Pass the Cigars!

Going through some files on my computer, I came across the following, which I never posted. It's about my beautiful Luna, and her adopted brother Binky. I know there were a couple of previous stories, but this one was the most interesting. So from somewhere around...2000, here we go!

As time wore on, Luna and Binky continued with their little hijinks. These included hiding our jewelry (she would knock it on the floor and they would bat it into a plastic bag) and lying right in front of my bedroom door so when I opened it in the morning, they would be the first things I’d trip over on my way to the bathroom.

Binky outgrew his name as he got older, but Luna continued to be a lightweight. When it came time for them to get spayed and neutered, we made Binky’s appointment but Luna didn’t weigh enough to have the procedure. This wasn’t an issue, as Binky, to put it mildly, never did seem to be the brain trust of his litter. But of course we loved him anyway.

The day before Binky’s appointment, I received a frantic phone call at work from Brie. “Mom, something’s wrong with Luna!”

“Oh no! What happened to my Tootie-girl?!”

“I’m not sure but I think she hurt her back or her legs. She’s crawling around on the floor, dragging her hind-end and she’s yowling!”

Another one of Luna’s nicknames was mute-cat, because she never meowed or anything. So this was highly suspicious behavior.

Suddenly, the light bulb went on. “Oh no! She’s in heat! Get her and put her in the bathroom; don’t let Binky get near her!”

“Okay mom.”

All we needed was for Binky, in his myopic clumsiness, to attempt to put his big body on top of my little Loony-patootie. But he hadn’t exhibited any type of behavior even reminiscent of birds and bees knowledge. So I knew I wasn’t going to be the surrogate grandmother to a litter of kittens. The next day Binky got snipped, and we figured we’d gotten it done just in time!

And lo and behold, Luna finally started to put on a little weight so we could schedule her appointment with the vet. I would pick her up and notice she was getting heavier, and I asked her, “Luna, are you finally getting your womanly figure, my tootie-tootie-tootie?” She would purr and rub her furry little head against mine, because wouldn’t you if I called you my tootie-tootie-tootie?

A few weeks later, Schmoop-dog and I went out to dinner. Afterwards, we stopped off at my parents’ house to visit for a few minutes. “Have you called home?” Marie asked me. “No, why?” “I really think you should.”

I dialed my house and Brie answered the phone. “Mom! Luna had kittens!”

I can honestly say that is the first time my legs gave out under me and I plopped into a chair. “What? How could that be?”

“Apparently Binky wasn’t as slow as we thought. He must have gotten to her before I realized she was in heat.”

When I got home, there was Luna with 3 tiny kittens. Brie said, "We heard Luna yowl a bit earlier, and Kitty told me she had a kitten. I told Kitty there was no kitten: she probably saw a bug. Then I figured if a bug was as big as a kitten, we were in trouble. So I went in the kitchen and lo and behold: by that time there were two!"

"Well, and now there are three!" I looked at mama Luna, who stared back at me. "Isn't this something?" Then Luna let out another yowl and a fourth one popped out! I wasn't expecting that at all! Thanks for saving one for me Luna.

So Luna hadn’t been getting her womanly figure, she had been growing four kittens in her tummy. Can you tell Biology wasn’t my best subject in school? Or Brie's best subject either, ha ha. And you know I wanted to keep all of those kittens, but common sense won out and we just kept the little orange and white tiger, Charlie. But maybe someday I'll have a cat again. Maybe...