An Interesting Question #2

 I was driving to work one day last week and an interesting question was posed on the morning show I was listening to. The question was: what shocking thing did you find out about someone after they died?

That's an easy one for me. But I'll give you a little backstory first.

When my mother was in the hospital, there were all kinds of hoops you had to jump through to get certain programs / insurance to pay for her stay(s). I had to contact everybody and their brother to get information. I had to get so much documentation and verification, on top of my usual life stuff. It was exhausting. However, doing my searches, etc., I found out more than I ever wanted to know.

It turns out that Marie was my father's 3rd wife. 😮 Forget about mind blown: this was a mind eff. How had this never been disclosed before?

I needed a copy of my father's service record. After much digging and some help from a hospital administrator, we were able to obtain a copy of it. I looked at it, but something wasn't quite right. It was the name of the spouse. It said "Lucille". I was like, "Did Marie go by a different name when she and dad met?" But then I saw the year: 1942. That couldn't be right. Marie would have only been 12 in 1942. Then it hit me: it wasn't Marie! That was punch number one.

I decided to do a little investigative work, with the help of Snoopy Brie. And she was good at it! However, we didn't find any information on a Lucille Debnam from the forties. Brie kept digging, since she had some free time at work, and lo and behold: when she clicked on another woman named Debnam, she had my father listed as her husband! There was a picture of her cemetery plot, her obituary which listed him as her husband as of 1975 (the year she died), and a link to his cemetery plot. WTF??? Punch number two...

So that made Marie spouse number three. At one point I did get around to asking her if she knew he'd had two other wives, but she said no I must be mistaken. Trust me: I'm not mistaken.

There you have it: the shocking thing I discovered about my father years after he died. We tried to get in touch with a member of Vinnie's family (that was #2's name) but they never responded. And unfortunately, there is only one person left on my father's side that might have been able to provide answers, but let's just say she isn't a reliable source. 

So I'm thinking that perhaps this is God's way of telling me that some doors are best left closed. Especially if there could be more information that would hurt me more than I've already been hurt in the past.

Do you have any shocking things that you've discovered? 

Not #1 in My Book

 Hard to believe that the Grammys were only last Sunday. I'm not even going to try to get into all the controversy and conspiracy theories surrounding that event. However, I did love the salute to 50 Years of Hip-Hop. Too bad it wasn't longer with more of the pioneers there, like the SugarHill Gang (remember Rapper's Delight?) and Grandmaster Flash, the OGs of hip hop.

Anyhoo, Brie found a list of the 50 greatest rappers of all time. I said, "Good grief, who came up with this list and put Jay-Z as number 1? Nope: not in my book. He'd be lucky to be in the top 20. Or 30.

But that got me thinking: who would be in my list of top 10 rappers of all time? I mean we all know I'm the Queen of rap music 😆 So here, in no particular order except for #1, are my top 10 rap artists of all time.

• Busta Rhymes - Woo Hah, Got You All in Check was his breakout hit with the syncopated beat. And if you're a true fan, you know his rapid fire delivery of the verse in Chris Brown's song 'Look at Me Now', which he performed at the Grammys. And yes: those are real words he is saying: amazing! 
• Remy Ma - Home girl was good before her jail sentence, but came back stronger afterwards. Fat Joe really put her on the map! 
• Queen Latifah - She was one of the earliest female rappers in hip hop. She was part of the Native Tongues crew, which consisted of the Jungle Brothers, De La Soul (R.I.P Trugoy alias Plug Two) and a Tribe Called Quest. They were known for their social consciousness when it came to rap.
• Missy Elliott - need I say more?
• Eve - The first lady of the Ruff Ryders, she held her own amongst rappers such as DMX. And that wasn't easy!
• DMX - Which actually stands for Dark Man X (how many of you knew that?) was the first artist to debut an album at number 1 five times in a row. He is known for his trademark growl when he raps, and was the reigning King of hardcore hip-hop.
• Ice Cube - Once a part of NWA, when he embarked on his solo career the hits kept on coming. With that angry face and matching delivery, you knew when Cube was on the mic.
• Dr. Dre - One of the founders of NWA. Who knew that he would go from songs like "F--k the Police" to receiving the First ever Dr. Dre Global Impact Award at the Grammys? And they used to say rap would get you nowhere...he knew exactly what he was doing every step of the way. 
• Tupac - He was definitely one of the most influential rappers of all time prior to his "death"; selling more than 75 million records. Rolling Stone ranks him among the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility in 2017. He was inducted into the Hip-Hop Hall of Fame in 2002.  His posthumous Greatest Hits album (1998)was one of only nine hip hop albums to be certified Diamond in the U.S. Yet his life was cut short at the age of 25 (was it??). However, his music and legend live on. 
• Eminem - Without a doubt, this former angry young man is, in my book, the best rapper of all time. His lyrics, his delivery and his performances combine in a talent that pretty much defies description. We can thank Dr. Dre for this one!

So there you have it. Honorable mention has to go to Snoop Dog. But I think he'll forgive me. And sorry, not sorry Jay-Z. To me, you just don't hold up to my top 10. And everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Oh I Dreamed Last Night...

 It seems like such a long time since I posted. This is mostly because I had a bit of a health crisis a few weeks ago, so I didn't have the energy to post after I got out of the hospital. But baby: I'm back!!

A few nights ago I had a very interesting dream. I was doing a little shopping at an old-school store, like Ames or Zayre. I was pushing a stroller that apparently had my beautiful, sleeping 10-month-old baby in it, and I had my cell phone resting on my baby's stomach. I paused to look at something on a rack, and when I resumed pushing the stroller I noticed my cell phone was gone! Someone had the audacity to take it from on top of my baby! Another customer noticed my chagrin and told me I should go to customer service, as maybe someone had turned it in there. I guessed that made sense. So I went to customer service to check; and thankfully they did have my cell phone! Turning back to the stroller, I now saw that my baby was gone! Horrified, I looked everywhere for my baby but with no luck.

The next thing I knew I was home, and trying to decide how I could find my baby. I was getting ready to call the police when all of a sudden: my good friend Dave Thomas was there! (Dave actually died a few years ago, but I digress...) I said, "Dave! What are you doing here?" He answered, "I have something for you." Then he lightly throat-punched me, which kind of hurt and made me cough but I followed him into the next room. And there was my baby! Crying, I picked him up and held him. I went to thank Dave but he was gone. My baby had a scar by his chin and I thought someone had hurt him, but then I remembered it was an old scar.

I woke up. What the heck was that about? But as I laid there it hit me: it was January. Many years ago, when Brie was just a year old, I lost a baby that I was still mourning all these years later. Maybe God got tired of this every year. So...is it possible that He sent me this dream to show me that baby? The pregnancy had not made it to term, hence the missing baby in the stroller. Then my good friend who is deceased came to me (not really him, I'm sure, but probably an angel representing him) to finally show me the baby. All this time, since I have 2 daughters, I assumed it was a girl. But lo and behold: it was a beautiful boy! And since I got to see him: I'm sure he is being taken very good care of in Heaven, waiting until we really can meet.

You may not believe what I believe, but this certainly did bring me comfort. I fully believe the Bible when it says that we will know our loved ones in Heaven. So that means I will recognize that little boy when I see him. By the way: that baby boy's name is Rafael, nicknamed Rafi. 💓

The Forgotten One at Christmas

 Christmas time is here! Amidst all the hustle and bustle, present buying, Church service preparation, Christmas Eve / Christmas Day meal shopping, planning and prep, something seems to be overlooked year after year.

All thoughts go automatically to Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus, and of course the Christ child Himself. But how much thought is given to Joseph, who played a small but important part in the Christmas story?

As you know, the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and told her she was highly favored in God's eyes. She was chosen to be the vessel to carry the Son of God through immaculate inception. She was scared, and worried, and had questions but as a girl of faith (she might have been 16) she accepted this. She wasn't sure how this would all play out, since she was engaged to Joseph and she was going to be pregnant soon, but her faith gave her strength.

However, imagine her trepidation when she actually had to tell her fiancé that she was going to be carrying the Son of God, and hadn't actually cheated on him? And the conversation went exactly as she thought it would: he wasn't going to marry her. But because he was a man of honor, he said he would "put her away quietly" so no one would badmouth her.

Then, Gabriel made an appearance to Joseph in a dream to tell him that he can still make Mary his wife. He explained the circumstances and being a man of God, Joseph decided yes, he would quietly wed Mary his betrothed and become the stepfather to Jesus.

Even with that honor, there isn't a whole lot more about Joseph mentioned. We don't get much more insight into him.

And then: Michael Card wrote a song that sums it up perfectly. Here are the lyrics; and I get no recompense for this, it is all Michael Card. Please feel free to YouTube the song: it's absolutely beautiful.

Joseph's Song

How could it be this baby in my arms
Sleeping now, so peacefully.
The Son of God, the angel said
How could it be?

Lord I know He's not my own.
Not of my flesh, not of my bone.
Still Father let this baby be
The son of my love.

Chorus
Father show me where I fit into this plan of yours
How can a man be father to the Son of God?
Lord for all my life I've been a simple carpenter
How can I raise a king? How can I raise a king...

He looks so small, His face and hands so fair.
And when He cries the sun just seems to disappear.
But when He laughs it shines again.
How could it be?

Chorus

Father show me where I fit into this plan of yours.
How can a man be father to the Son of God?
Lord for all my life I've been a simple carpenter.
How can I raise a king? How can I raise a king...

How could it be this baby in my arms,
Sleeping now, so peacefully.
The Son of God, the angel said.
How could it be?

As beautiful as this song is, I have never heard it sung in a church service. Since I knew I'd never be able to get the key right, I couldn't sing the song. So I asked my good friend Jim Bird if he would sing it as special music during yesterday's service. He was honored to do so, and even dedicated it to my sister Robin. Once she discovered this song, it became her favorite for Christmas. It was just beautiful...thank you Jim.

I hope this has you thinking about the small but necessary part Joseph played in the Christmas story. I wish you all a Merry Christmas.

What They're Missing

 I received the local obituaries in my inbox this morning as I always do, for some reason. Maybe because last year, being late to the party, I found out that a friend of mine had died from covid several months ago, and I was devastated that I hadn't known so I could have reached out to the family. Hence my every morning delivery.

Anyhoo, when I opened them the first name that I saw was very familiar, although I didn't personally know the gentleman. He had died Thanksgiving morning surrounded by his loving family. Reading through, I realized that yes: he was the grandfather of a good friend of mine who was mentioned as a survivor of the deceased. So I sent him a quick text expressing my condolences. I was rather shocked at what I received back:

"Thank you. I don't even know him. I never even talked to the guy. He must be a real big piece of crap to not wanna have even met me. How did you hear that he died?" Hmm...apparently the grandfather wasn't surrounded by all of his family when he died; but just the loving ones indeed! 

I was getting ready to text him when he called me. I told him I had seen the obituary. Nope: no one had told him or his father that the man had died on Thanksgiving, no less. He wanted to tell his father before anyone else beat him to it. I said, "You really never met him?" He replied, "Nope, and now I don't have to worry about meeting him. I'm not sure how heaven and hell work. But I hope wishes can send someone to hell, because I hope he's there and his wife goes with him."

Listening between the lines, I realized there was a lot of hurt there. To know that your grandfather was local, but never wanted to meet you. And I'm pretty sure I deduced why...

First of all, I love my friend. He is funny and charming and business smart. We get together periodically and always have the best time and the best laughs. And he tells me everything. So thinking about how his family represents itself in public, I knew why the grandfather didn't want to meet him. It's because he is half Mexican, and that "sullies" the bloodline.

You would think that in this day and age, something like that would be considered ridiculous. But no: it still happens and could be generational with the grandfather. His father and mother haven't been together in many years, but the family still wasn't approving of this. So they ended up shunning the father and my friend.

That's really a shame because they don't know what they're missing. He is generous and enthusiastic about life and the glass is always half full. He has a great sense of humor and tells the funniest stories. He continuously works to better himself and hurts no one, although I know at times he has been hurt. And he's pretty easy on the eyes!

So it hurts me that he has an entire side of his family that dismisses him for a lame-ass reason. It isn't my place to say who this incredible young man is, but I'm going to pray a blessing for him. He knows I am always there for him. And I will pray that he rises above the bitterness, hurt and anger because he's better than that and better than the haters. The people in his life that love him, like me, are his family. And I'm going to get him to church so he doesn't really wish people to go to hell. Thankfully, God takes care of that. 🙏

Time Loop

 I have a friend that means a lot to me. We met in 2005, and became the unlikeliest of friends.  To be honest: there were times when we were not friends. However, we always made our way back to each other.

We worked for the same company but in different cities. When my job took me to the western part of the state, we usually arranged to see each other. It was always nice to see him in person instead of calling or texting or emailing.

We were casually texting in May when he dropped a bomb on me. "I have cancer."

You want to talk about hitting a brick wall...I was stunned. "What can you tell me? Are you okay?" He is not. After more testing, he informed me that it had metastasized, it is inoperable and he is getting a series of chemo shots. 

It was very hard for me to wrap my head around. He is so full of life, 6'5" tall and always so big and vibrant with a quirky sense of humor that you had to be quick to keep up with. I adore my friend and can't imagine him suffering or not being here. We only talked about it a little bit and I told him I would pray for him. He appreciated that.

Fast forward two months later and I get this text: "Today is attorney day. Have to take care of some stuff." That was the second brick wall I hit. That's something  you do when you don't expect to be here a whole lot longer. That was the one that made it all clear to me: I was eventually going to lose him. And the weird thing was: that morning, before I woke up, I actually had a dream that involved his attorney. That might have been why his news was so scary for me.

I had to see him. But whenever I would ask, he would put me off. Or send me a picture. He's lost so much weight, but even though his face is so much thinner: it's still a face that I love.

I worry about him so much. But he doesn't want that.

I haven't been sleeping well, as you can imagine. A couple of weeks ago I got up for work and started my usual routine. When I came out of the bathroom, I looked at the DVR clock. It said 7:02. I was way ahead of schedule so I took a little time with the dogs. I looked at the clock again. It was 7:02. What? I looked at the microwave clock. It said 7:08. I looked back at the DVR. 7:02. Back to the microwave: 7:02! WTH? Was I in some kind of time loop? It was frightening. I looked back at the DVR: still 7:02. Now the microwave said 7:13, and so did my cell. Shit, I had to get out of there and away from that 7:02!

When I got to work I emailed Brie and told her what had happened. "What do you think was up with that 7:02? Did you notice it?" She hadn't because she wasn't looking at the TV. "I'm sure it's nothing mom." "Okay."

But after those emails it  hit me: was that clock stuck on 7:02 because my friend had died at that time? I immediately texted him: "You need to text me back immediately. I don't care if  you just say hi. TEXT ME." He did not. "Seriously!" No word. Oh snap: was I going to have to call his wife? I was just about to call her when he responded, "I loved the poem you sent me last night." I didn't know whether to be mad or relieved. 

I emailed Brie and she replied, "Yeah...I was afraid of that. I thought he died at 7:02 too. Thank God he's okay because you are not ready." I don't know if I ever will be...

Later that morning she texted this to me:

So that was interesting. But I still was freaked out about it. And I don't do numerology or any of that stuff. However, good to know that at least it's an angel number. And hopefully I won't be stuck in any more time loops!

Behind the Music - Summer, the First Time

 The title kind of says it all. But let me back up...

Bobby Goldsboro was a popular pop and country singer/songwriter in the 60s and 70s. He was best known for wholesome songs like "Watching Scotty Grow", "Little Things", "Honey" (the biggest hit of his career) and "Little Green Apples".

Then once the 70s hit, Mr. Goldsboro went left in 1973. He wrote a controversial song entitled, "Summer (The First Time), which reached the Top 25. As a young girl barely out of toddler hood 😄 this song was absolutely scandalous. Let's look at the lyrics. As always, I own no rights to this song and make no profit from it:

'It was a hot afternoon, the last day of June, and the sun was a demon. The clouds were afraid, 110 in the shade, and the pavement was steaming.' So far, so good: it's a hot day and he really drove home this point and set the stage.

Then we get to 'I told Billy Ray, in his red Chevrolet, I needed time for some thinking. I was just walking by, when I looked in her eye, and I swore it was winking.' Yep: now we're starting to get an inkling...

'She was 31 and I was 17-' Hold the phone Mrs. Robinson: what nefarious thoughts were budding in your head about this innocent boy? 'I knew nothing 'bout love, she knew everything, but I sat down beside her on a front porch swing, and wondered what the coming night would bring?" I bet you did little boy! Even though you shouldn't have been wondering anything where this woman was concerned, except how many other teen boys had sat on that porch with her! Let's continue:

'The sun closed her eyes, as it climbed in the skies, and it started to swelter. The sweat trickled down, the front of her gown, and I thought it would melt her.' Now see if it was me, I wouldn't have been sitting outside sweating. But apparently she wanted him to watch the sweat dripping off of her. Yuck.

'She threw back her hair, like I wasn't there, and she sipped on a julep. Her shoulders were bare, and I tried not to stare, when I looked at her two lips.' Um...are you sure it was her two lips you were trying not to stare at? 'And when she looked at me I heard her softly say, "I know you're young, you don't know what to do or say, but stay with me until the sun has gone away, and I will chase the boy in you away."' Say what Mrs. Robinson??? Was 17 the age of consent in your state in 1973?

'And then she smiled, then we talked for a while, then we walked for a mile to the sea. We sat on the sand and a boy took her hand, but I saw the sun rise as a man.' 😲

At this part of the song you hear the crescendo of violins and hear waves in the background...you get the idea. Just in case you didn't realize they had sex. I'm sorry: she had sex. He "made love". And I guess his parents didn't realize he wasn't home at lights out. Or maybe they thought he was spending the night at Billy Ray's. Seriously.

The last part of the song: 'Ten years have gone by since I looked in her eye, but the memory lingers. I go back in my mind, to the very first time, and feel the touch of her fingers.' I have absolutely no doubt that he remembers that time: probably every single day. And I'm sure if he was with anyone else after that (no guarantees!) he compared them all to Mrs. Robinson. But I bet her next deflowering was with Billy Ray! Where's that song???