Standing Room Only

This happened several years ago. As you know, I really love my daughters.  But they are as different as night and day.  I wanted to do something special with each of them: give them a special day where they could have mom all to themselves.  Kitty chose an event that turned out to be a very simple undertaking: she wanted to see a musical.  As luck would have it, State Farm Activities was selling tickets to see Avenue Q at Proctor’s.  So I signed up, gave them a check, they had our tickets at the will-call window, we had a nice little lunch, and saw the show.  Simple; and fabulous! 

Ah, not quite so simple with my oldest, Her Royal Highness Princess Brie.  Since she had a birthday coming up, she decided that she wanted tickets to WWE Smackdown. 

Even though this may sound kind of bizarre, it really wasn’t.  And I now have a confession to make: my name is Rita Debnam and I am a wrestling groupie.  That’s right: once she moved back home, Brie turned me on to the soap opera that is the WWE.  I can tell you names, I can re-tell scenarios, I can name each wrestler’s signature move…well, the good-looking ones, anyway!  We watch Monday Night RAW and Friday Night Smackdown: and all the big shows like the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania, of course!  I’m not delusional enough to think it’s all real, but I have to admit that it is entertaining.

But back to my story: Smackdown hadn’t been to Glens Falls in almost 3 years; not that I would have wanted to go back then because I wasn’t watching it.  With it playing right in my backyard though: I was all over it!  I vowed to Brie that I would indeed get tickets for her and I; and they’d be front row tickets at that! 

That decision was made in December.  Since I am always trying to be mother of the year, I knew I would have to get up and be in line early to ensure our front row seats.  I was ready! 

Of course, I hadn’t anticipated that the day before the ticket sales my hot water pipe would freeze.  I also hadn’t known that the actual sale day would be the coldest Saturday since 1968 either!  But still I got up early, took the world’s fastest cold shower, brushed my teeth, dressed in sneakers, 2 pairs of socks, tights, jeans, a thermal, a hoodie, my long wool winter coat, chenille gloves, a bandanna and a wool cap, heated up my car and drove the short distance to the Glens Falls Civic Center.  I figured I would sit in my car with the heat on until I saw people get in line and then I’d run screaming for the ticket counter. 

Imagine my surprise when I got there, and saw no one in line.  Granted, it was only 7:22 (2.5 hours before the window would open), and yes it was 12 below, but still it’s Smackdown!  However, my Spidey senses were tingling so I got out of my car and went to the door.  I saw people inside so I went inside too.  I saw a friend of mine and she said they were letting people in to wait since it was so cold outside.  Hooray!  She pointed to where the others were, told me there were only a couple of people in line and wished me good luck with my front row endeavor. 

I went around the corner and couldn’t believe my luck: there were only 6 people in line ahead of me!  I was a shoo-in for front row!  So I took my place in line and commenced to waiting.  That was the good news.  The not so good news was the gentleman directly in front of me.

Let’s call him Mr. Jocularity.  He was with his son, who he kept calling “bud”.  And he talked.  And talked.  And talked.  Every few minutes he would announce the time and how many more minutes until the tickets went on sale.  The really bad news was it was immediately obvious to me that this man had just rolled out of bed, gotten dressed and brought his kid over to wait in line with him.  I’m sure I don’t have to paint you a picture, but all I kept thinking was, “Hmm, I don’t even have any hot water yet I managed to shower and especially brush my teeth!”  The fact that he kept going out for a smoke definitely didn’t help the situation at all!

However, even with the invisible cloud of funk hovering over the line, I stood my ground. This was too important to Brie for me to surrender to my olfactory senses. I just backed up the best I could and kept my face turned away. Seriously: the things I do for my kids! 

I was getting tired of standing but thankfully: they decided to open the window early since we were there early. Hooray! Thank you Civic Center! And yes: we got front row center 😀 I just hoped for one of two things: 1) Mr. Jocularity wouldn't be seated anywhere near us; or 2) he would shower and brush his teeth beforehand!

The Joke's on Me!

 If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know how much I dislike the Jardiance commercials. That poor woman being made to change into that bright yellow dress with the big flowers, the awkward fountain dancing: all to extol the virtues of a little pill with a big story to tell. Homegirl was in two commercials, and I knew a third one was coming...

It did: but now there was a different woman. This one was in an office setting, singing about the medication. The dancing was more sedate, but the commercial as a whole annoyed me as the office seemed a little incompetent. There was a man who couldn't figure out why the printer wasn't working: so the woman went to the wall and plugged it in. Success! Then lunch was delivered and she handed out the boxes: and then the employees had to exchange them because she had given each of them the wrong one. Seriously? Did she work for Dunder-Mifflin? Thankfully, the commercial comes to its anti-climactic conclusion with the dancing and "the little pill with the big story to tell" tagline. 

Just when you thought that was the end: it wasn't! Now we have something new: a man telling the story. He will bring the masculine energy to the commercial. Or will he? He is dancing and singing primarily in his yard and it seems to be a gardening / horticulture type atmosphere. Still singing and dancing but with plants involved. By this time I'm just over it, and I'm hoping Jardiance is too.

No they aren't! For the fifth commercial, we're back and this time with an older woman of color. She brings a more soulful R&B vibe to the commercial as she sings and dances her way through the grocery store with her family. It's the cleanest grocery store on Earth, and as she goes through departments the employees dance to her soulful and harmonious song. Seriously: just stop.

With that being said, I have certainly voiced my disdain for these commercials. And then the unthinkable happened...

All it took was a recent visit to my nephrologist, whom I love. He said he had to take me off of one medication, and the safest thing to replace it with was...JARDIANCE! Ahhhhhhh!!!! Say it ain't so!

That's right, the joke is on ME. Because of my vocal dislike: now I have to take it! Anyone who thinks that God doesn't have a sense of humor is mistaken. So when the sixth commercial comes around (and you know it will!) take a good look because the lady in it with the mad face will probably be me. 😠 

Make Me a Salad

 While doing another email sweep, I came across an email from 2018 that had a document attached. It turned out that it was the beginning of a blog post that I hadn't finished. So I just finished it to the best of my recollection!

One day after Kitty and I had our doctor appointments, we went food shopping. We had already ascertained that we wanted to improve our eating habits, so there was no time like the present. Especially for me, since according to Kitty I weighed somewhere between 338 - 558 pounds (so not true)! She wanted to add salad to her diet which I thought was a good idea. You can never have too many fresh vegetables!

At the supermarket we went to the produce aisle first, where she picked out what she wanted. In the interest of cost-saving measures (for me!), I asked her if she wanted the salad in a bag. "No, I like to pick out my own stuff," she said. Okay then!

As we made our way through the store, we reached the frozen food section. Ooh, my favorite ice cream was on sale! I started to get a quart of my Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge; then I noticed the disapproving look on Kitty's face. "What?" I said. "Mom, do you need that ice cream?" "Yes." "No you don't. Put it back." "Why?" "Because you weigh 338 pounds." "Kitty no I don't!" What was it going to take for her to realize that was not my weight she misread on my chart at the doctor's office? But I huffed and puffed and put it back.

Then: she put a pint of Ben & Jerry's in the cart! "What's up with that? We're supposed to be dieting!" "But I don't weigh as much as you so I can have it for a treat." I can't make this stuff up! And what prevented me from running her over with the cart, I'll never know 😠

When we got home and unpacked the groceries, Kitty noticed that I  had bought a package of ham cubes. "Why did you buy those?" she questioned. "To put in my Southwestern soup. I think it will be good." "You know, you can also put it in a salad to make a chef salad. Maybe I'll do that." "I thought you didn't like ham?" I questioned. "I'll just try it."

So I made my spicy soup with cheese and the ham cubes, but contrary to what I believed: the ham didn't work as well as chicken usually did. When I saw Kitty's salad creation it looked wonderful! She had lettuce, tomato, cucumber, chopped ham cubes, shredded cheese and hard-boiled egg topped with Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, the 'best salad dressing in the world'! "That looks really good honey. Can mom have a bite?" She hesitated, but then was kind enough to let me taste her salad. It was delicious! "Hmm, I'll have to have you make me a salad next time. It's very tasty!" She gave me a look but continued eating.

I knew exactly what that look meant. If I wanted a chef salad: mama would be making it herself! Sheesh: and after I bought all of her salad fixings for her! Well that's fine. Next time I go grocery shopping I'm buying my own salad stuff. AND my Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge ice cream! That'll show her 😁