It's Coming From Inside the House!

Because Marie lives with me, I sleep downstairs so I can keep an eye / ear on her. Brie sleeps downstairs too. It's rather uncomfortable but we've gotten used to it.

What I can't get used to is the TV on all night. Marie likes to have some "noise" and light, especially now that she has some dementia. I am a person that is used to sleeping in total darkness, so I sleep really lightly when it isn't pitch black. But I wouldn't want Marie to get any more disoriented than she sometimes gets at night, so I behave like a good daughter.

Sometimes I leave my phone on a religious station, or play from one of my music playlists and Marie likes that. Something peaceful that hopefully helps her sleep.

One night last week, I awoke at my usual time of around 2 a.m. There's usually a sermon on the radio that I like to catch if I happen to be awake, and I remember leaving my phone on the station. As I opened my eyes I realized that the TV station had defaulted to the SPECTRUM logo because no one had caught it in time to keep it on. Anyhoo, as I laid there, I heard this really pretty piano music. I knew it wasn't coming from the TV because the channel was off. Must be my radio station. I picked up my phone: it was off. Hmm...

I saw that Marie was awake. "Marie, do  you hear that music?" "What music?" "The piano music." "No I don't hear any music."

Uh oh. Usually it's Marie that hears and sees things. I sat up slowly. I had forgotten! I was listening to the station on my tablet! I picked up my tablet: it was off. Oh snap...was I having a stroke??? I didn't smell any burnt toast, so hopefully I wasn't. I slowly looked around the dark room. What the heck? But after a minute or two the music stopped. Whew! Chuckling to myself, I laid back down on the couch.

A couple of minutes later the music started again. It was really beautiful piano music. I looked around again and then my eyes widened as I looked into the dark dining room. It sounded like the music was coming from there! And who was a classically trained pianist? My sister Robin! Putting two and two together it hit me: Robin was in the dining room playing the piano and waiting for me to come join her!

Oh H to the NO: I wasn't ready to go where Robin was no matter how nice it is. So I started a conversation with God: "God, you know I love you and I will be spending eternity with you. But I kind of have a lot to do here before I can join Robin. I have to take care of Marie, and the pets, and Kitty and Brie. Yes I know they are adults but you can't tell by the way they act. They still need me. So if you could please tell Robin to stop playing and go back to Heaven with you, that would be great. Besides, shouldn't she be playing for Marie? Love you and thanks for me not having a stroke!"

My mumbling woke Brie up. "Who are you talking to?" she asked sleepily.

I lowered my voice. "God because Robin is playing the piano in the dining room, trying to lure me in!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay, don't you hear the piano music playing or is it just me??? Marie can't hear it. Robin wants me to join her!!"

She sat up. "Of course I hear piano music. It's the "calming" app I have on my phone. It's piano and thunderstorms!"

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???"

Um...did any of you hear Brie howling with laughter? "You thought it was Robin?" I thought she was going to roll off the couch with mirth.

"Why didn't you tell me about that app? I thought it was coming from the dining room! It scared me!" I snapped.

"I'm sorry mom," she managed to gasp out when she finally stopped laughing. "I thought it would be soothing."

"I'm sure it is when you let people know it's on! You did that on purpose to scare me!"

"Go back to sleep mom. I'll turn it off."

"And leave it off too!"

Why is she such a hater??? I hope she remembers what payback is, especially since I spent the rest of the night sleeping with one eye open!

Fun Bye Bye

Just for the record: the title is misleading.

For some reason, Brie thought it would be "fun" to take both dogs with us as we ran a few quick errands. Oh, how wrong she was! Vivian loves to go bye bye and will beat you to the door every time. She'll jump up until you pick her little 3.5 pound self up and take her outside. Even if we just sit on the porch: that's bye bye for her. As for Lilly: she has never in all of her eight years EVER wanted to even go out the door: much less actually go somewhere. You can open the front door and she won't budge past where the floor ends. And if you pick her up to take her out: her little tongue flicks in and out like a snake because it gives her such anxiety. Fun!

Anyhoo, Brie says, "Let's take the dogs to get some air." Me: "Both of them????" Brie: "Yes, Lilly needs to learn to love bye bye as much as Vivi does." Famous last words...

So with Brie's optimism leading the way, I said, "Who wants to go bye bye with Grammy and Auntie?" I didn't even get the entire sentence out before Vivi was at the door jumping, waiting for me to pick her up: her tail going in circles like a propeller. Lilly, who doesn't quite understand a lot of things, saw Vivi's enthusiasm so she thought bye bye was something she would enjoy, like treaties. WRONG! Once Brie picked her up and headed outside, that little tongue started darting in and out and she started shaking (it was 84 degrees out, by the way) and was a wreck by the time we got her to the car. Vivian was sitting up enjoying the fresh air while Lilly was a huddled heap in Brie's lap. And we hadn't even left the driveway yet...

We first head to Dunkies so Brie could get a pineapple coolatta. The problem here was that Vivian always thinks she has to protect Grammy, so she started barking as soon as she saw the drive thru person. The other problem was:it wasn't Burger king so the attendant didn't offer her any french fries. So bark bark bark until we finally drove away, and then she was very offended.

Next stop: Lox of Bagels for Brie's toasted bagel with olive cream cheese and lox. Yikes! When she had to go in, now I had both dogs in my lap. Vivian barked at anyone who parked next to us so they would know to not bother her Grammy. Traumatized Lilly crawled up my front until she was resting on my chest with her head on my shoulder, trying to hide in my hair which she has done since she was a puppy. She was still frightened of bye bye and was also dead weight. A scared 10-pound Chihuahua is surprisingly heavy! But I held them both until a smiling Brie came back to the car with 2 bags. French fries? Nope! She had a bagel finger for the dogs. I broke off a little piece for Vivi and she took it and then spit it out. I gave it to her again: same reaction. Brie gave a piece to Lilly and she was grateful, as she should have been. I gave Vivi to Brie and she gave her a piece of the bagel finger. Vivi spit it out onto her cleavage. At that point I told her to just put it back into the bag, take me to Walmart so I could buy a fan and go home.

 We got to Walmart and parked. Now Vivi decided she would eat the piece of bagel finger. I told Lilly I would be right back and told her to go to Auntie. She was maybe 10 inches away and I had never seen a dog crawl so slowly to anyone, shaking the entire time! Seriously! But she finally made it and I escaped into the store.

When I came back out Brie said that Vivi had barked almost the entire time, each time she saw someone. Lilly was cowering in her hair. So once again I was given both dogs, scolded for taking so long and then instead of going home: went back to Dunkies to get Marie a coolatta. Vivian barked at the attendant who still didn't have any french fries for her. But finally we made it home!

So it wasn't fun bye bye for anyone involved. And seriously: the next time both dogs go anywhere with me I'm going to make sure I have a car seat for them!

Whatever Happened To...?

I was in the Dunkin’ drive-thru waiting to order an English muffin. I didn’t really want an English muffin: what I really wanted was an Australian Toaster Biscuit.

What is a Toaster Biscuit, you say? Just a little bit of Heaven! It’s like an English muffin and you treat it like an English muffin, but it’s round and soft and oh so good. No need for nooks and crannies here! Our local Freihofer’s used to have them and then they stopped making them because they must have heard that I loved them. Oh I know it’s a conspiracy theory, and not just with my beloved Toaster Biscuits which I haven’t had in probably 20 years!

Several years ago Snackwells had a chocolate yogurt on the market. I am not a fan of yogurt, but wanted to eat healthier so figured I’d give it a try. Oh Lord: ambrosial! Of course it was supposedly low-fat (it wasn’t) and blah, blah, blah, but it was absolutely delicious and the only yogurt I would eat. As a matter of fact, this dark chocolate yogurt was so good: it’s the reason why I cannot eat pudding to this day. So of course they took it off of the market. I went so far as to contact the company to find out how to get it, and they responded, “Due to the poor sales of this product in your area, it is no longer available”. Apparently just me buying it wasn’t good enough, and they were all about the money. Haters!

Do you remember Viennetta?  Breyer’s came out with this grand dessert. It was a loaf of delicately layered ice cream ruffles and a hard chocolate coating. This was back in the day when Breyer’s Homemade Vanilla actually tasted homemade. It was phenomenal! And if you drizzled it with some Hershey’s dark chocolate syrup…oh yeah, the best dessert EVER! Until, once again, they heard that little Rita from upstate New York loved it, and poof! Gone from the freezer section like it had never been there.

That’s around the time I discovered another ice cream treat: Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge. Coffee ice cream with ribbons of dark chocolate and dark chocolate covered whole almonds. It only came in a quart container, and I really had to restrain myself from eating the entire quart each time I bought one. It cost more than a half-gallon of ice cream (because it was a Starbucks product) but I didn’t care. Mama was happy! You guessed it: right until they stopped making it. Ugh! Why do manufacturers dislike me so much??? Again, I contacted the company and they said they were coming out with a product I would enjoy even more. Lies! They came out with these less-than-pint-sized containers of different flavors that were not Coffee Almond Fudge. I was done.

Weaver used to make chicken croquettes that you would heat in the oven. It came with a sauce packet that you put in hot water while the croquettes cooked. Then you put them on a plate, poured the warm sauce over it and enjoyed a great meal. You guessed it: I had to contact the company when this product disappeared and they replied, “We’re sorry, but periodically we discontinue products to make way for new ones that we are sure you will enjoy just as much. Thank you for being a valued customer.” If I was so valued, they would have kept my chicken croquettes! And just for the record: I did NOT enjoy their new products.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally but it’s hard not to when this has happened to so many of my favorite foods. It was probably God’s way of saying, “You’ll be bigger than a house if you keep eating so much of these foods!” Yes He knew I wasn’t known for self-control back then, ha-ha (remember the Mississippi Mud Pie incident???).

So since I am only 18 pounds away from my goal weight for the year, I should be thankful that my food addictions are off the market. However, from now on, if I really like something, I’m not saying a word about it!

My New Husband

Women have been doing this ever since they were in Junior High, right up until they actually find "the one". They see a guy or a famous person and say "Yep: that's my new husband".

I may be waaaaaayyyy past Junior High age, but inside I still do that. Who has been on my list over the years? Damien Escobar, Chris Botti, Damon Wayans, Drew McIntyre, Braun Strowman, Roman Reigns, Idris Elba, Ice Cube, Lamar Richardson, Max Sweeten, Todd Haller, Jason Statham, Bobby Flay, Scott Conant: and that's barely the tip of the iceberg! There's no rhyme or reason as to who might strike my fancy but they all have an indefinable something. And it really isn't just famous people, but I don't want to incriminate any of my actual male friends!

But now there's someone new who has caught my eye...

Everyone knows that I hate the news. It's never good, it brings you down, and I always said I wasn't going to watch it until there was some good news. Then Marie moved in and every morning she had to watch CBS Morning News and I would grumble right up until I left the house for work.

But over the past three years I've gotten to like that particular news show. With the COVID-19, the news anchors have been broadcasting from their homes. That's when I discovered him: my new husband.

Vladimir Duthiers.

He has been on this morning news show for a few years but I only started paying attention when they broadcast from their homes because I like taking a peek into their homes. Well forget his home: it was him. One of the first things he announced was, "While home I'm going to wear what I'm deeming my 'pandemic' uniform." This consists of a buttoned down shirt, usually black or blue chambray or twill, black or blue great fitting jeans and a black belt. He is in male aerobic great shape. Bald with medium brown skin, tall and close to my age! But the best thing is he has great teeth and a smile that could launch a thousand ships. Dreamy sigh...Great looking, great job, great personality and great teeth: who could ask for anything more??

I need to ask my new BFF Gayle King to introduce us. And no: she doesn't know that she's my new BFF yet (we're Instagram friends) but that's just a formality. After all, she and Oprah don't seem to be that close anymore so...I can fill that void!

Alas, there is a roadblock to our new relationship. For some reason he has a girlfriend who is also a journalist and is a young and lovely woman. I knew I shouldn't have dropped Journalism when I was in college! Yep: I shot myself in the foot with that move. So it looks like Mr. Duthiers will never know the pleasure of my company.

With that being said, stay tuned: because you never know who might catch my eye next week! And I still have plans to be Gayle King's new BFF!

Breaking My Silence

Today is June 4, 2020. I just finished watching George Floyd's memorial service. I haven't said a word about this horrific occurrence because it is just so painful, as a human being, to know this happened. As a human, I cannot watch that video nor can I listen to it. Oh how the world has changed: to where they show actual murders on TV. My soul can't bear it.

What has happened to your soul; what has happened to your life for you to think you have the power to treat someone like that? What kind of trip were you on? You knew what you were doing. You heard that man, and others saying he couldn't breathe. But that wasn't good enough for you. You wanted to kill that man. Regardless of what George may or may not have been guilty of, you are guilty of murder. As for your three cohorts I thank God they were arrested for standing by and doing nothing. Because we know if a black person had tried to intervene: you would have killed him too.

This has happened too often in the past few years but this hit the hardest. Probably because George was crying out for his mother, who was deceased. In times of trouble many people call out for their mothers, but in this case I hope it was because he saw his mother standing with Jesus to welcome him home. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks that.

Now, on the subject of the protests: I am on the side of those who are peaceful and trying to make a point. I in no way, shape or form condone the rioters and looters who are sullying the meaning of the protests. There will always be those who want to "wild out" in the name of justice but that's B.S. You just want to express your rage in a way sure to attract the police. You're throwing firecrackers, which sound like gunshots, so a bullet can be fired and you can say, "They shot at me and I'm unarmed!" You really want to play Russian Roulette like that with life?

I have been very lucky in my life. Growing up in a relatively small town, there were so few black families that we didn't have any issues and didn't face a blatant racist problem. The only time it kind of lurked in the shadows was when I discovered that boys couldn't date me because I was black. They knew me, my family was upstanding in the community and we all got along famously but they didn't want to take the chance on their sons making any mixed race babies. And I had to live with that. But in the grand scheme of things I was still lucky.

Yet I can still identify with those who struggle just to live each day without having to look over their shoulder. With those who are afraid that they'll get stopped for living life while black even when they aren't doing anything wrong. With those who are at the wrong end of a white police officer's bad mood or power surge. Even as a writer it's hard to find the correct words..

I don't know if it's power or fear that makes people afraid of us. I know there's nothing more frightening in this society than an educated black person. However, isn't it time to get over it and let everyone live their lives?  And stop thinking that a black person who has nice things stole them. You aren't the only ones that can be successful: no matter how much you tried to keep us down for so many years. Think about that.

'Nuff said.