Behind the Music: Wives and Lovers

 I'm not even sure how I happened across this old song. But as I was listening to it, I was laughing and also horrified at the lyrics. It was written in 1963, and originally sung by Jack Jones. It even won a Grammy in 1964! The song came about when Burt Bacharach and Hal David were asked to write a song with the title "Wives and Lovers" with the theme being marital infidelity. It was a promotional tie-in for the 1963 film Wives and Lovers. The song wasn't in the film but was intended to promote the film; and that made it an "exploitation song".

Anyhoo,  if Burt Bacharach and Hal David were to write something like this today: female villagers would chase them with torches!

I vaguely remembered this song from when I worked at an oldies station and thought it was crazy. However, if you watched TV shows or movies from this era, you'll realize that it is actually how things were. I do not own any rights to this song and am making no money from using the lyrics. But seriously: these need to be discussed.

"Hey, little girl, 

Comb your hair, fix your make-up

Soon, he will open the door.

Don't think because there's a ring on your finger

You needn't try any more."

Oh if only you could see my face 😠...So apparently, when it's time for hubby to come home from work, you'd better stop what you're doing to fix  your face and hair so he doesn't see what he actually married. And who are you calling 'little girl'?

"For wives should always be lovers too

Run to his arms the  moment he comes home to you

I'm warning you."

So now it seems that being a wife isn't good enough. And run to his arms when he gets home? Run to him and knock him over as you run out the door!

"Day after day

There are girls at the office

And men will always be men.

Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers

You may not see him again."

Oh I'll see him again. In court, when I take him for everything he has! Now you have to get up extra early and do your hair to compete with the trolls at his office??? They have all the time in the world because they're not up at 5 a.m. And what's he doing for me? Men will always be men you say? Yep: until you kick him in the biscuits!

"Hey, little girl

Better wear something pretty

Something you'd wear to go to the city

And dim all the lights

Pour the wine, start the music

Time to get ready for love."

I'm okay with wearing something nice instead of a housecoat and slippers. But if you're not taking me to the city, I'm not breaking out my Michael Kors dress. And if I'm dimming the lights, you won't get a good look at what I'm wearing anyway. As for pouring the wine: you don't think I've already been drinking all day because of what I have to do to keep you? Start the music? How about if I start the car and go looking like you do in the office? Time to get ready for love. It's time to find someone to appreciate me as I am, or at least who will do the same for me.

Yes I know times were different back then; and this was the norm for women. Ever notice in those old movies and TV shows how they always looked perfect? The women wore dresses and high heels and pearls with perfect hairdos, whether they were doing housework or serving tea to their lady friends. God bless them! I'm just glad I'm in this era because that's a lot of work. Just hoping it was worth it! I think I'm going to write an answer song to this called "Husbands and Lovers". After all: turnabout is fair play! 

Not Enough Time

 I found out at church yesterday that my good friend, and brother in Christ, Larry Ball, passed away Saturday. It was like a punch to the gut. I knew his health had been fragile for a while, but I thought I'd have him for more than two years...

I met Larry and his wife at our church after they had attended a funeral service for a relative who passed away. They came for the service and repast, and then continued to come. Except when they were wintering in Louisiana 😊 Back in BC (before covid) we would do a little meet and greet before service started so you could say hi and shake people's hands. 

Larry was a big, gentle giant of a man. I remember shaking hands with him for the first time and his hand more than engulfed mine. He had a smile as big as his heart. "How are you today, Miss?" Extra points for not calling me ma'am! His smile was contagious and reached his eyes. Every Sunday after that I always made a beeline for him because he had the Spirit of Christ emanating from him. He was a good Christian man who loved to serve the Lord, and brought that from his home church to our church. I'm so glad!

His wife was one of the best singers our church had ever had, and I liked sitting in front of them so I could hear her sing the hymns with her amazing voice. Then covid hit and they had to take proper precautions because they were over 65 and for his health reasons. So I missed them for awhile!

However, he and I became Facebook friends. I loved whenever he would send me a message or comment on a post, because he always called me 'gal' and would say, "love you sister!" which is more than my siblings say to me, ha ha. And I would reply, "love you brother!" He always read my blog (and never judged!) when it posted to Facebook. What a sweetheart he was 💓

He had been in the hospital, then rehab and was finally able to come home. I thought he was doing better when I found out he was home, and back on FB. But alas: on Saturday God told him, "Well done, my good and faithful servant," and took him peacefully home.

The day before he died the pastor was talking to him. Larry said, "I'm ready to be with the Savior, but I think He might have a little more for me to do here." I guess it was to spend one more day loving his family.

I'm going to miss my big teddy bear of a friend. That smile and the twinkle in his eyes. Two years of friendship definitely wasn't enough. But the good news is: one day I will see him again and we can take up right where we left off! Love you brother 💛

Even Me

 When you hear that someone has committed suicide, do you think, "Why? Suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem." I know that I do. But what most people don't know is that even I tried that once.

It was a lifetime ago, when I was married to the was-band (former husband). As you know, I don't talk about my failed marriage because what's the point? I have always been a strong person, but there was a time when this marriage almost broke me.

I remember that day with such clarity...I was on my knees in the bedroom crying because I saw no way out of my situation. I had prayed but couldn't hear God's voice. We had a very sharp butcher knife and I held it in my right hand. Even though my own belief is that suicide is a sin, I was unable to live the life that I was anymore. There was too much pain; and thinking about living another day was excruciating. So I took the knife, held out my left arm, and slashed my left wrist.

Nothing happened. I looked at the knife, felt the blade: yep, it was the correct butcher knife. I tried again, slashing vertically...

And again...nothing. Then I took the knife and started sawing at the vein. It's hard to explain but it was like there was a film or something over my wrist. I threw the knife. "Are you kidding me!?" I yelled. "Just let me do this!" But as you can tell, God had other ideas. 

As I look back over the years, I can see reasons why God spared me. He knew that others would need me to be around for them: most especially Kitty and Brie. Friends that went through difficult times and needed me for a shoulder or a laugh. My family when my father died. My family again when Robin died. And Marie...

Even if you can't see beyond your own pain, God can. If you don't believe in God talk to me: I can tell you about a whole lot of miracles that only He could have made happen. And when you get help, and look back, you'll see that the problem was temporary. And like me: I hope you'll be glad that you didn't take the permanent solution.

Amen.