Don't Say That Word!

Is it just me, or are there certain words that you just don’t like to hear or say?  My family and friends think I’m nuts but I’m sorry, here’s my list of words I’d rather avoid:

Let’s start with the word nipple.  I didn’t even like typing the word!  I never say it: I’ll say something like, “I saw a guy at the beach and he had nice n-words.”  Yes my friends look at me strangely but they should be used to it by now.  Trust me: I never purposely try to bring it up in conversation!  The weird thing is, everyone has them, babies sometimes use them to get nourishment, but I want no parts of hearing it.  Well, except maybe for “pillow talk” and that’s a whole other subject!

The next word is magma.  Magma is what lava is called before it exits a volcano.  There’s just something about the way it feels in your mouth when you say it: magma, like you have a mouthful of mud or something. Yuck!

Moist is another word that works during “pillow talk”, but not in regular conversation.  It just sounds seamy and smarmy, regardless of what you’re talking about.  Plus it makes your lips assume a strange shape when you say it.

Her Majesty has her list of words she doesn’t like either; and at the top is the word suck.  She isn’t in situation where she engages in “pillow talk” so she doesn’t even have that as a saving grace.  She’s never been able to tell me why she hates the word: I’m just careful not to say it around her!  She also doesn’t like any type of foul language.  Not that she hears any from me, of course…

Brie doesn’t seem to have any words that bother her, but the cats do.  That word is “no”, because that means they can’t get in my lap, or get in the bathtub, or knock all of the Monopoly pieces on the floor when we’re trying to play a game.  They also object to certain tones of voice.  They love when we talk to them like they’re babies: “Oh loony-loony-loony, mom’s tootie-tootie-tootie!”  That has to be said in a high croon that if you used it in public, people would point and laugh.  But think about it: if I said that in a baritone, wouldn’t that be kind of scary?  They don’t like when you use a low tone or even your normal voice.

You know what I think?  They’re secretly laughing at me when I talk like someone demented!  I bet when I go to work, they prance around the house imitating me: “Luna, who am I?  Loony-loony-loony mom!”  Then they fall out and kick their little furry feet in the air while they laugh!  My cats are certainly rude enough to do that, and then greet me like they love me when I come home.  That settles it: I’m getting a kitty-cam!