Poem Time!

Wishful Thinking

I stand in front of the mirror, watching a river of tears
Traverse the planes of my face:I feel I've been crying for years.
The sadness overwhelms me.  How did I get to this place?
I thought my life would be golden but now I have tears on my face.

Did I mean to kill you?  I really couldn't say.
Did I mean to kill you?  On this fateful day?

When I picked the pistol up I hadn't meant to start
Pulling the trigger that would put a bullet through your heart.
I couldn't take it anymore: the shouting and the pain.
Being beaten, ridiculed and locked out in the rain.

Did I mean to kill  you?  We wrestled with the gun.
Did I mean to kill you?  Apparently I won.

We can call it self-defense 'cause you were an abuser.
Looks like now the table's turned and honey: you're the loser.
I was just a frightened wife who tried to please her man.
But with your drugs and alcohol you didn't understand.

Did I mean to kill you?  I couldn't stand much more.
Did I mean to kill  you?  The cops are at the door.

Maybe I should let them in; it was in self-defense.
But sometimes they don't let you off; you must pay recompense.
Physically and mentally you threw your weight around.
You often said that you'd kill me but who's dead on the ground?

Did I mean to kill you?  I turn the gun on me.
Yes I meant to kill you.  Now finally: I'm free.

Another little glimpse into my past but as you can see: not 100% true.  However, the title is wishful thinking...except for the turning the gun on me part.