The New Me

I really liked the old me. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that you need to rethink who you are and what you do. My time is now.

I'm not changing a lot of things. Just things that I had a distorted view of, so to speak. Take my hair for instance. I've worn it semi-long for quite a while, because I thought it gave me a more youthful appearance. But with certain changes that have occurred in my life: I decided that it was time to go shorter. And by changes: I mean I came to terms with the fact that the longer hair kind of dragged my face down. Who wants that? So I gave my best friend Annette (a marvelous hairdresser, by the way!) free range to shorten it up. And she did! Now it's a cute curly bob with a touch of red in it. So now you can really see my face!

That wasn't the only thing I needed to change. According to Brie, I have body dysmorphia. I don't believe it's true, because I know exactly what I look like. I'm not happy with it, but it is what it is. I was buying clothes in my size but looser. You ladies know what I'm talking about! But Brie was fed up. "Look mother, there is nothing wrong with your figure! You look great for your age and you're not fooling anyone with those terrible jeggings and too-big tops! So get over yourself."

Well that was a bit harsh! But unfortunately she was right. The car accident we were in just over 2 years ago really knocked me off of my trajectory. I was unable to work out the way I used to. There's still some hurting stuff that will probably remain. So I'm not ever going to look like I did when I was dating Yanni Jr. But hey: I still have enough personality and heart to detract from any negatives. 

So what did I find the courage to do? I have finally started wearing the beautiful dresses I have bought, but wouldn't wear because I didn't want to showcase so much of my chocolatey goodness. And guess what? The villagers didn't chase me with torches. Little children didn't hide behind their parents. No one pointed and laughed. I looked like a woman who is able to dress appropriately in clothes that flatter, not hide. And if I have a feeling of insecurity: I fake it until I make it and you can't tell! 

That feeling is very liberating. Hey: I may not look like I did when I modeled in college, but I don't have to! I have finally grown up enough to accept that realization. Even though I can't work out the way I did before the accident, this body can still move. And sometimes look good doing it, haha.

I am embracing my new attitude and I am happier for it. Besides, Erma Bombeck famously wrote, and I'm paraphrasing: don't save your good stuff for that "special" occasion, because you might not live to see that day. So enjoy your good stuff now! And I will. I hope you will too!

Blocked by Elvis

Duran, not Presley. Here's how that came about.

Elvis Duran hosts a morning radio show called Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. I've listened to them for years and found them very entertaining, with my favorite cast member being Danielle Monaro. She's great! Anyway, I followed them on Twitter, and sometimes they would like my tweets or even respond. Nice!

Several years ago my friend Patty Mayonnaise (R.I.P. my friend) had a daughter who had somehow met one of the new young employees of the Elvis show, and they started dating. I remember how lucky I thought she was, as she would have access to the crew. It would be a blast to meet those people, but I wasn't dating any of them, haha. Anyway, things seemed to be going well for the young couple.

But as happens: they hit a bump in the road and were having a rocky time. Patty had told Brie (they worked together) and Brie mentioned it to me. I felt bad, so I sent a tweet to the Elvis show and only said, "I hope Jake and his girlfriend can work out their problems." Imagine my surprise when I got a direct message from Elvis Duran himself: "What do you know about Jake?" Thinking nothing of it, I said, "I know that he and his girl G are going through a rough patch right now." A few minutes later, another response: "We don't want news of this going out to the press." 

I thought he was kidding. I responded with, "I'm not the press." "Then how did you come across this information?" Well now things were getting interesting... "Someone relayed this to me." "WHO??" "I'm not giving out names." Another few minutes passed. "Oh, I see you're a blogger. Look: Jake is young and we protect our own. Who gave you this information?!" "Look, I only wanted to express my hope that they work out their problems. I wasn't looking to start anything. And I don't want the person who told me, to get into trouble. I'm sorry but I wouldn't go to the press with something like this." I mean really: Jake wasn't famous or anything, wasn't part of the actual crew, so I didn't know there'd be such a stink about it. Then came the kicker from Elvis: "You are going to be blocked on all of our sites." And he did block me!

I was nonplussed. Little old me, from a little town in upstate New York, had intimidated Elvis Duran to the point where he had to block me! I felt bad, but actually found it funny. I was happy for the acknowledgement that I was a blogger, and that he thought I had enough power to put Jake's business out in the entertainment streets. However, the reason why I didn't tell him it was Patty Mayonnaise was because I didn't want her daughter, or even Jake, to get mad at her for sharing that information.

 So there you have it: my story of how a famous person felt he had to block me. Elvis, if you're reading this, just know that I actually wasn't blocked. Maxxtopher was, but not Rita! I still had access to the show cast and the show itself. So the joke's on you! 

Fortune Favors...Me!

 Brie and I had to pick up Kitty from work, per usual. We got to TJ Maxx a little early, so I decided to go in and see if there was anything interesting in the specialty area of the store. You know: the area that has different edible goodies that you've never heard of but might like to try. I browsed a bit and saw a bag of dark chocolate covered pecans. Score! I went around the corner to see what else they might have. My eyes saw a small bag that said "Fortune Favors". Hmm...I wondered what that was?

I picked up the bag and it read, "Fortune Favors, Nuts * Enchanted". So far so good! There was a picture of big pecan, and written across it were the words *The Classic* Sweet & Salty Candied Pecans. Ooh, it was speaking my language! I absolutely love pecans, and sweet and salty immediately made me think of Kettle Korn. Yum! So I picked up that package and headed for the checkout.

When I got back to the car I showed Brie what I had bought. "What are these?" she asked. I said, "I think they must be like Kettle Korn. I'll let you know." I opened the bag, took out a couple of the WHOLE pecans and popped them in my mouth. As I chewed I thought: "I now know what happiness tastes like." They were amazing! As advertised: salty, sweet and candied, and the pecans were whole and big. Of course Brie had to ask to try them so reluctantly I let her. She felt the same way but I told her hands off, ha ha.  I knew that the next time Kitty worked I'd go in and buy more.

But alas: as with everything I like, when I went back they didn't have any! I scouted that area and other areas that sell snacks but there were none to be found. I even asked an employee and she said, "Yeah, that's not a regular item so with the specialty area we just take whatever is delivered". Boo to that!

So even though I was sad, I knew that someday, somehow, our paths would cross again.

The next day I googled them to see if they had a website and they did! I had to let them know how amazingly delicious their product was, and hopefully order some. I sent them an email; and imagine my surprise when they actually emailed me back a couple of hours later! That's great customer service; and they thanked me for enjoying them and letting them know. I also  found out that they are in the running for best artisan food in the Madison, Wisconsin area so I told them I would vote for them every day so they could keep their winning streak alive! They were so friendly and asked where I had found the pecans. I told them so maybe they will reach out and sell them at TJ Maxx in upstate New York.

I said I would be ordering their product soon and good luck to them in the contest. And this company was kind enough to actually send me a sample pack of their product! The Classic, the Everything (like the bagel) and the spicy. And it arrived on Valentine's Day! So Fortune Favors was definitely my Valentine this year! 😍

So do yourself a favor: go to their website, take a look, and order yourself the best pecans I've ever tasted. I guarantee you won't be sorry! I actually ordered the Employee Appreciation Day Bundle (for me!), and it will only take three business days to be delivered! I cannot wait!

Here is the link to their website: https://fortunefavorsnuts.com/

So what are you waiting for? Trust me: you won't be sorry.

Recreating Christmas

 Brie always prides herself on getting people the perfect gift for Christmas. Her ultimate goal is to make them cry at her thoughtfulness. One Christmas she achieved this effect with me: though not in the way she expected 

This happened maybe 4 or 5 years ago. Instead of telling you about it: you can watch it unfold. I had forgotten that I have a YouTube channel. So I posted the actual video up there. Go to YouTube and search maxxtopher. It's entitled "The Funnist Christmas Present". Kitty filmed it since we filmed each of us opening presents that year. We thought that would be fun since 2020 had been such a rough year.

Enjoy and laugh with me: not at me! Merry Christmas!

A Halloween Memory

 I was talking to a co-worker today about Halloween. We were reminiscing about what we used to do when we were kids, and this one popped into my head. I haven't thought about it in so many years! But here we go:

My best friend Emily and I were freshmen in Junior High. One day in school we got the bright idea to actually go out for Halloween. The plan was for her mother to drop her off at my house and then pick her up later, as it was a school night. Oh, what mischief we were going to make!

She got to my house, and we snuck two eggs out of the carton. We carefully put them in our jacket pockets and told my mother we were going to a friend's house and would be back by nine. Then we skedaddled out of the house for a night of mayhem!

Surprisingly, it was very quiet that night in my neighborhood. We walked around and only saw a very few kids trick or treating. What were we going to do with the eggs that were burning a hole in our pockets? No clue. 

So after walking around aimlessly, we decided that we were hungry and would go knock on a random door to see if we could get any candy. We approached a nice house, knocked, said, "Trick or treat!" and then I realized we were at Bobby K's house! (remember, my elementary school crush???) And of course, he was the one to open the door and laughed. "Nice costumes!" he joked. I was mortified! Emily said, "Are you going to give us a treat?" and being the nice guy he was, he gave us each a big candy bar. "Have a nice night girls!" he said as he closed the door, chuckling. Ugh! Emily giggled at my mortification. "I hope he doesn't mention this at school tomorrow!"

We finished our treats and then headed for the junior high. "This night is a bust!" I complained. "And now Bobby thinks we're lame!" "So what?" Emily replied. "It's not like he's still on your list. You like Tom, and I like Bill." This was so true. "How about we throw the eggs at the school and then head back to your house. It's getting cold!" Sounded good to me.

So we speed walked the rest of the way to the school and there was no one around. We started walking up the long, wide driveway when Emily stopped, fishing around in her pockets. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Look what I have in my pocket!" She pulled out a box of sidewalk chalk. "Okay..." I said. "Let's write something on the driveway!" "Like what?" I asked. "How about 'we love Tom and Bill'?" "Are you kidding? People will know!" "No one knows. Come on: it will be a great prank!" "Well," I began, "I guess the condensation overnight and the dew will get rid of the letters. Let's do it!" And we did. When we were done, to us the letters looked as large as the Nazca Lines of Peru. But I wasn't worried: that pink and purple chalk would be gone by the time we got to school the next day. Before we left, we lamely threw our eggs into the road and went back to my house.

The next day at school she and I were upstairs talking to a couple of friends before first bell when someone came running up to us. "Have you seen what's in the school bus driveway?" "No, what?" "Come look out the window!" We did, and low and behold: the condensation and dew had NOT erased what Em and I had written! Big giant letters spelled out "we love Tom and Bill!!" in bright purple and pink chalk. Emily's face turned beet red and thankfully no one could tell that I was scandalized too! Our friend Robbin said, "Who do you think did it?" Emily babbled something non-sensical while I kept my mouth shut. "Hey Em, don't you like Bill?" She giggled. "Um...but how would I have gotten here to do that?" "Huh, you're right!" Robbin said. "Wonder how long before it washes away?" I said, "Maybe the janitors will get rid of it today!"

Those words stayed on that pavement for at least a good week. And every day we were reminded of how lame we were. I think I'm going to text Emily later today to see if she remembers! Happy Halloween! 💀👻

You Had to be There

 When I first started this blog, I made mention of my friend Skye but then never followed up. I'm still not ready to tell the whole story. However, when Brie and I were driving to work one day this week she brought up an incident that had us laughing out loud. So here it is:

One day at work Skye approached me. "Hey, I'm having a birthday party this Saturday. You want to come?" I was shocked at the invitation but there was no way I was turning this down. "Sure, I'd love to come!" "Great! You can meet my new girlfriend." Me to myself UGH! But I'd already accepted and figured I could rope Brie into going with me. "Great!" He gave me directions and told me what time, said it was outside and at night there would be a big bonfire. Great...

So Saturday rolled around and I got a reluctant Brie to come. "I'm only going because it's a barbecue and I want a hot dog," she groused. "Yeah, yeah," I said. I wanted to meet his family and friends and hopefully show up the girlfriend.

It took longer than expected to get there because he lived in a relatively rural area that I wasn't familiar with. "Are you sure we're in the right area? This looks like klan country. " I laughed. "Stop it. Skye wouldn't have us out here in klan country! Just think about the grilled hot dogs!"

Presently we reached the correct address. I went to turn into the driveway. "OH snap!" Brie said. "It looks like a klan meeting!"

I parked, left the car running, and looked around as Brie locked the doors. The attendees, all white, sat in a circle on the lawn, staring at us. I did not see the birthday boy...

Suddenly, someone yanked on my locked door handle! We both screamed, but it was Skye and he was laughing. "Get out of the car!" "No!" Brie replied. I, on the other hand, was probably staring open-mouthed at a shirtless Skye. All abs and rib tattoos and JACKED. None of this had been displayed at work! So you know i unlocked my door for him to open it. Snap!

"Come On Brie," he said. "Let's get you ladies something to eat and you can meet my family." Sounded good to me! Right up until I saw the food display. Unwittingly, I had assumed it was a BBQ because it was outside. Nope! The covered hot tub was holding pizza, salad, veggies, chips: and he reverently showed us the blue bowl of watermelon. Now I'm sure he believed he was being respectful by including the "food of my people" but I didn't dare look at Brie. I don't even remember what we grabbed but as he was leading us to the circle Brie hissed, "Someone owes me a hotdog!"

Long story short: we were introduced to everyone Brie decided that his older sister was the grand wizard. There was a LOT of drinking that went on (not us!) The girlfriend was a wispy insecure thing, and it wasn't helped by Skye spending a lot of time kneeling by my chair talking to me. His mother loved me, which I appreciated but then again I am rather charming, ha ha. 

Then at sunset it was time for the big bonfire! We were a bit worried as pretty much everyone was drunk (not us!). But he and his nephew Joe (Brie's eye candy) did it up proper. It was a little disconcerting when they started dancing around it, but at least there wasn't any chanting or hoods! However, since it was dark and we figured it might be a 'sundown town' we decided to leave. Especially since there was no birthday cake!

We thanked them all for having us and bid them a good night. Skye walked us to the car and said, "It wasn't so bad, right?" I agreed and gave him a hug. Brie gave him a look and got in the car. He waved as we drove off and then Brie burst out laughing. "That bowl of watermelon!" she gasped. "Well Im sure he thought it was a nice gesture." "And the grand wizard sitting there in a wife beater and shorts! A bra would have been appreciated!" "Well Brie: it was family so thats what they're used to." "And the dancing: it was like something out of "The Lord of the Flies!" I couldn't help laughing at that one."Okay mom but promise me one thing: if you're ever invited to another of his parties I get to stay home!" "Okay." "And tomorrow you grill up some hot dogs. You owe me!"

Miss you Skye. And the food of my people! 😆

A Bad Trifecta

 Today is August 22, 2025. When I got to work yesterday, I was told that a good friend of mine had died the day before. His name was Bob, and he was a good man. We became friends when I started working at my second position at the school. He was down to earth, funny, had a good heart and a lovely family. After we became friends, I would always get him a lovely tin of Swiss Colony Milk Chocolate Covered Butter Toffee for Christmas. I knew that was his favorite candy. Every time I would give it to him he would say, "You didn't have to do this!" Nope: but I wanted to. He said that I was nice to the support staff that are generally overlooked. I told him no one gets overlooked on my watch! What hurts the most about his death is that he only just retired in April; and didn't have time to do all the things he wanted to do. I just hope he got a couple of things done before he got sick and went into the hospital. Rest in Paradise Bob: I will miss our chats.

Also yesterday, right after I heard about Bob, Brie IM'd me to say that her good friend Patty Mayonnaise (not her real last name) had died that morning! Patty had fought the good fight for 10 years but cancer finally got the upper hand. The amazing news was she felt well enough to go to the Goo Goo Dolls concert on July 30th. Sadly, afterwards she had in-home hospice and went peacefully, surrounded by her loving family. She was an amazing spitfire of a Colombian woman and she and Brie had bonded as soon as they met in a training class at our prior job. I knew she was "family" when we allowed her to join us on one of our Super Secret Saturdays in Albany. It was a great day and she didn't reveal to a soul all of what we do on those days. Rest in Paradise Patty: you will truly be missed.

Today, I was talking to my coworker Shane about candy. He mentioned how he likes Whoppers, and I told him that I love the dark chocolate malted milk balls from Joann's Candy store in Saratoga. I then went back to my desk and a few minutes later: Kitty texted me and said that Gene the owner died! He owned the candy store with his wife, and we had become friends over the years. We would talk about soul music and disco and clubs...and candy! He knew just what i liked. He was sad with me when he found out my sister died; and one day i went there when I was feeling lonely and his daughter talked with me for half an hour about Robin, as it was a slow day. What a kindness! She of course remembered her from our numerous visits; and she had wondered why she hadn't seen us in so long. Gene has a lovely family and I will go down to see them soon to extend my condolences: hopefully on a day his wife is there. Rest in Paradise Gene. You will be missed by this Disco diva.

So there you have it: a really crappy trifecta. My thoughts are with their respective families and loved ones. I am thankful that I have wonderful memories of the three of them.

"Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4 KJV