I took my girls out to breakfast this morning (and they took me to the cleaners!) at my favorite place: The Peppermill. As we were being seated I noticed a couple of tables had been pushed together and a large party was sitting there. I didn't pay too much attention to them; but when we sat down Brie said, "That's 'Dre." "My cousin 'Dre?" I looked around. "No, my friend 'Dre."
I surreptitiously glanced over and sure enough: it was one of her best friends since middle school. "Well aren't you going to go say hi?" She sadly shook her head. "Why not?" "Because his wife doesn't let him talk to me."
I was startled for a minute. They had been friends for years, yet he wasn't allowed to talk to her?
I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised because I had been on both sides of that fence before. For some reason, there are people that are so insecure in their relationships that they feel if their spouse/significant other has a friend of the opposite sex, they're going to cheat. I say that if you don't trust your partner: don't be with them.
I have always had male friends. A contributing factor in this is that when I was in school, the boys weren't allowed to date me because I was a girl of color. So all we could be was friends. I got used to that type of relationship with guys.
When I married the "was-band", the first thing he did was make me get rid of my male friends: the ones I'd had for years because he didn't trust. And because I was, for the most part, afraid of him, I did. I felt terrible about it, but I was a wife and thought I had to do what he said.
When my brief marriage was over and I moved back home, I thought it would be easy to get my friends back but it wasn't. I had to work very hard to regain their friendship because they had been so hurt. It was at that point I decided that I would never let another person tell me who I could be friends with.
On the other end: my friend Skye, who I still haven't told you about, did that to me. We used to hang out a lot and I met a couple of his girlfriends. I was always my usual charming self and I felt that I got along well with the girlfriends. But we ended up going through a period of almost 3 years where we didn't speak: due to a misfired text.
When we finally started talking again, and then saw each other, he told me that none of his girlfriends had liked me. I was shocked at this. But the bottom line was: they didn't trust even though he and I have always just been friends, so they didn't want me around. But the joke's on them: they're gone and I'm still here! And Skye and I have decided that it hurts too much when we aren't in each other's lives, so our friendship will not be broken again.
When 'Dre and his family finished their breakfast they got up to leave. I noticed he kind of hung back and let the others leave first. Then he looked at us and smiled, said a little something quick to Brie and then left. Maybe that little something was all he felt he could do, after spending a good portion of breakfast time staring at Brie. Maybe he just wanted to let her know that in his heart they were still friends. And maybe someday he'll man up enough to be back in her life.
'Nuff said.
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