Don't Believe the Hype

I believe it was P.T. Barnum who came up with the saying, “There’s one born every minute.”  Of course he was talking about suckers.  Now, I would never put myself into that category, but I have to admit: there was a time when I absolutely ‘bought into the hype’. 

I went to do a little shopping at one of my favorite local supermarkets.  When you walk into this particular establishment, the first area you come to is the produce section.  I was perusing the fruit and pretending I was going to buy something healthy to counterbalance the Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream I had scarfed down earlier, when suddenly I noticed a new display.  The sign read “Graples (gray-pulls): looks like an apple but tastes like a grape.”  Being a natural skeptic, I didn’t believe that for a second!  An apple that tastes like a grape?  That’s sheer madness! 

But then I made the mistake of picking up a package and smelling it.  It smelled like a luscious concord grape, one of my favorite fruits! I couldn’t believe it!  How did Mother Nature in all of her wisdom come up with such a thing?  It was a miracle of cross-pollination!

I hesitated over the price, which was $3.99 for a package of four.  Wait: with your special “card” it was only $2.99!  Well of course I had to buy that slightly overpriced package because it was on sale.  As I finished my shopping, every so often I would pick up the package and inhale.  I couldn’t wait to get home and try one!

 The first thing I did when I entered my house was warn Her Majesty Ms. Kitty: “These Graples are mom’s and only I will eat them!  They are apples that taste like grapes and they’re for me!  I’ve finally bought something special for me and they’re all mine!”  She looked at me, shrugged and said, “Whatever.” 

Then I had to prolong the moment: I picked up the package, inhaled it some more, and slowly opened it, quickly extracting one Graple so the wonderful aroma wouldn’t escape from the rest of them.  I held it to my nose and breathed deep: the rich aroma of deep, dark grapes!  Finally, I opened my mouth and took a big bite…

Wait a minute: that Graple didn’t taste like a grape, it tasted like a regular crappy apple.  They should have called them “Crapples”!  What was the meaning of this?  Now I decided to actually read the package, which said, “These apples have been injected with grape flavoring to give them the flavor of grapes.”  Well apparently the grape injection must have been like the flu vaccine:  not enough to go around because there was no grape flavor.  I had been duped!  I bought into the hype and it had cost me $3.00 for 4 apples.  Seriously???

Since I couldn't return them, I did the next best thing:   "Kitty honey, would you like one of mom's delicious Graples?   They're yummy!"

Hey: there was no reason for me to be the only sucker in the house!