This One Wrote Itself

Subtitled:  Another Marie Story

It happened again: I let myself get suckered into taking Marie to the supermarket.  When will I learn my lesson??

It was Sunday of Memorial Day weekend.  Somehow Kitty had talked me into having a barbecue, and I was already annoyed about that.  But as I was driving Marie home from church, she said, “I sure do wish I could go to K-Mart to get some cherries.”  “Cherries?  That’s random,” I commented.  “Yes.  They’re on sale and I have enough money to get some.  They’re only $2.99 a pound.  Don’t you like cherries?”  “Well Marie I wasn’t planning on buying any today.”

Then I made the mistake of looking at her, and she was looking at me with big soulful eyes like Pumpkin’s.  Ugh!  “Are you sure that cherries are the only thing you’re going to buy?  I have to get home and start this cookout stuff.”  “Yes it’s just cherries.  I promise.”  So I grudgingly headed for K-Mart.

As much as I would have loved to stay in the car, I knew that if I did there was no telling how long she’d be in there trying to find the produce section.  So as we were entering the store I said, “Did you just want to get a basket since you’re only getting cherries?”  “Well I think I’d better get a cart.  It helps me to lean on it as I walk.”  Seriously Marie?  “Okay.”

We got a cart and I put my purse in it.  “Okay Marie, the produce section is straight back, so we can head that way.”  “Oh I just want to go over here for a minute.”  “Over where?”  “To the deli.  I want some of that marshmallow stuff.”  “Marshmallow stuff?”  “Yes, you know what I mean!” and she proceeds to march over to the deli counter.  And I was forced to follow.

We get to the deli and she looks in the case; then a crestfallen look falls over her countenance.  “They don’t have any of the marshmallow stuff.”  “Mom, you don’t even like marshmallows.  Are you talking about ambrosia?”  “Oh yes, that’s it!  But they don’t have any.”  “Yes they do.”  The employee came over.  “Can I help you?”  “Is that ambrosia there in the back?”  “Yes ma’am.”  I turned to Marie.  “How much did you want?”  “Just ½ a pound.  Thank you daughter for finding it!”  Hey, anything to speed things up!

“Okay, now the produce section is right back here –“  I tried to steer her towards the produce, but she became fascinated by the baked goods.  “Look daughter, I wonder what this is?”  “It isn’t cherries Marie, so let’s get to produce.”  “I’m not going to buy it, since I’m just a poor widow woman, but I still would like to know what it is.”  “It’s cheddar pull-apart bread.”  “Oh.  Look, here’s a pepperoni one!”  “Marie, no one wants that.  Let’s get to the cherries.”  “Okay.”

However, we now have to pass the freezer section.  “I sure would like one of these Mrs. Smith’s pies.”  “Marie, have you seen the price of that pie?”  She looked and gasped.  “My goodness, the price certainly has gone up!”  “Only here.  Let’s go: the produce is straight ahead.”  “Well I still want to look at the pies.”  Oy vey!

Mercifully, at the end of the frozen section is the produce section.  At long last: daylight!  I think I can even see the cherries from where I was standing!  However, we reached the end of the frozen section and I went straight for the cherries: but then realized I was alone.  I looked back, and uh-oh: Marie was lurking amongst the plants.  She held one up.  “Daughter!  Wouldn’t this plant look lovely on your patio?”  “Yes it would but I’m not buying any plants today.”  “But it would be perfect!”  “It’s not in the budget today.”  She picked up another one.  “Hmm, what’s this?”  “It’s not cherries Marie.”  “Don’t be silly: of course it’s not cherries.  How much is this?”

Sighing, I looked at the prices.  “Looks like the plants are $9.99 and $12.99.”  She looked horrified.  “Well I don’t want to pay that much.  How about a different price?”   “Marie, I don’t work here, so I can’t change the prices for you!”  Humphing, she put the other plant down and continued looking.  Knowing that time was rapidly slipping past, I said, “The mini tea roses are only $4.99.”  “They are?  Then I’ll get 2 of these.”  “Great!  Is one for me?”  She slanted me a look.  “No.”  Then she put them in the cart and wheeled over to the cherries.  “These 5 bags are all they have?”  “It’s all they have out here now.”  “Well I have to make sure they taste good before I buy them.”  She then proceeds to eat like 15 of them before putting 2 bags in the cart!  I told her that they were going to have to put her on the scale at the register if she ate any more of them.

I could see the homestretch coming and tried to hustle her along, but she also had to get a cabbage; and then as we slowly made our way up to the register I made the mistake of pointing out a sugar-free drink that I thought she would like.  So we had to look at each one to be sure she got the flavor she would like the best.    This turned out to be a peach lemonade concoction, and she happily put it in her cart as well.  And it was only fifty cents for the bottle!

We finally get to the register and I tell her to put her items up first.  I also ask her if I can taste on of her cherries.  “Certainly, daughter,” she says, handing me one.  I brush it off and pop it in my mouth.  It sure was good, and I wished I had bought some for myself.  Then I noticed her eat one, take the pit out of her mouth, and surreptitiously put the pit in to a box of candy bars that was right there by the register.  “Marie!  What are you doing?”  She looked guilty.  “Oh, you saw me do that?”  I tell you: you can dress her up but you can’t take her anywhere!

So we finally, finally made it out of the store, of course with more than the 1 initial item we had gone for.  And you want to know what she said as she was getting out of the car at her house?  “I’ll see you in a couple of hours for your barbecue!”

Stay tuned!