Why I'm Not Having Surgery

 

So after over three years of caring for my mother at my house, she is in a really good nursing home. I just couldn’t provide 24/7 care for her anymore and had to finally admit defeat. But she is being well taken care of, they have had NO instances of COVID and she has a wonderful view of the mountains from her room. That’s the good news.

The not so good news is that with these years of helping her, especially if she fell or needed help up from her chair: my left shoulder and low back are jacked up.  When I went to the ortho after I had new x-rays taken, he showed me the x-ray from 2017 and the new one. “Good grief, what kind of abuse have you been experiencing?” he asked. “You have bursitis, calcium deposits, a torn tendon and bone spurs.” Yep: all that damage from taking care of my mother. And yes: it hurts like a mother! But it’s what you do for your parent.

Anyhoo, I’ve been going to PT which I dislike intensely. I have pretty much no range of motion (without excruciating pain) when I try to reach behind me or raise my arm past a certain point. So what I like about PT is the heat pack, the ultra sound and the ice pack at the end. Any actual exercises just make me mad because it hurts. But I do them to the best of my ability and then go home and whine to the daughters who roll their eyes and tell me I need to do them. Haters!

I recently had an MRI done and the ortho set me up with an appointment to see the surgeon because he really feels that some arthroscopy to clean up my shoulder will go a long way towards helping me. I see the surgeon in four weeks. I asked my ortho how long the healing process is and he said 12 weeks. I said, “Out of work????” and he said no, I could probably go back to work after 4 to 6 weeks. Small consolation: that’s all of my vacation and sick time!

So here’s the reason why I’m not having surgery: because there is no one to take care of me while I heal. Sure my girls say they will. LIES! And here’s how I know.

Right now, since I can’t reach behind me, I cannot unhook my b-r-a. If I ask Kitty to help me, she looks like she expects me to flash her afterwards. I have to reassure her that she only has to reach under the back of my shirt and do it. She is still very squeamish about it and tries to do it without actually touching me.  Sheesh, I changed your diaper but you don’t want to help me with this small task??

Brie, on the other hand, acts too happy to do it. She tries to creep me out by doing the porn music while she’s unhooking it. She thinks she’s funny but she is not! At least she gets it done without acting like I have cooties.

When I am getting dressed I can at least put the b-r-a on backward, hook it, turn it around and then try to slide the straps over my arms. But I can’t exactly do the left side so again I have to ask creepy Brie for help. Which involves waking her up, which is an adventure all by itself. Once I get her cognizant and coherent she is good about it. The only unfortunate thing is that once I get my arms in and the straps up, (gentlemen close your eyes for this part) sometimes all of my naughty bits are in the b-r-a and sometimes they aren’t. Then I have to do this move that hopefully shakes everything into place.

But the best part is my hair. I can’t do the left side correctly because I can’t raise my arm. So again: time to wake up Brie. Sometimes I am successful: sometimes not so much. She was sleeping on the couch one morning and I said, “Can you help me with my hair?” “Sure momma.” She then proceeded to not only not turn her face from the back of the couch: she also just moved her hand in the air like she was actually touching my hair. “Brie, you’re supposed to be doing my hair!” “I am momma.” Still waving her hand in the air. “It looks really nice.” “You haven’t even touched it nor looked at it!” Still facing the couch: “Yes I did and you look beautiful momma.” Seriously! I cannot make this stuff up.

At least the one thing they will do is spray or roll icy hot on me. Not because they love me: oh no, it’s because they don’t have to touch me. Rude! It isn’t like I have crocodile skin: my skin is actually quite nice since I take good care of it. Well, most of it. Sorry left side! Guess I’ll have to keep on with the PT and maybe consider the arthroscopy so I can stop torturing the girls into helping their mother.  

So until I can find someone, other than the dogs, to take care of me during a convalescence: say a prayer for me healing and not needing surgery at all!

Gypsy Rose Rita

I had thought all summer about doing a blog discussing my beginning club days. I was 16 when I started going out dancing and I was immediately hooked (love you Lisa J!). But since its mid September that boat has kind of sailed. But due to some recent events here's a memory that has come back to the surface.

End of summer 1976. My parents decided to take the change-of-life kids, Clancy and Robin, on vacation to Maryland for a week. The rest of us couldn't go because we all had to work. So you know what that meant: PARTY TIME!!

My older brothers were notorious for the parties they threw. All of my girlfriends knew this. So with no parents around, and their parents not knowing it: we planned to go to the Airport Inn at night and then they would stay at my house and party with the older fellas. Sounded fine to me as long as a i got my fix of dancing with guys from New York City and Montreal first.

I didn't smoke or drink or do drugs. Dancing with hot guys was my drug of choice! We girls would go out until one or two a.m. and then beat it back to my house. I'd say hi and goodnight to the guys and go to bed upstairs: leaving my girls to...whatever they were doing! Then in the morning I would get ready for work and step over the bodies sleeping on the floor as I left for work!

And then Thursday night rolled around. Out to the club as usual and then back to the house. But this night I stayed up a while to be social; finally heading upstairs later than usual and knowing I would be a sleepy unit at work.

Upstairs there were two large bedrooms but I used the bed in the hallway. I was exhausted and only had a couple of hours to sleep. I slipped out of my skirt and pulled my top off over my head. I hung the clothes up on the clothing rack and finally slipped beneath the sheets, turning over to sleepily face the wall.

Suddenly: I wasn't alone! Someone had slid into the bed with me! I hurriedly turned back over and it was my brother's best friend who shall remain nameless. "What are you doing???" I asked.

He looked confused. "Um...I was in the bedroom and i thought you were undressing for me. "

"No, I was undressing for me. I have to be at work in like 3 hours. I had no idea that anyone was up here."

A crestfallen look came over his face. "Oh. So you want me to go?"

This was a really good-looking guy that I had had a crush on for two years and NEVER thought I'd ever have a chance with. Healthy, tall, tan, smart and only dressed in his underwear. I honestly paused for a moment. But then I remembered who I was. I wasn't like my friends, I was only 16, went to church every Sunday and was planning to hold on to my virginity until I was married. Yes I went clubbing and occasionally kissed a guy or two (it was the 70s!) But I knew who I was. Regretfully (hey I was still a human teenage girl!) I said, "Yeah, I think its best if you go back to the room." He kissed my cheek. "Okay goodnight." Then I watched him go back into the room.

Yes thats right I watched him. I was 16 and he was fine and only in underwear! But seriously as I think back on that a lot of things could have gone wrong. He could have refused the word no. He could have cursed at me and called me a tease. Or he could have gone downstairs and lied to everyone about bagging me. But he did none of those things because at the end of the day he respected my wishes: something that doesn't always happen in situations like that.

When I recounted this to my girlfriends (come on, you knew I would!) they couldn't believe I turned him down. "You did a strip tease for him and then turned him down???" one friend asked incredulously. "I didn't know he was there!" I insisted. "House rules were no one upstairs." Another girl said, "I wouldn't have said no!"  Few girls would have but I'm thankful that even though I was naive back then: I was still smart enough to keep my reputation intact. Thankfully that was also the last night of notorious parties so I wouldn't be tempted again.

And thats my Gypsy Rose Lee story: the closest I ever came to being a stripper!

Still Saying the Darnedest Things Part 3

My darling Kitty has one of the sweetest dispositions of anyone I know. She's generally cheerful and everyone loves her.

But what most people don't know is that she has a bit of a macabre side. She collects Living Dead Dolls, which are dolls that come in a casket complete with a death certificate. They are eerily beautiful, but can be a bit frightening. Just ask Brie's friend Jennifer, who is terrified of them. Especially since there is one that looked just like her named Tenebrae!

When Jennifer spent the night once: in the morning she heard something scratching at the door and swore it was one of Kitty's dolls. We told her it was just Victoria the cat wanting to get in, but to this day she doesn't believe that. 😂

Kitty doesn't have the dolls to scare people: she finds them intriguing and uses them to make stop-motion videos that she puts on YouTube on her kaiennasunshine5000 channel. Please check it out! She does music video covers (Addicted to Love is one of my favorites!) and she also does mini movies. She is so talented! Here's a shot of some of the "backup dancers" from one of her videos.

Frozen Charlotte doesn't get to be in videos much because she has on ice skates.

Anyhoo, so sweet Kitty loves these dolls and uses them in very creative ways. They are on a stand in her room and now there are 50 of them...so we tread lightly when we have to go in there!

Here is a picture of Sadie, she's the one on the right, and she's the ringleader. This was actually a shot I had planned to use as the cover for one of my books. Then I thought better of it!

With all this being said, and in case you don't believe how dark Kitty can be: let me tell you what she said to her sister 2 days ago. Unfortunately Brie had a growth removed from her leg. The biopsy results came back that there are abnormal cells and they need to go in again. Of course this just devastated us. But God is on the throne and we know it will turn out all right.

She and Kitty had some sister errands to run. On the way home, Kitty says to her, "Your leg will be okay." Brie thanked her for the sentiment. Then Kitty followed that up with, "But just in case they have to amputate it: will you see if  you can bring it home for me?" Brie was not amused; but when she recounted this to me I laughed out loud. I'm sorry: funny is just funny and at least it lightened the mood!

So that's our Kitty 😄 You gotta love her!

Harder Than I Thought

This isn't anything I've broadcast, but Marie has been declining health-wise this year. I took care of her for over three years. I'm not going to go into detail, bur her diabetes has gotten harder to manage, she has some dementia, diabetic neuropathy and was having trouble walking. She knew that if it got to the point where she couldn't walk: I wouldn't be able to take care of her.

Sadly, we hit that point last Monday at 3 in the morning.  She didn't want to go to the hospital but I knew she needed to go. There wasn't much I could do for her because my left shoulder and lower back are jacked from years of getting her or my father up if they fell; or helping them up from a chair. Bone spurs, a torn tendon, calcium deposits and bursitis: I hope somehow I can avoid surgery. But I digress...

I was able to go to the ER with her. No good news there: I was told that I could no longer care for her at home and she needs 24/7 care now.

It's weird: in the back of my mind I had wondered if I would "get my life back", so to speak. But now that it's imminent: it isn't what I thought it would be. I've become so used to seeing her in my house that it's hard not seeing her there, and knowing she won't be back. I have been sleeping on the couch for a year so I could hear her if she needed anything in the night. I'm still on the couch when I can finally be in my room. I still wake up at 1:30 a.m. and don't fall back to sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. Every night. Her chair is empty. Her sparkling waters are still in the grocery bag. And her snacks from Schmoop-Dog are still by her chair.

Last Thursday she was transported to a facility up north for rehab. But the doctor has already said the dementia will be a big detriment to rehab. So I will have a conference call this Thursday to discuss a plan going forward.

And what does "getting my life back" consist of? Me, like Bella from Twilight, sitting and staring at her empty chair. Yeah: not having Marie here is harder than I thought...

Fashion During the Pandemic

Goodness, I could barely type the title with a straight face! What fashion? Yes I started out with the best of intentions, but you know what they say about that.

All the experts said that just because you're home: do the same things you would do as if you were going to the office. So up early, shower, get dressed and head for my workspace and working at 8.

This worked for about a week, and then my will got less and less. Up not as early, bird bath, leggings and sweatshirt and working at 8.

Then, as the shelter in place dragged on, some mornings became roll off of couch, stumble into the work area and hope there were no Zoom meetings scheduled. If there was a virtual meeting, 15 minutes before I would go into the bathroom to make myself presentable from the waist up and be camera ready by the time I logged into Zoom. I was doing...okay.

But as the pandemic wore on, the hardest hit for me was hair salons being closed. This was not good news for my hair. After a while it looked like Victoria was curled up on my head, which was not the look I was going for. I continued to moisturize and brush and what not but my hair waved the white flag and said 'good luck'! Thank goodness my salon finally reopened and I was able to tame my mane.

However, when the weather turned sub-Saharan and stayed that way: I knew wardrobe was going to be an issue. Even though my normal body temperature runs low, I run warm. So when the heat index is over 100, humidity is high and it's in the 90s finding something to wear is problematic. After all: if you're cold you can put on more clothes but if you're hot there's only so much you can take off in public before you're arrested.

Thankfully I have a lot of tank dresses and sleeveless dresses. But some of them are knit and no one wants to wear that fabric when it's 94 degrees. The ones that are cotton should be cooler, but that material sticks to you and heaven forbid you forget to un-tuck whatever got molded to a crevice! I have no idea why I have summer maxi dresses, when that's like wrapping your whole body in a sheet. Not refreshing! And then I was looking for a certain black and white print dress and thought I saw it through the side of a tubby. Yay! I lifted the lid a crack and pulled it out.

What I actually pulled out was a dress I had never seen before. It was a blue dress with white stripes. It looked like a beach cover up but I don't go to the beach. There was no price tag on it; and without my glasses I couldn't even read the label. So I asked Brie, "Is this yours? Have you seen it before?" She answered, "Nope! When did you buy it?" "I don't think I did!" But you know what? I threw that mystery dress on and kept it moving!

Even though the college is closed right now, I am able to work there a couple of days a week. The first day I was there I saw the Business Manager and she was wearing jean shorts. Eureka!! If that woman can wear shorts on campus, so can Rita! Until we reopen, that is. Dilemma solved!

Now I just need to hope that the weather cools before we actually reopen to the public. Otherwise I'll have to take scissors to those maxi dresses!

TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!

When I started this blog on November 14, 2010, I wasn't sure what it would be or how long it would last. I wanted to put myself out there as a way for people to get to know me, so hopefully they would buy my books on Amazon and Nook. However, after awhile it wasn't so much about my eBooks anymore: but about me and if I could keep people entertained. At the risk of sounding immodest, I think I have, and I love doing it!

Originally, when I heard that humor writer Dave Barry was taking a break from his column, I figured I would contact my local paper and see if they would let me take his place and do a humor column. The Features editor emailed me back and said for me to send him some samples, 500 words in length, and he would let me know. So happily I did this, but I didn't hear back from Will Doolittle. And then maybe a month or two later, I saw a new "humor" column being written by someone I knew that worked at the paper already! So he took my idea and gave it to someone else! Probably to save money. As you can imagine, my little puppy feelings were very hurt and it was hard for me not to say anything to the woman about it. To this day, I don't think she knew. Or if she did, she never said anything to me. My satisfaction came from hearing that people didn't find her column that entertaining or funny. Vindication for me!

I hadn't set any goals on how many followers I wanted. And it's a good thing, because currently I only have eight! That's okay though: because you don't need to be a follower to read my blog posts. In a minute I'll give you my proof of that.

Over the years I think my writing has gotten better, and the content as well. My main focus is humor because we all need a good laugh at times. But some is serious, some is sad, and some is just foolish. However: it's all honest and it's all me. I'm not afraid to let you in.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I started paying attention to the different tabs that let me know how many reads I had per day, week, month and so forth, and where my readers were located. Let me tell you: I was shocked at some of this information; and now I'm going to share it with you.

As of this writing, I have had 20,002 reads! I surpassed 20,000 and I am thrilled! But that's not the only thing. I discovered that people are reading me not only in the US, but in other countries as well! Who would have thought?????  I think that may have started while I was on Google + because that was a great platform that is sadly no more. But here are the other countries that are reading Rita and contributed to the 20,000 reads:

• France
• Russia
• United Arab Emirates
• Poland
• Canada
• Germany
• Spain
• Portugal
• China
• Vietnam
• Czechia
• Argentina
• India
• Egypt
• Ireland
• Great Britain

This is so exciting, and probably due to Twitter as well. Also, there is  a label of Unknown Region. I don't know if this is the International Space Station, outer space or what other country but 644 reads came from there. Keep reading!

Regardless, I want to thank each and every one of you that reads my crazy little blog and shows me love. And don't think this post is the end: it's a new beginning! Let's see how long it takes to get me to 30,000 reads! By the way: please feel free to comment or reach out to me if you like. I love to talk about my writing. Thank you, stay safe and God bless you my friends.

Musical Memories

My oldest brother Carl is almost as big a music fanatic as I am. Recently he sent me some CDs with old school R&B songs. I finally had a chance to throw one in my car's CD player and was immediately taken back to favorite memories of hearing some of those songs. Of course most of those memories included me as a minor in a dance club but hey: it was the '70s! And those songs made me think of other songs and memories. Here are a few of those that really make me smile:

• Deniece Williams' Free - Underage, I was deejaying at the Golden Grill Disco. At the end of the night you always played a slow song so people could get up close and personal before leaving. I called from the deejay booth to this girl named Sheila (aka Thunder Thighs), "Sheila what do you want to hear?" She smiled up at me and said, "Free" because she had been dancing with this really good looking guy that she ended up leaving with. You're welcome Sheila!
• Patrice Rushen's Forget Me Nots - I'm at the Golden Grill Disco in Saratoga Springs dancing with Aaron Hamilton. I was wearing a long white skirt, lavender top and killer high heels. He was wearing jeans and a basketball jersey. He was a great dancer (and cute!) but just up for the summer.
• Earth Wind & Fire's Reasons - Oh yeah, one of those long slow jams by one of the greatest bands of all time. Fine Phil Alloway was the lucky gentleman that got to dance with me. He was an Engineering student at RPI and we did end up dating until he was recruited by Proctor and Gamble and moved away. 
• Bohannon's Let's Start the Dance - Oh this song, and Henry Roberts. He became one of my favorite dance partners, and I had such a crush on him! But of course, he was in love with my frenemy's little straight-haired cousin. But she had her sights set on someone she deemed better. Who could have been better than Henry in 1978?? I loved that guy and all eyes were on us when we hit the dance floor. I held out hope for that guy, right up until I found out that he was married  and had a son. That put a speedy end to any thoughts I may have been secretly harboring: but we were still able to remain friends for several years. I wonder whatever happened to him? 

This is just the tip of the ice berg. I think I'll do this again real soon because during this pandemic we all need as many things to make us smile, as we can get!

By the way, here are a couple of quick updates:

• The woman who is in front of Planned Parenthood every day with her sign that reads "I regret my abortion", has a new friend. A gentleman has a sign that reads, "Choose life: your mother did"; and also the commandment "Thou shalt not kill". (see My Rant for Today)
• Whatever happened to my Pepperidge Farm Geneva cookies??? They were in the store earlier this year and now they're gone!! I can't find them anywhere! So of course I emailed the company to see why they were punishing me. They wrote back: "Thank you so much for contacting us. Our cookies are still available in your area." Then they listed two locations where the cookies were supposedly going to be. I went to the first one: NOPE! And the same with the second location which was around 10 miles away. So again: another favorite of mine bites the dust. 😞 (see Whatever Happened To...)