Wardrobe Malfunction

A few years ago I had a year that was quite stressful for me.  I found myself constantly on edge and occasionally suffering from shortness of breath.  Since I have a pre-existing condition, I decided to call good old Dr. Bob to get things checked out.  After a routine exam, it was decided that I should go to a cardiologist and have a “stress test”.  In the meantime, I was written out of work for 2 ½ weeks as a preventative measure.  Thanks Dr. Bob!

I’ve had a stress test before so I wasn’t worried about it.  Prior to the appointment I was given a two-page list of dos and don’ts, and they weren’t too alarming.  I figured it would be a easy, especially since I had done so well with the spinning classes before!  I was more than ready for a mere walk on a treadmill.

The morning of the test I dressed in my cute little workout Capri’s, a v-necked tee shirt, Joe Boxer socks and sneakers.  I figured this way they could attach the electrodes to whatever wasn’t covered up by clothes.   I was ready for this little workout!  However, when I arrived and was ushered into the room with the treadmill, they told me to undress from the waist up.  Why?  There was room for the electrodes under my shirt and down the low neckline.  But they said no and made me take it off, plus my foundation garment!  “Here,” the first nurse said, handing me a paper garment.  “You can cover up with this smock top.”

They left the room; I removed my clothing from the waist up and put on the smock.  Hmm, what was wrong with this picture?  First of all, I’m tall, 5’10” without shoes.  Second, being on the northern side of 40, gravity has a greater hold on certain parts of the anatomy which naturally makes them face a more…southerly direction.  To sum it up, even with the front of the smock drawn closed, my “naughty bits” were peeking from beneath the smock!  If I hadn’t been so mortified, I probably would have laughed.  But this was no laughing matter!

The nurse returned and asked if I was ready. “Are you kidding?”  I asked.  “Hello, I think I need a little more coverage, thank you very much!”

“Hmm, I see what you mean,” she said, and then she helpfully took something that I can only describe as a blue cape-like garment and put it around my shoulders, tying it around my neck.  That was her solution. 

So now not only can you see a bit of the twins, but I looked like a demented superhero with the cape.  However, as she pointed out, once I was on the treadmill, they wouldn’t be able to see anything because the sides were covered up.  Well that was good news, wasn’t it?

Actually the good news was everything turned out all right: I just needed to R-E-L-A-X and learn to destress before it did turn into something.  But seriously: I figured I'd destress AFTER I was able to put my clothes back on!