I have a lot of male friends. Men I've known since elementary school, men I've met through work, and husbands / boyfriends of my good friends. I adore them and they treat me respectfully, and no boundaries are ever crossed. When we meet up we usually hug: especially since during covid no one saw or had any face to face contact with anyone for a year or two.
There are also men that are acquaintances whom I like, but there's no contact. These guys could be my male co-workers, men from church and the like. It's like an unspoken rule that we all know about.
With that being said, let me tell you what happened to me last month, and it still irks the heck out of me.
July 1st, my daughters and I were at our favorite local restaurant having Kitty's birthday dinner. Yes, that isn't her actual birthday but you know we have to start celebrating early! Anyhoo, we were waiting for our food when a guy who is barely an acquaintance comes in with his wife and another woman. He sees me and waves, and I wave back. That was the end of it. I have never met his wife.
His party ended up finishing their meal before we did, and his wife and the other woman went outside or to the car while he went up to the counter to pay. I thought absolutely nothing of this until I suddenly felt someone put their hands on my shoulders from behind and start massaging me. I turned around in horror, and it was this man that had absolutely no business touching me. He starts to make a bit of small talk and Brie was the one who replied, asking him about his kids and grandkids and stuff. I finally got over my shock and moved out of reach. "You all have a good weekend!" he said as he left.
There were many things wrong with this scenario. First of all: I am a domestic violence survivor, so you don't approach me from behind and touch me. Second, never in life has there been any indication from me that you had permission to touch me. Third, how long had this move been brewing around in your head? And fourth: if this had been above-board, why did you wait until your wife left the building? Did you know she wouldn't be pleased with you inappropriately putting your hands on another woman?
Kitty hadn't been paying attention but Brie had. I was mad, but she was mad mad. "WTF?" she said. "I have no idea what that was, my reflexes were slow from shock and it had better not ever happen again," I said. Brie continued, "He owes you a big apology and you had better get one before I start talking to his daughter about his behavior." I knew she would so I said hopefully that was a one-off or else there would be repercussions.
I figured this would never happen again. So imagine my horror when 2 days later he saw me at a venue and did it again! This time I was quick to move and gave him a dirty look. What in the world was wrong with him?
I thought about this for a couple of days and then decided I needed to talk to someone we both knew, and this way he could talk to the man and get him to cease and desist. Otherwise he was in line to be throat-punched by Brie!
So I spoke to our mutual person and he was speechless when I told him what happened. He assured me that he would take care of the situation and apologized to me that I had to deal with that inappropriateness. I thanked him and drew a breath of relief.
However, as far as I know, nothing has been said to the encroacher. It's been a month. So I guess my heebie jeebies might have been deemed insignificant, and I just need to wait for the situation to fade away. No harm, no foul.
But there is foul: trust me. I have made sure that I steer clear of the offender. If he approaches me again, I am sure I will say something that will hurt his feelings, and it will be warranted. We were both at a retirement party recently, and he knew by the look on my face when he looked at me, that he needed to avoid me like the plague and he did. Yep: keep your grubby hands to home, like they taught us in elementary school. I no longer consider him an acquaintance. And I have made peace with the fact that the other man didn't say or do anything discernable on my behalf. Maybe it was just too awkward for him, and that's okay. Maybe I just should have confronted the man myself and quashed the situation. But I certainly know who I can and can't trust. Going forward: I will continue to handle things on my own.
So at the end of the day, I just wanted to get this out so I can move forward with no resentment. After all, holding on to anger and resentment isn't going to change anything. As always, I will rise above. And if that means a well-placed throat punch when needed: so be it!
