Thanks Burtie!

 I have a co-worker that I have nicknamed Burtie. I only call her that in emails, and no one else calls her that. But it seemed like a fitting nickname to me, so I'm going with it!

Anyhoo, the other day Burtie and I were chatting for a few minutes about our mothers, and how saintly they thought they were. "One time when I was maybe five," I began, "my parents took us to the store with them. When we got back to the car, I showed Marie a package of life savers." "Where did you get that?" she asked me. "From the store," Of course this did not sit well with her at all since it wasn't paid for. "That is stealing," she admonished, "and we don't do that." "I'm sorry," I said, feeling terrible. "That's okay," Marie said. "Just don't do it again. Give those to me." I did, and she proceeded to eat them in front of us kids. "Let that be a lesson to you," she concluded. Um...what was the lesson? Wait until your parent isn't around and then eat your stolen goods?

Burtie laughed. "That's a good one! But I bet I can top that;" She then told her story:

"When I was around three or four, my saintly mother took us to the store with her. She expected all of her children to be pious and saintly like she was but we were kids. So we went through the store and she got the items we needed and then went back to the car. Unbeknownst to us, my brother had taken some candy from the store and was eating it like there was no tomorrow. But my mother noticed and said, "What are you doing?" When my brother didn't say anything she made us all get out of the car and she marched us back into the store. She explained to the manager what had happened and he said, "Oh it's okay, it's kids being kids." "Oh?" my mother said. "When he comes back here in 15 years and steals from you, are you still going to say that?" The manager was nonplussed at that. "I want  you to punish him so he never steals again." The manager said, "What do you want me to do?" And my mother said in a low, menacing voice, "I want you to call the police."

"Well you wouldn't think something like that would happen, but by now the manager was afraid of my mother, and rightfully so! So believe it or not: the police were called in to scare my brother straight. And at the end of it all the store actually posted my brother's picture on the wall and it said, "If you see this person keep an eye on him. He's a thief."

I was aghast. "Are you kidding me??"

"Nope! My mother meant business! And it scared me so much: I've never to this day EVER stolen anything. We went into that Barber's Market almost every day and there was my little brother's picture. It was so embarrassing!"

I laughed and laughed. "That is awesome! Your mother is a gangster!"

"Yes she is!"

I just loved that story. Thanks Burtie for letting me tell it!

My Friend Argus

 

My very good friend Argus came up for a visit this week, and we got to go out Saturday night and catch up. He lives in PA and I hadn’t seen him in over a year (thanks Covid!). As we reminisced over potato skins and chocolate chip lava cake (which had NO lava, by the way) I remembered when we first met.

Theoretically, we shouldn’t be friends. My original job moved to Atlanta, GA 3 years ago and I wasn’t mobile. Luckily, I had taken a couple of Civil Service tests and was number one on the lists, so I got to interview for my current job and they loved me! So, I was in.

My first day I pulled into the parking lot and parked. I was early so I sat there for a few minutes. Presently, I saw this young man heading for the building. What was notable was he had a backpack, and even though it was August he was wearing a jaunty hat. Not a fedora, but something smaller and kind of similar. I immediately thought he was crazy and forgot about him as I got out of my car to go to Human Resources.

Afterwards I was escorted to my new office. Imagine my surprise when I entered, and the first person I saw was the guy in the hat! I was introduced to those I hadn’t met during the interview, and discovered his name was Argus. And based on the hat: the name fit. They had a nice welcome to Financial Aid continental breakfast spread for me, and everyone was very nice.

The brunt of the training fell on Argus, as I’d be doing that kind of work. It was a little awkward with both of us sitting at the same desk, but we made it work. He wasn’t the cuddliest person I’d ever worked with but I figured it was because we were strangers.

WRONG!! I asked one of my friendlier coworkers where I’d be sitting after my training. She said, “At Argus’s desk.” “Um – then where is Argus going to sit?” “Well, you’re replacing him so he will have to find another job.” I guess that explained the frostiness! Apparently, he had gotten that job through a temp agency and he knew in order to keep it and be hired as a permanent employee, he had to pass the civil service test and score in the top three. Unfortunately, he did not do so; so after almost two years they couldn’t put it off any longer. Some people just don’t do well with testing; whereas I used to do it as a hobby (yep: more proof I’m a nerd).

So now I was faced with a quandary: how was I going to get him to like me, when I was taking his job?  The simple answer: charm him with my usual friendly, funny, twinkly self! I knew this might be a challenge but I was up for it!

Well you know the rest: he couldn’t hold out when my charm is on full blast! It took a little work but eventually he thawed out enough to be friends. We would sometimes have lunch together, and I really have no idea how the other people in the room could stand us. We always ended up laughing uproariously at something, and they would just look at us and roll their eyes. Don’t be jealous of our good time! And occasionally we would meet out for a bite to eat or a coffee just to chat. He is quirky and funny and has the best laugh. I’m glad I got to find that out!

But alas: all good things must come to an end. His time in our office ended and he was going to see where his next work adventure would take him. Little did we know that it would be to an office 2 buildings down! So he got to come back for a while. Just when the 2 ladies in the break room thought it was safe to have lunch!

Anyhoo, getting back to his last day: he walked me to my car so we could say so long, not goodbye. We stood there and talked for a good 40 minutes, neither one wanting to leave. But we both had things to do so finally we wished each other well. And then he opened his arms. Yep: like a homing pigeon I went right into them. It was the best hug I’d ever received, and coming from Argus it meant a lot. It was a good, strong, full-body full-of- meaning hug: the kind you want to just go on forever. But we finally separated and I told him he was one of my favorite people in the world; and he dittoed that sentiment. Thankfully, before it got mushy, I said to him, “I’m really going to miss your hat.” That brought on the laughter.

Since then, he has moved to Pennsylvania but we still keep in touch. When he visits family members up north he lets me know when he’s coming so we can get together. I will text him and say, “I miss your hat. And your face.”  So when we get together we laugh. And hug. If he could bottle those, he’d be a millionaire.

We just got together this past Saturday night. We enjoy spending time together, and he has admitted that no one makes him laugh more than me. I say, “As long as you’re laughing with me and not at me!” to which he replies, “No guarantees!”

So that’s my story of Argus, the best hugger in the world. Yes, we hugged before we parted Saturday night. And that was even better than the lava cookie. 😊 I wish I could have one of those every day. Maybe someday from some lucky man! And in case you're wondering: the hat is called a Trilby. See: you do learn something new every day!

Aww...no hat!

Friday Flash

 

I’m at work and listening to my cool tunes on the Victrola (my phone). The song “The Big Payback” by James Brown comes on, and suddenly I have a flashback…

I’m back in high school at a Friday night dance. My best friends are with me, and the deejay is actually pretty good.  We were chitchatting, but all of us had our eyes on one of the chaperones. It was a student teacher named John Kahn.

In my mind’s eye I can still see him: taller than me, slender, slightly wavy dark hair, dark brown eyes and glasses and a mustache. Being a student teacher, he wasn’t all that much older than we were; and every girl I knew had a crush on him. Of course, I didn’t let anyone know that I had a crush, because I didn’t want to seem like everyone else. And you know how I like to stand out in a crowd!

Anyhoo, when a group of girls would dance he would join them and they would be jostling for position next to him. But being me: that wasn’t good enough. So during a lull I actually went up to him and said, “Do you think we could dance to the next one?” “Yeah sure!” he responded. Now I wasn’t sure if he actually meant it, if he said it to be nice, or if he was stoned and didn’t know what he was saying. (Oh please: we all knew he’d snuck outside to smoke weed with whoever was holding!)

Imagine my inner surprise and delight when he came to claim me for “The Big Payback”, which was one of my favorite songs! I couldn't believe the deejay had that song! And although his rhythm was a little off: who cared??? I was the only one he was dancing with and everyone was watching and all of my friends were totally jealous! And at the end of the day: isn’t that what it’s all about? I was the only one he solo danced with, probably because no one else knew how to catch that rhythm. (including him but again: who cared? He was hot.)

Ah, memories! And this was a good one for me. I sometimes wonder what ever happened to him, and if he really became a teacher. Regardless: I hope Mr. Kahn  led a good life and kept on dancing. You know I did!

A Little Bible Lesson

I feel like a little sermon today...

 Once upon a time I knew a man who swore up and down that he didn't believe in God. Yet in the next breath he would say, "I know my mother has her angel wings now that she's in Heaven."

Really? Who is she in Heaven with, if you don't believe in God? How did she get there? How would there be a Heaven without God? It just sprang from swamp water after the "big bang" happened?

And while he didn't "believe" in God, he would say, "My name is taken from the death angel." Wrong again! With no God, there would be no angels. And check the Bible: Michael is the angel of war, not death. "And there was war in heaven; Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not, neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him." Revelation 12:7-9. There was no name for the death angel in the Christian Bible, (just in other religions and paganism), whom God sent to kill the firstborn sons of the Egyptians. God told Moses to tell the Israelites to put lamb's blood on their doors so the death angel would pass over their houses. "For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the Lord. And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt. And it came to pass, that at midnight the Lord smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle." Exodus 12:12-13, 29.

By the way, just for the record: people don't "turn" into angels when they die, nor do they get wings. Angels are created beings, created to serve and worship God, often referred to as the Heavenly host. “You are the Lord, you alone; you have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host . . . and the host of heaven worships you.” Nehemiah 9:6. God formed man from the earth, and breathed the breath of life into him. "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7.

Even though I know this particular man won't see this post, I feel good having rebutted his supposed beliefs. 😏 

So there you have it. All scripture references are from the King James Bible, which is my favorite. If you want to discuss or have questions, feel free to contact me! Or better yet: come to church with me sometime. I guarantee you won't regret it!

My Muse

I was  cleaning out my personal email and happened to come across a document entitled "My Muse". I had no idea what this was. There was no original date on it so I do not know when I actually wrote this. However, I do remember who it was about, so it has to be approximately 20 years old. Wow... It isn't an example of my best work, but I'll still claim it. 

Anyhoo, here it is. Apparently I was a very different person when I wrote this! But that's okay: I'm still a beloved child of the King.

MY MUSE

I'll miss the way you look. Blue gaze endless 

as the sky at noon; 

A quicksilver smile with a hint of mischief. 

Lips pursed in an unconscious moue. 

Expressive hands, artistic fingers itching to make 

me your own private canvas.

I'll miss the way you talk. Excited, words tumbling 

over themselves in their haste 

to be free. 

Fierce: conveying your loyalty and support. Your

accent, reminding me

of a time 

that's long ago and far away...

I'll miss the way you smell. A mixture of 

cigarette smoke and 

couture cologne, 

with a touch of your own personal scent thrown in 

to assuage 

my olfactory senses.

I'll miss the way you feel. A naturally muscled 

torso inviting my hands 

to explore every area;

from pierced nipple to Eye of Rah and below.

I'll miss the way you kiss. Taking me by surprise 

every time, 

each kiss like a 

full frontal assault. Seemingly from nowhere,

to everywhere.

I'll miss the way you taste. Like springtime, 

spearmint and abundant life.

But you're not springtime: you're Autumn. Teasing, 

transient Indian summer 

leading to a bleak, never-ending winter. 

My metaphor for your departure.

Imminent, permanent, unavoidable. I'll miss...you...

A Movie Marathon

 Saturday I got up early enough to catch the movie "The Dark Tower", starring my husband Idris Elba. I figured I'd watch it until it was time to get ready to go to the gym, and then record the rest. I had seen it at the theatre but it certainly warranted watching again!

I began to get ready. I was exiting the bathroom after my shower, but then started to feel... off. I made it to the couch and sat there for a couple of minutes. "Are you okay?" Brie asked. "Not really," I responded. I finally got out  my meter and checked my blood sugar. Yep: I was having a sugar low.

I don't have these very often, but when I do I know it. Then my girls spring into action. Of course I couldn't find anything close by to up my sugar, so thankfully Kitty brought me a caffeine free Pepsi and some taffy. "Here you go mom: this will help!" What a combination! But I dutifully drank some Pepsi and ate a couple of pieces of taffy.  Slowly I began to feel better but knew I wouldn't make it to the gym that day. Or anyplace else for that matter. So I laid on the couch to watch the rest of Dark Tower. I mean to rest!

My blood sugar level did go up some, but shockingly not a lot. I had another swig of Pepsi, Kitty made me something to eat, I checked the channel guide, and decided to watch the movie "Logan" with Hugh Jackman. I had never seen it and figured I'd probably fall asleep during it.

Nope! It was a good movie, full of action and gore, not like the other X-Men movies but I enjoyed it until the sad ending. I'm not going to ruin it for you: watch it yourselves if you want to know what happens. It's worth it!

There is a  new movie that is coming out this year that is the 3rd in a successful installment of movies. I had heard that you needed to see the first two to really enjoy this one. And lo and behold: the other two were coming on back to back! So I got ready to watch...Deadpool 1 and 2.

I had never been able to make it past the first couple of minutes of even the first one. But on this day, being pretty much just a fixture on the couch for the day, I figured I'd power through. And you know what? Yes they were rude and crude and violent and gross and whatnot: but also funny as all get out. Ryan Reynolds is amazing and funny, and the rest of the cast was so good in their roles! In the second one there was a teenage boy who for some reason reminded me of Rebel Wilson, but I digress. 

Anyhoo, I watched both movies and was glad I did! Then thinking about them, I realized that none of the characters in the upcoming movie, were in either Deadpool. And that's when I realized it wasn't Deadpool at all, but Suicide Squad! Seriously! And it would only be the second Suicide Squad movie, not the third. If my sugar had been normal maybe I would have realized sooner. But I didn't. And you know what? I'm not even mad about it. Those were two guilty pleasure movies, and I needed some pleasure that day. I'm pretty sure I won't watch them again and I don't regret seeing them.

But now: do I have it in me to watch Suicide Squad? Should I? Maybe if they show it on a Saturday when I'm home. However, please hold the sugar low!

 

Music While Working From Home

My original laptop is 10 years old. Ben, my tech guy (thankfully the beard is gone!), says it's the last good Dell that was made and he keeps it in tiptop condition. But maybe 3 years ago Brie bought me a new laptop for Christmas so my Dell kind of fell by the wayside.

Now, however, since I am working from home, the Christmas laptop is too small. So the Dell is back in business! When I charged it, turned it on and saw my desktop, I realized that my iTunes were still there. That was the good news. The bad news was it hadn't been updated in a couple of years, I had no clue what my password was and I needed that music!

Long story short: I did the LONG overdue update, reset the password and then logged in. However: I didn't see any of my songs. What happened to them? Lord knew I would be hard-pressed to buy all of those songs over again! And then I saw it: my music icon up in the left-hand corner. Silly me! So with much anticipation, I clicked on the icon -

And a whole unexpected world of song titles was in front of me! Songs I had totally forgotten about! Songs with great memories! And then songs I had never heard of...where had they come from? After listening to a few seconds of some of them, I remembered that at one point Schmoop-Dog had given me an iTunes card and asked me to make him some CDs. Whew! Glad the Rhino Bucket, Ugly Kid Joe, Whitesnake  and Danger Danger songs didn't belong to me!

Of course, according to Brie, there are some songs I shouldn't claim either. For instance, she hates the song "Evacuate the Dance Floor" by Cascada. She says no one would have heard of that song of it wasn't for that Dance Revolution video game and commercial. She's probably right, because I only heard the part from the commercial and I was hooked. Never even heard it on the radio! She also dislikes my dance tunes from my disco days when I was the Queen of the Club, at the age of 16 and 17 (don't tell Marie!). But those were great days! Who doesn't love Put Your Body In It, Keep Your Body Working, and Push Push in the Bush? I mean: besides Brie. Hey: dancing to those long club cuts is the reason why I was able to model my way through college. It kept my figure on point no matter what I ate! And my legs are still holding up! Disco rocks! Oh, and there are also rock songs, R&B and 600 more so I never run out of music.

And for the record: she had me download some questionable songs for her too. Like Duffle Bag Boy, I'm on One, Ice Cream Paint Job, Put it in Your Mouth and Whip and Nae Nae. Needless to say: I have deleted those songs.

So now my iTunes are just great songs that make my work from home day go by faster. I sing along, chair dance and basically forget any blues I may feel from having had to work from home for so long. And good news: I'll be back in the office 5 days a week starting August 2nd! Yay!

But I will miss the chair dancing and singing out loud. Somehow I don't think my co-worker Nancy would appreciate that particular show 😀 Or would she???? 😎