"I Have Coupons"

It was late Sunday morning and I was sitting in church like the good Christian woman that I am. The hymns had been sung, the collection plates passed, the announcements announced and we were getting ready to pray before the sermon. I dutifully bowed my head, closed my eyes and prepared to commune with the Lord.

A moment or two later I felt something poke my left leg. I opened one eye, looked to my left and saw MARIE with her hand outstretched. "Look!" she stage-whispered, "I have coupons!"

"Put those away!" I hissed. "You're supposed to be talking to Jesus!" Dutifully she put the coupons back in her purse.

Seriously, what is wrong with my mother? That was her very unsubtle way of letting me know she wanted me to take her out to lunch after church. And judging by the coupons, she wanted either Red Lobster or Olive Garden. Would you like to know how she decided between the 2? She wanted bread sticks instead of biscuits!

In case you couldn't tell, my mother is a bit spoiled. And who spoiled her? Me!  I'm not even sure how it happened. Maybe it began as a joke, when after church if I had to stop at the store my mother would say, "If you see anything in there with my name on it get it for me." After awhile I started doing just that: picking out a couple of things I felt she would like and buying them for her.

So now she just expects it!  For instance: 2 weeks ago fresh blueberries were on sale at our local Hannaford for $2.00 a pint. So I bought her 4 pints on Sunday. "Oh thank you daughter; the Lord is really going to bless you one day." By Tuesday she had eaten all 4 pints. So on Wednesday I bought her 6 more!  "Oh daughter you're just so good to me!" I told her she'd better pace herself and not eat them up so fast. She promised she would put some in the freezer so she'd have some for later.

Then on Sunday evening my phone rang and it was her. "Daughter, I was just looking in the sale papers and Price Chopper has blueberries on sale for $1.99 a pint. Isn't that remarkable?"

"Marie, do you mean remarkable because they're a penny less than last week at Hannaford?"

"Oh I just wanted to tell you so you could get some for you.  Don't you love them? I do!"

"I know you do Marie. Did you eat all the ones I already bought?"

"No I washed them and sprinkled some Splenda on them and put them in the freezer," she said. "But just in case you wanted to get some for you..."

So you know what happened: I bought her 4 pints on Monday, another 4 on Wednesday and 5 on Saturday! And I told her that was it! She needed to put them in the freezer and not be so greedy.  "Daughter, I promise I will ration them out. And the Lord is really going to bless you one day."  "I know He will Marie."

So that's just the tip of the iceberg where spoiled Marie is. She likes the little things and I don't mind doing them for her. However, now she's set her sights on my beautiful blue recliner that I keep in my bedroom so no one else sits in it.  Lady: that's where I have to draw the line!