One of the great things about a blog is you get to learn so much about the blogger. Here’s a little something more you can add to your file on me: I have a 3rd child. Trust me: no one was more surprised than I was at this discovery. The good news is I didn’t have to go through labor. The bad news is: it’s my mother.
You've read a little about Marie already. She turned 80 in November and is in pretty good health. So when I say child, I don’t mean she isn’t in full charge of her mental faculties. I mean she wants to be taken care of and have all of her needs met. Where can I sign up for that?
She isn’t snarky or mean about getting you to do things for her, or buy her stuff. She’s always very innocent about it. For instance, I took her to the grocery store after church supposedly so she could get something to make for Sunday dinner. This time it was Hannaford instead of Price Chopper. We went through the produce section, and they had a display of flowering plants. “Oh daughter, look at those plants! Wouldn’t you like to have one?” Well, I don’t really need a plant Ma. “But look at this one. It’s so pretty! I don’t want one for myself; I’m just trying to help you pick out something nice for your patio.” Okay then, I like the pink one. “Oh good, I’ll just put it in the cart for you. And look at this big white one! I’d like that, but I’m just a poor widow woman and I don’t have any money. But I’m so happy that you have something nice for your house.” Put it in the cart Marie. “Thank you daughter. The Lord is really going to bless you one day.” I’m still waiting…
Sometimes she doesn’t want to get out of the car if I’m going in the store, but she’ll say “buy me something”. What do you want? “Oh I’m just kidding; you don’t have to get me anything”. But I’ve been fooled before: if I don’t come back with something for her she’ll sigh and say, “When your father was alive I had all the money I needed to buy whatever I wanted. But now that I’m just a poor widow woman, I’ve learned to do without.” So it saves me a lot of aggravation and guilt if I just go ahead and buy her a treat. Then when I hand her a bag she says, “You didn’t have to get me anything! You work so hard for your money; you shouldn’t be spending it on me.” Seriously Marie? Who else is going to buy you your Tahiti Cookies from Pepperidge Farm?
When we go to church together, sometimes we like to go out for lunch afterwards. On this particular Sunday Marie decided that she wanted to take me to lunch and she was going to pay. Good times! So first she checked her purse to be sure she had a coupon for Red Lobster, and she did! However, she didn’t have her wallet in her purse so she had to go in her house to get it so she could use her credit card. But then we were on our way!
We get to the restaurant and I already know I’m going to have the steak Oscar. Marie decides on the shrimp jambalaya. Lunch was absolutely delicious and it was nice to relax and not have to worry about the bill for a change. The bill is placed on the table and I just pick it up to look at it. It wasn’t too bad, actually. My mother says, “I’d better get the coupon out.” However, she no longer had the coupon because she had changed purses at her house instead of just grabbing her wallet! “But that’s okay, let me have the bill so I can pay it.” Then she rummages through her purse, finds her wallet and begins going through it for her credit card. “Here it is!” she says triumphantly. Then she looks at it. “Oh dear: this one expired in August. I forgot to put the new one in my wallet!” Then she looks at me in all wide-eyed innocence, so I pull my card from my wallet and place it in the check folder. No coupon and no credit card: seriously Marie? “Daughter, the Lord is really going to bless you one day.” I know He is Marie…
I wish it was just lunch and plants, but there’s so much more to Marie. When the really hot weather recently returned last summer, she called me to borrow a sleeveless cotton top for an outing she had the next day. “Daughter you have so many clothes, you won’t mind lending me a top?” "No Marie, I’ll bring over a couple for you to choose from." I ended up taking 4 tops to her house for her to choose from. “I like the blue one, but I’m watching my show now. I’ll call you later and let you know which one I definitely decide on.” Imagine my surprise when she called me an hour later and told me that she was keeping all 4 of them! One of them still had the tags on it! “You just have so many clothes; you won’t even miss these 4 shirts. Thank you very much Daughter! You are so good to your poor mother.” Whether intentional or not I guess!
But I am happy to report that I am passing the torch on to Brie. Marie was lamenting the fact that her purse was falling apart and shedding. Woe was her: she so needed a new purse but she just wasn’t sure if she could afford one, what with being a poor widow woman and all. So I said that Brie had lent me a purse until I bought a new one; so maybe she’d lend the purse to her. Being a dutiful granddaughter, Brie took over the Gucci bag that I’d been using. But before she could say, “I’m loaning you my Gucci bag temporarily” Marie took it, rubbed her palm lovingly over it and said, “What a beautiful bag Brie! Just wait until I go to Bible study and tell all of my friends that my granddaughter gave me a Gucci bag!” Brie blanched, but didn’t have the heart to correct her and say she was only loaning her the bag temporarily. So now my mother is stylin’ and profilin’ with Brie’s authentic, expensive Gucci purse. And Brie is wondering if there’s any way she can count it as a tax write off…
In the grand scheme of things, I know it could be worse. And don’t think I’m not wondering if it’s a put-on or not. But at least I know the Lord is going to really bless me someday...
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