I really liked the old me. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that you need to rethink who you are and what you do. My time is now.
I'm not changing a lot of things. Just things that I had a distorted view of, so to speak. Take my hair for instance. I've worn it semi-long for quite a while, because I thought it gave me a more youthful appearance. But with certain changes that have occurred in my life: I decided that it was time to go shorter. And by changes: I mean I came to terms with the fact that the longer hair kind of dragged my face down. Who wants that? So I gave my best friend Annette (a marvelous hairdresser, by the way!) free range to shorten it up. And she did! Now it's a cute curly bob with a touch of red in it. So now you can really see my face!
That wasn't the only thing I needed to change. According to Brie, I have body dysmorphia. I don't believe it's true, because I know exactly what I look like. I'm not happy with it, but it is what it is. I was buying clothes in my size but looser. You ladies know what I'm talking about! But Brie was fed up. "Look mother, there is nothing wrong with your figure! You look great for your age and you're not fooling anyone with those terrible jeggings and too-big tops! So get over yourself."
Well that was a bit harsh! But unfortunately she was right. The car accident we were in just over 2 years ago really knocked me off of my trajectory. I was unable to work out the way I used to. There's still some hurting stuff that will probably remain. So I'm not ever going to look like I did when I was dating Yanni Jr. But hey: I still have enough personality and heart to detract from any negatives.
So what did I find the courage to do? I have finally started wearing the beautiful dresses I have bought, but wouldn't wear because I didn't want to showcase so much of my chocolatey goodness. And guess what? The villagers didn't chase me with torches. Little children didn't hide behind their parents. No one pointed and laughed. I looked like a woman who is able to dress appropriately in clothes that flatter, not hide. And if I have a feeling of insecurity: I fake it until I make it and you can't tell!
That feeling is very liberating. Hey: I may not look like I did when I modeled in college, but I don't have to! I have finally grown up enough to accept that realization. Even though I can't work out the way I did before the accident, this body can still move. And sometimes look good doing it, haha.
I am embracing my new attitude and I am happier for it. Besides, Erma Bombeck famously wrote, and I'm paraphrasing: don't save your good stuff for that "special" occasion, because you might not live to see that day. So enjoy your good stuff now! And I will. I hope you will too!
