I have known for a long time that I have a superpower. I wish I had more control over it, but unfortunately it only occurs periodically: and that’s when I’m in my car. You see, when I’m in my car, I’m invisible. I know this is true, because if people could see me, then they wouldn’t be doing/saying/wearing what they are while I’m in my car.
For instance, late Friday afternoon I took Kitty to Blockbuster because she just had to have a DVD. Yes I know she’s the only person who still goes to the actual store, but I digress. Anyhoo, I opted to stay in the air-conditioned car because it was still almost 90 degrees and I had the air on. As I’m sitting there, idly watching the world go by, this car pulled in ahead of me. I watched as a couple got out, and great googly-moogly: let me tell you what I saw. A woman got out of the driver side. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts. Neither article of clothing would have been bad, if she had either a) realized she had big boobs; b) realized said boobs needed to be in a bra; c) worn underwear; and d) realized said missing underwear would have aided in keeping said knit shorts out of her butt. Fortunately, the man she was with fared better than she did. Although you could tell that the waistband of his shorts was under his belly, at least it appeared that he was wearing underwear and surprisingly didn’t have moobs.
Even though I wasn’t too happy with what I saw, it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen while sitting invisibly in a vehicle. One time I was on the highway in a truck, which sat very high up. I looked out the window and saw a man – let’s just say he was REALLY enjoying his afternoon commute ALONE. Seriously??? Both hands on the wheel buddy! And I mean the STEERING wheel!
When we lived at 441, I had grown to hate going into the house, because there was such a bad vibe about that place. So I would sit in the car in the parking area in the back and read, or just collect my thoughts before sucking it up to go inside. As I was sitting there one day, I noticed the next door neighbor and a new “friend” christening his new motorcycle. It’s not like you can roll down the window and yell “Get a room!” because then they know you’re there and will end up not liking you. The best bet was for me to just avert my eyes and try to hum loudly to drown out any other sounds emanating from between the bushes. And those sounds were NOT melodic!
I also got to see a few drug sales go down while in my Taurus. After all, there were at least 2 drug dealers also living at 441 during any given time. 6 apartments in that place and during my entire tenancy there were always drug dealers living there that the landlord didn’t do anything about. Or I’d see “Mr. Swastika”, as I dubbed one of the neighbors due to the fact he never wore a shirt and had a big swastika tattoo on his chest, sitting out in the back with his cronies, smoking pot and drinking beer. He’s the same guy that had a sign on his door that read, “Both me and my wife are on probation, so no alcohol or drugs are allowed inside.” Guess that’s why he was outside!
But I wish I had Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility so I could really be invisible sometimes though. What a rush that would be! So instead of seeing random people that look like they’re from the people of Wal-Mart website, I can be selective with what I want to see. Wow, I can think of lots of places, and people, I'd like to see while wearing that cloak. Hmm, I’ll have to work on that J
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