she came and got me. I had a clear plastic "eye patch" taped over my eye, directions for home care and that was it. Easy peasy! It was so easy that I'm going to get the other one done in December, so they will be the same. That cataract isn't as bad and the doctor said I could wait a year or so to get it done, but I don't want one eye to be that much ahead of the other. Plus, since it's only 2 days of downtime because you can't drive for 24 hours, I won't have to use any of my personal PTO if I do it over the Christmas break.

Eyedrops for almost a month; and at the most recent follow-up my eye is now 20/20! So that makes the drowning of the eye worth it. I went from hating eyedrops to being an expert at getting them in. That's a win for sure. My advice is if you need cataract surgery: get it done! It's so worth it. And contrary to popular belief: your eye looks no different but the world certainly does! 

The Trumpet Sound...?

 I love it when a short post writes itself!

I'm at work and it will be lunch time soon. I was invited to lunch by a co-worker and went into the restroom to you know: check out my hair and outfit and stuff. Anyhoo, I'm looking in the mirror and thinking about what might be on the lunch menu at the Silo, believing all is right with the world.

Suddenly, I hear this very weird sound: almost like an elephant deep-trumpeting. What the heck? Then I hear it again, only a little louder.  Is anyone else hearing this, I wonder? Then it sounds a third time and what goes through my mind but: is this the trumpet call of Jesus? If it is then I was in trouble because I was still standing there!

I have been a saved Christian for most of my life. Never had a doubt in my mind that when the Rapture happened I'd be caught up in the twinkling of an eye to see Jesus. But to still be standing in the work restroom made me think real quick. Was there something I hadn't been doing correctly? Had I repented of all my sins? Had I said my prayers last night? I missed church yesterday but that was because I was sick, yet still did church from home...

Yes: these errant thoughts immediately went through my mind. And then I had to chuckle to myself. That couldn't have been the trumpet call, because I'm sure Jesus's trumpet sounds better than an elephant. Besides, prophecy up to the Rapture hasn't been fulfilled as of yet. Whew!

Thankfully I ran into my co-worker Cindy in the hallway, who assured me that the sounds were the workmen finishing up their work in the upstairs café. But as I went to my desk, I still looked around to be sure there weren't any empty clothes lying on the floor!  😉

** If you aren't familiar with the Rapture, read the book of Revelation or reach out to me: I'd be glad to discuss it with you! 

Hands to Home

 I have a lot of male friends. Men I've known since elementary school, men I've met through work, and husbands / boyfriends of my good friends. I adore them and they treat me respectfully, and no boundaries are ever crossed. When we meet up we usually hug: especially since during covid no one saw or had any face to face contact with anyone for a year or two.

There are also men that are acquaintances whom I like, but there's no contact. These guys could be my male co-workers, men from church and the like. It's like an unspoken rule that we all know about.

With that being said, let me tell you what happened to me last month, and it still irks the heck out of me.

July 1st, my daughters and I were at our favorite local restaurant having Kitty's birthday dinner. Yes, that isn't her actual birthday but you know we have to start celebrating early! Anyhoo, we were waiting for our food when a guy who is barely an acquaintance comes in with his wife and another woman. He sees me and waves, and I wave back. That was the end of it. I have never met his wife.

His party ended up finishing their meal before we did, and his wife and the other woman went outside or to the car while he went up to the counter to pay. I thought absolutely nothing of this until I suddenly felt someone put their hands on my shoulders from behind and start massaging me. I turned around in horror, and it was this man that had absolutely no business touching me. He starts to make a bit of small talk and Brie was the one who replied, asking him about his kids and grandkids and stuff. I finally got over my shock and moved out of reach. "You all have a good weekend!" he said as he left.

There were many things wrong with this scenario. First of all: I am a domestic violence survivor, so you don't approach me from behind and touch me. Second, never in life has there been any indication from me that you had permission to touch me. Third, how long had this move been brewing around in your head? And fourth: if this had been above-board, why did you wait until your wife left the building? Did you know she wouldn't be pleased with you inappropriately putting your hands on another woman?

Kitty hadn't been paying attention but Brie had. I was mad, but she was mad mad. "WTF?" she said. "I have no idea what that was, my reflexes were slow from shock and it had better not ever happen again," I said. Brie continued, "He owes you a big apology and you had better get one before I start talking to his daughter about his behavior." I knew she would so I said hopefully that was a one-off or else there would be repercussions.

I figured this would never happen again. So imagine my horror when 2 days later he saw me at a venue and did it again! This time I was quick to move and gave him a dirty look. What in the world was wrong with him? 

I thought about this for a couple of days and then decided I needed to talk to someone we both knew, and this way he could talk to the man and get him to cease and desist. Otherwise he was in line to be throat-punched by Brie!

So I spoke to our mutual  person and he was speechless when I told him what happened. He assured me that he would take care of the situation and apologized to me that I had to deal with that inappropriateness. I thanked him and drew a breath of relief.

However, as far as I know, nothing has been said to the encroacher. It's been a month. So I guess my heebie jeebies might have been deemed insignificant, and I just need to wait for the situation to fade away. No harm, no foul.

But there is foul: trust me. I have made sure that I steer clear of the offender. If he approaches me again, I am sure I will say something that will hurt his feelings, and it will be warranted. We were both at a retirement party recently, and he knew by the look on my face when he looked at me, that he needed to avoid me like the plague and he did. Yep: keep your grubby hands to home, like they taught us in elementary school. I no longer consider him an acquaintance. And I have made peace with the fact that the other man didn't say or do anything discernable on my behalf. Maybe it was just too awkward for him, and that's okay. Maybe I just should have confronted the man myself and quashed the situation. But I certainly know who I can and can't trust. Going forward: I will continue to handle things on my own.

So at the end of the day, I just wanted to get this out so I can move forward with no resentment. After all, holding on to anger and resentment isn't going to change anything. As always, I will rise above. And if that means a well-placed throat punch when needed: so be it!

My Commercial Issue For Today

 Commercials are a necessary evil when you watch TV. That's why I mostly DVR my shows so I can fast forward through them. They're like salad at a restaurant: just there to kill time until the entrée arrives.

But there is a commercial I caught when I was too lazy to fast forward. I'm sure you've seen it. And for some reason it really annoys me due to the ridiculousness of it. It's the commercial for Jardiance, the diabetes drug.

In this commercial, this woman comes out of her apartment building, singing about having a story to tell about a little pill. She's a pretty woman with a great smile and really nice teeth and hair. Then she goes to the town square and starts singing and awkward dancing with the other townsfolk. Then comes the mailman flashing his pearly whites at everyone, until he comes across the dancing woman. At this point they both have to break out their sexy and dance together (which is painful to watch) and then they both laugh and go on their merry way. She heads to what looks like wardrobe (outside), so her "stylist" picks out a dress for her and holds it up for her approval.

Now, homegirl is a short, plus sized woman (I can say that because I am too, just not short) so the stylist decides a flared yellow dress with a waist tie and big red roses would be the perfect dress for her. What?? Why do you hate this woman? Then after she changes into said dress (where?), she goes to hair and makeup where they brush her neck with a makeup brush and use a blow dryer on her already dry hair. Which looks exactly the same as it did, by the way, just like her makeup. Now she's ready to sing and awkward dance some more with the townsfolk, extolling the virtue of Jardiance, the little pill with a big story to tell. I just cannot. They should have at least let her pick out her own dress so she wasn't swishing around in that rosy yellow dress. 

Sometimes when I'm fast forwarding if I see that commercial I'll stop and watch it just to annoy myself. I think the thing I dislike the most is why is she changing her clothes in public to "glam up", when she's just singing the same thing she already sang. Seriously.

So that's my commercial beef for today. I'm so glad that's the only issue I have in life, ha ha. However, I'm entitled to my opinion and I know that you have commercials that get under your skin too! Trust me: that's not the only commercial. But I'll save the other two for another day 😀

Sorry Kitty: Not That One

 Kitty has a vast collection of Living Dead Dolls. Contrary to the name, they are eerily lovely gothic dolls that she began collecting years ago. She uses them for her stop-motion music videos (on YouTube kaiennasunshine5000) and has them on display in her room. 

A couple of years ago she came to me and said, "Mom, there's a new Living Dead Dolls Series 35 20th Anniversary doll out now. Maybe I can buy it." "Oh? What's this one's name?" "Legion," she replied. "Oh hell no," was my reply (no pun intended).

For those of you who may not know, 'Legion' was the name of the 2,000-6,000 demons that possessed a certain man during Biblical times. "1 And they (Jesus and disciples) came over unto the other side of the sea, ,into the country of the Gadarenes. 2 And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, 3 Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains; 4 Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him. 5 And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones 6 But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him, 7 And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. 8 For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. 9 And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many." Mark 5:1-9 KJV

So with that being said: doll or not, do you think I wanted anything in our house that is based on that scripture??? Not today or any other day satan!

Kitty has a pretty good grasp of the Bible and she said, "I thought you would say that. So no Legion: not ever." "That's right Kitty." "Okay, thank you mom. I know that is a bad name with a bad reputation." "Indeed." Yep: she's a pretty smart cookie.

However: this 'smart cookie' did get one over on mom. Usually when she wants to order a doll, she shoots a flare into the sky to see who wants to buy it for her (they're pretty pricey!). However, she has been buying them herself for quite a few years now. That's how this one slipped beneath my radar.

I got home from work one day a few years ago and Kitty met me at the door. "Mom! I finished my new video!" "What video?" "Robert Palmer's 'Addicted to Love'!"

Now that was one of my favorite songs! I couldn't wait to see how she had interpreted it with her dolls! We sat in front of my computer, I went to her YouTube channel and waited for the magic to happen. It opened with some of her female dolls as the backup dancers, as the intro music played. I am always amazed at the patience and time it takes for Kitty to do these videos. And then I see a male doll climbing onto the stage...

"Um Kitty, who is that male doll?" "It's Lou Sapphire." "Okay...why does he have horns?" She just looked at me. "Watch the video, mom."

I watched the video all right. Apparently, even though his name isn't spelled the same, I figured this one might have been named after you-know-who. "Kitty, the video is great but you got a doll named after lucifer????" "Mom, I honestly didn't think about it like that. I mean it's his first and last name, Lou Sapphire." "He has horns!" "Yes he does mom. But the devil doesn't."

This truly caught me up short because she is right. Contrary to popular belief: the depiction painted of the devil isn't accurate. He doesn't have horns, isn't red, doesn't have a tail or any of that stuff. Lucifer was the highest of the angels and had one job: to be the worship leader in Heaven. He was beautiful, and so musically gifted (the name Lucifer means 'shining one' or light bearer').  Yet he became prideful, and wanted to be above God and worshipped.

"12b Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. 13 Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold; the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou was created. 14 Thou are the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou was upon the holy mountain of God; thou has walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. 15 Thou wast perfect in they ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee." Ezekiel 28: 12-15 KJV

It was satan's lofty feelings of superiority regarding his beauty that corrupted him. "You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor; I cast you to the ground, I laid you before kings." So after Lucifer tried to overtake Heaven God cast him out with the third of the angels that sided with him. However, he didn't lose his beautiful countenance. It just became...a twisted kind of beauty. After all, if you saw something like a man with hooves and a tail and horns and red skin carrying a pitchfork: are you going to go towards it? Of course not. Evil comes in many pretty packages, which is why people are drawn to things that aren't good for them because of the allure.

And finally: Lucifer lost that name. After being cast out of Heaven he became satan, as he was no longer that bearer of light.

Anyhoo, Kitty still has Mr. Lou Sapphire and he's well behaved, ha ha. But she knows that if she likes any other doll with a suspect name, she has to run it by me first!  And if you want to take a look at her music videos, just search kaiennasunshine5000. She has like 9 or 10 of those, and 2 or 3 actual "movies" that she created. Feel free to check her out (if you dare!).

 

Behind the Music: Fast Car

 I had to give this over to Brie today. Enjoy her "guest" blog; and I haven't changed a thing. Let me know if you agree that she needs her own podcast!!

BRIE                                  

I can’t think of a time in my life where I didn’t love music. And when I say love I mean LOVE music. I literally listen to everything, and I am sure that is due to my mother who was a radio DJ back in the day. She raised my sister and I on everything from oldies to disco, while my aunt (may her soul rest in peace) and uncle taught me and my sister how to head bang to heavy metal music and the infamous hairbands (probably why One by Metallica is by far one of my “happy songs”, but I digress).

Well one of my favorite childhood songs was “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. Now mind you the way she would mumble sing (mind you I had little kid ears) kind of made it hard to understand but I got the gist of the song and sang it till my little heart was content. Fast forward a few years... or more (insert eye roll)

Luke Combs, one of my FAVORITE country singers redid the song “Fast Car” and I was so excited and fell in love with how it sounded. His sexy country twang just made the song sound so melodically beautiful and I could understand every single word of the song... boy do I wish I never had heard this version...

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF??!! This song is freaking HORRIBLE!!!

Now this just might be me... I thought she lived with her father. I did not know she lived in a shelter with her father due to the fact that her mother decided she was bout done with her alcoholic husband and bounced! So NOW this teenage girl had to quit school and get a job to support her and her father. Thought it was sad there, NOPE shit gets WAY WORSE!! She meets some deadbeat asshole of a boyfriend IN THE SHELTER and he doesn’t have a job but he has a FAST CAR?!! So you are telling me this “child” is working as a cashier at a convenient store to make a little bit of money to put GAS in the non‐working boyfriends STUPID car?!! The EFF?? Lets keep going shall we...

She ABANDONS her father!! Now not only has the wife left him but his stupid daughter has abandoned him to?!! So now the drunk father has like NO ONE to take care of him?? RUDE!! But hey she got in the fast car with her deadbeat broke ass boyfriend and they left for the city. Found a NEW Shelter to live at and now she is telling him that she knows they will both find jobs and live in the suburbs (and in her mind I am sure it had a little white picket fence and everything...)

GUESS WHO’S ASS ENDED UP IN A TRAILER?!!!!! Little miss I wanna be with the guy who has a Fast Car, which by the way she now is not only working more than one job, and paying all the bills...BUT is also taking care of the crotch goblins she HAD with the deadbeat while he goes to the bar and hangs out with his friends and gets drunk on the regular and don’t spend time with his kids... WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?!!!!

Out of all of that you know what is the SADDEST... she told him to take his fast car and keep on driving...she said she had no plans on leaving and maybe she’d make something of herself... SHE BASICALLY ended up with her father if you think about it. Her momma did the SAME thing... didn’t break that curse huh now did ya?!

Can I tell you how much I wish I had just stuck to mumble Tracy Chapman’s version of this song? As much as I love Luke Combs, he has absolutely ruined this song for me. I can officially delete it off of my phone. Now if you’ll excuse me I am off to sit in a corner and cry somewhere... THANKS LUKE!!!!!

Thanks Brie!!

A Most Selfish Act

 Kitty called me at work yesterday. "Hi Mom! The traffic is really slow today." She was on her way to Build-A-Bear. "Well traffic is always backed up heading to Albany in the morning. Should be clear soon." "No mom, there was an accident." "Oh goodness, I hope everyone is okay."

It wasn't until several hours later that I found out everyone was not okay. For reasons unknown, a woman parked her car, got out, and then ran into traffic on the highway being hit by several cars. It was a horrific suicide; and unfortunately the driver of the first car that hit her died too.

I know that life gets really tough sometimes. However, I can't wrap my head around what was going on with this woman to make her choose that way to end her life. What if by some chance she had lived? What kind of life would that have been?

Let's think about the poor driver who hit her first. Probably didn't even see her coming until he hit her; and then he lost his life as well. And how about the other cars that also hit her? They were just minding their own business when wham!! A body bounces off their cars or they ran over that body. How many nightmares are they going to have?

Suicide is a most selfish act. You aren't thinking about anyone else: just getting rid of your own pain. You don't think about the pain it will cause those you leave behind. Those you leave behind won't even get your life insurance because it doesn't cover suicide. What if she had children? How will they go about their lives knowing that their mother thought so little of them, if she thought of them at all?

We often think that if someone is depressed they need to talk to someone: a trusted friend, therapist or clergyman. They could even be put on medication. But sometimes the medication that is meant to help you, gives you suicidal thoughts. Ironic, isn't it? How does that help? And when you talk to someone, you can fake getting better and cheering up. Yet research shows that once a person settles their mind on suicide: that's what cheers them up and helps them go through with it.

I'm just so incredibly sad for everyone involved with this situation. I'm not going to say now she's at peace because I don't know if she is. That was in God's hands, especially if she happened to be mentally ill.

I don't know if the authorities will ever release her name, or any other facts about this woman. I don't know if we'll know who else was also a part of this tragedy on the Northway. I just hope that this doesn't start a trend, because you know how susceptible young people are (thanks TikTok). I hope that there will be prayers for the survivors of this tragedy. They are going to need them.  

Prologue

 

I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY MOTHER

(But She Wasn't)

I was helping to clean out Lily’s house (which I shouldn’t have had to do). I was talking and reminiscing with my youngest brother Ceddy while we were in our sister's room. Suddenly, I remembered something from decades ago. “When I was around four years old, I was playing in the front yard. A car pulled up in front of the house. There were two black women in the car. The one on the passenger side rolled down her window. “Hello little girl! You are so pretty! I have something for you,” she called. Being a child, I naturally went over to the car to see what it was. She opened her car door, and she was holding a life-sized black doll almost as big as I was. “Would you like to have this?” she asked. “Yes!” I replied. She handed it to me. It was a pretty doll with pigtails and wearing a lacy white dress. I had never seen a black doll before. “Do you like it?” “Yes, I do,” I said as I cuddled the doll. “Good." She paused, and then said, "I am so glad I got to meet you; and maybe I will see you again. Bye now.” “Bye bye!”

"That's a weird memory to have," Ceddy replied as he put some books in a box. "Where did that come from?"

I looked around the room, which was filled with my sister's and Lily's belongings. My sister had died and Lily was being cared for in a lovely nursing home. Yet I could still feel their 'essence' all around me; and it was unnerving. "From being in this room. After today I'm not coming back in here."

He gave me a strange look. "Okay, I can understand that. But hey: whatever happened to that nice lady?"

"I never saw her again."

"That's too bad. It would have been nice to know who she was."

"Well Ceddy, all these years later, after all I had to see going through Lily's and our father's records for insurance and hospitalization and stuff, I have come to realize that she, not Lily, was my birth mother."

COMING FALL 2024

Is It Really Love?

 This thought has been in my head for almost 20 years.

I believe that people think love will always feel like the "first time". Maybe for some people it is like that. The butterflies in the stomach, the heart eyes, the high-pro glow, the tingles and shivers and all that jazz. The breathless anticipation, the long conversations and fun getting-to-know-you phase. Then comes the wedding and purported "happily ever after". However, it's hard to imagine that feeling lasting for 30 or 40 years. 

Maybe it's because of this, people enter into their relationships or marriages without actually thinking of the future spread out before them. The hardships that may come. The ennui that can settle in over time. The frustrations that can occur from money problems, child problems, or differing viewpoints on life. OR the fact that one of you wants to leave because your partner no longer looks like they did when you met in your 20's; although that shouldn't matter because you are both in your 50's or 60's now. And doesn't marriage seem like it's disposable? Unhappy: just get a divorce and try again! Where's the love then?

Marie and my father were married for about 46 years before he died in 2004. I had a ringside seat for most of their marriage, except for my "lost" years in Long Island. Like any married couple though, they still had ups and downs, but I never doubted that they loved each other. He had a heart attack when he was in his 50's, and after he came home from the hospital she took excellent care of him. Love!

But one evening he got into a huge argument with one of my siblings, and I saw Marie come between them. That night I had some doubts, but they stayed together. Sometimes they would argue after that, and sometimes it was bitter. I asked her once, "Why don't you and dad get divorced if things are so bad between you?" She gave me a look like I'd grown another head. "I love your father. I would never divorce him." Okay then... 

My father eventually started having more health problems, and Marie was right there by his side. If he was in the hospital, I took her there every day to see him. When he was in the VA hospital 45 miles away, I drove her there to see him every day: except one when there was a snow storm. When he was in a rehab facility 100 miles round trip: I took her to see him every day. Doctor's appointments, eye appointments, whatever: she was always there.

His condition worsened in February 2004. My mother finally decided that he had had enough: and brought him home for the final time. He had wanted to be home and she honored that wish. He was pretty much bedridden by this time. Although home care nurses would come to help: Marie did the lion's share of the work when it came to taking care of him. She fed him, cut his nails, bathed him, changed him, cleaned him up and never uttered a complaint. And when she wasn't in his room with him, she would be in the living room in the chair closest to the room, listening to him breathe. When he died in October 2004 that man knew he had been loved.

So what is love, really? I learned from that example Marie set. And it's how I judge men today. If something were to happen to you, and you became incapacitated, would I clean your butt for you? And if you puked: would I clean that up for you, and cut your toenails, and do all that you couldn't do for yourself anymore? No joke. If I don't love you enough to do that, then it isn't really love. To me: that's the true test of real love. It isn't pretty, but it certainly puts your feelings into perspective and gives you some food for thought.

I know this isn't the most graceful of blog posts, but to me the message is clear. As always: thanks for reading.

My Odd Thought For Today

 As I was brushing my teeth this morning, the most random question popped into my head: does God have teeth? Where in the world had that come from? My initial thought was no He doesn't. After all: what would He need them for? And isn't He mostly Spirit? 

Then I thought about Jesus. He had teeth, but that's while He was on earth in his human form. So when He ascended into Heaven, I presume He returned to his spiritual form which meant He probably didn't have teeth. I don't think the Trinity is eating anything right now. I know in descriptions of Heaven from the Bible, there will be huge grapes and such; and we will be eating from the Tree of Life so we will have teeth as you need them to eat fruit.

I decided to run this question by Brie. "So...do you think God has teeth?" She blinked blankly at me. "What? I think so because He must have had a real face when He showed himself to Moses at the burning bush." "No, the bush didn't have a human appearance. "And when Moses asked God to show himself, God said he would perish if he saw His full glory. "Then Moses said, 'Now, please show me your glory'." Exodus 33:18 But "The Lord answered, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will announce my name, the Lord, so you can hear it. I will show kindness to anyone to whom I want to show kindness, and I will show mercy to anyone to whom I want to show mercy. But you cannot see my face, because no one can see me and live. “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes that place, I will put you in a large crack in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you will see my back. But my face must not be seen.” Exodus 33:19-23

Then I mentioned this: "Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father?" John 14:9

However, have you noticed how when we depict God, He is always an old man with wild white hair and flaming eyes? Those pictures don't look like pictures of Jesus. So maybe it was metaphorical, based on His spirituality and indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Who knows? But it's interesting to think about!

Speaking of interesting, I have to share this photo with you. Brie said not to because it's kind of scary, but this has me fascinated. You know how cherubim are always depicted as little adorable chubby angel babies? Well I'm not sure where that description comes from, but if you go to the book of Ezekiel, Chapter 10, you will find the actual description of the cherubim. The description is too long for me to post here, but I will show the picture I found:

As you can see, there is a lot happening in this picture (I wish it was bigger so you could see all of it). Quick description: the angel has four faces, one of a man, one of a cherub, one of a lion and one of an eagle. Under the wings are the hands of a man. There are actually four wheels like chrysolite and each wheel intersects another wheel. The wheels are covered in eyes, as are the entire bodies of cherubim (including their backs, hands and wings). When they move, the wheels move with them. When they are still, so are the wheels. Whatever direction the cherubim would go, they wouldn't have to turn because there is a face on each side.

Whew, that's a lot to take in! But I find this kind of stuff fascinating!

So from my odd question, I got a little Bible study in here for you too. Just goes to show: you never know what you're going to get when you read one of my posts. And I really do appreciate all of you for reading 💟 

Midnight In The Switchgrass

 Yesterday was Juneteenth so I had the day off. "Juneteenth marks our country’s second independence day. Although it has long been celebrated in the African American community, this monumental event remains largely unknown to most Americans. The historical legacy of Juneteenth shows the value of never giving up hope in uncertain times." Please feel free to google Juneteenth to get a proper description of this new federal holiday.

Anyway, since I was home, Brie was sleeping and Kitty was at water aerobics at the Y, I had the morning to myself! When this rare event occurs, I look for a good movie to watch. Going to the Guide, I hunted through channels until I saw something entitled "Midnight in the Switchgrass" from 2021. What the heck was this?

It turned out to be probably one of the last movies Bruce Willis made before his diagnosis, although he did show signs of aphasia while filming. I love Bruce Willis, but a couple of the other actors gave me pause. Megan Fox? Machine Gun Kelly? Did I really want to see them? I didn't recognize anyone else's name. The info said "Two FBI agents cross paths with Crawford, a Florida cop who's investigating a string of murders that appear to be related. When an undercover sting goes horribly wrong, Crawford soon finds himself in a twisted game of cat and mouse with the killer." Megan Fox was the FBI agent, Bruce Willis her FBI higher-up, Emile Hirsch was the Florida state officer and Lukas Haas was the serial killer. I thought he looked familiar but couldn't place him. He used to be a creepy child actor, so he fit this role as an adult. Machine Gun Kelly was the loser (think silver mouth grille and tattoos) who ran the seedy motel where the hookups / abductions took place. And of course he had a couple of gratuitous scenes with Megan Fox since he only took the role to meet her. The rest is history, as they say. 

The suspense was really good. It was one of those movies where they let you know early who the bad guy is, but then you have to go along with the cops to figure out how they will discover his identity and hopefully catch him. There are parts where  you wonder who might still be alive at the end. Will any of the girls be found alive? The law enforcement officers? Family members? You have to stick around to find out! And surprisingly: it's based on a true story of Texas' most dangerous serial killer, but moved the location to Florida.

Don't get me wrong: it isn't a perfect movie, but it did keep me on the edge of my seat and had me looking away a couple of times. It made absolutely no money at the box office (think less than $1 million). But for a rating, I give it more than Rotten Tomatoes did. I give it 3.5 out of 5 stars. It's a solid crime thriller, and I would watch it again. I hope you get a chance to check it out. I don't think you'll regret it!

By the way, Sylvester Stallone's daughter Sistine Stallone has a small part. As for the movie title: it refers to a switchgrass field in Florida where the killer keeps some of his victims captive. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Cherish Your Fathers

 

Father’s Day is Sunday. I wrote this blog post 9 years ago. Unfortunately, I never finished the book I had planned to write. I doubt I ever will. But thank you for reading what would have been the preface.

 

THE YEAR WITHOUT A FATHER

 

My mother had left me a voicemail at work.  Even before I retrieved it, I

had a feeling that I knew what it was. “Hello?”

“Ms. Marie, you rang?”

“Yes.”

“Is something wrong?”

“I think we have a problem.”

“Which is?”

“It’s your father.  I think he stopped breathing.”

I could feel my mind shutting down and automatic pilot kick in.  “Are you sure he’s not breathing?”

She hesitated.  “Yes.”

“Did you call 9-1-1?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to call 9-1-1?”

“Yes.”

“Is anyone else home?”

“Yes.  Keith and Robin are here.”

“Have one of them call 9-1-1.  You need me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m on my way.”

As I hung up the telephone, it felt like someone was sticking thousands of needles into my face and chest.  I remember thinking God, I hope I’m not having a heart attack. I guess I was in shock.

I walked to my supervisor’s cubicle.  She took one look at my face and stood up.  “Rita, what is it?”

“My father just died,” I replied faintly, and felt tears run down my face.

She immediately put her arms around me.  “I’m so sorry, sit down.”   She took my hands.

“I have to leave.”

“I know.  Who can I get to drive you home?”

I wiped my face.  “I can drive.”

But she wouldn’t hear of it.  “You may think you’re okay but I’ll feel better if someone else drives you.”

I thought for a second and regained my composure.  “Leena in HR.  I’m sure she’d be able to.”

“You stay right here and I’ll get her.”

I stayed seated in Terry’s cube as I tried to fathom the fact that my father was dead and no one had called the ambulance.  Then I saw Leena race by on her way to my cube.  I stood up as she came back and saw me; then she ran over and enveloped me in a hug, murmuring words of comfort.  Sure enough, that started me crying again but only for few seconds.

“Where’s your stuff?  Are you ready to go?”

“I have to turn off my computer and get my purse.”

“I can take care of that,” Terry said.

“I have to fill out a form for leaving early.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Terry said as the three of us made it over to my cube.  “Leena, can you pull your car up?  Rita and I will meet you there so we can avoid any questions.”

“Sure thing.”  She gave me another squeeze.  “I’ll meet you in a couple of minutes.”

At my cube I quickly put an ‘out of office’ message on my email, told Terry that I’d do the phone voicemail later and collected my purse and little work bag.  She thought we should go out the back way to avoid any questions, and I agreed.  However, when we got to the back entrance, there was no Leena.  After a couple of minutes, we realized that she probably went to the front lobby entrance, so we went there and luckily didn’t encounter anyone on the way. 

Sure enough, after a minute Leena drove up and I got into her car.  “Don’t worry, I’ll get you home real quick,” she said in her Louisiana drawl.

That proved to be prophetic.  I had no idea her little Honda could go that fast; but thankfully there were no state troopers on the highway that afternoon.  Even though I know we talked, it’s difficult to remember much of what was said.  I told her about what my mother had said, and she asked, “Do you think anyone did call 9-1-1?”

“I’m sure someone did.” I had my hands tightly clasped together.  I was subconsciously willing the car to go faster because I knew I needed to get to my parents’ house.

When we finally hit that block I could see there was already an ambulance in attendance, and a police car was there as well.  “This doesn’t look good,” I said.

Leena pulled up at the service station right next door and I jumped out of the car after quickly grabbing my things.  She followed me into the house…

 Clarence Debnam, 1918 - 2004

 

Tomorrow marks 10 years since I lost my father.   This is an excerpt from a book I wanted to write about his last year with us. But as you can see: I wasn’t able to do it.

I loved my father and I still miss him. That year was one that had a major impact on my life, and changed me in ways I didn’t anticipate.

Hmm, maybe this will be the year I finish the book. Within the next 12 months, conceivably. With that being said: I’ll keep you posted.

Miss you Daddy Clank.