I had to be at church early this past Sunday to set up for Communion. As I was getting things ready, my really good friend from church came in and asked if I needed any help. I didn't but I love her company so told her she could take care of the "body" while I took care of the "blood". But that isn't what this post is about.
As we were in the kitchen chatting, I mentioned how Kitty had lost over 70 pounds and kept it off. So we talked about how wonderful it was and how proud we both were of her. Then we transitioned to how we weren't that disciplined and our diet 'fails' over the years. I used to give up all the good stuff for Lent, to jumpstart my diet plan. But Lent is only for 40 days so after that: all bets were off! I liked to do Spin, which got my body into pretty good shape, until knee surgery and the surgeon said I could no long do Spin. But feel free to ride a bike sedately to preserve your knee! That didn't help. So this led me to laughingly tell her my latest ploy to look good.
You know how you get those emails that you don't remember signing up for? Well I had received an email from the women's friend: Shapermint! I perused their products and found one that I knew would do the trick! I was sure it would suck stuff in and then I'd have my hourglass figure. I'd seen the commercials! So I ordered one and waited for its arrival.
A week later: it was here! I had a particular ribbed dress I wanted to wear but didn't have the chutzpah to wear it. But with my new Shapermint: I was ready! The next morning I put on my lovely dress and then slid on the Shapermint garment underneath it.
Wait a minute: something wasn't right. I looked at the package, then looked at myself. Hey...this didn't suck anything in! All it did was make sure nothing jiggled. There was no hourglass figure. I'd been bamboozled!
I went and showed Brie. "Look! Nothing is sucked in!" "Well of course not! It's a firmer, not a 'make-it-disappear-er'!" "But how come the ladies in the commercials are all skinny after putting it on?" "Because it's TV." Ugh!
My friend was giggling. "I'm sorry Rita. It must have been so disappointing." I assured her it was, but I showed that Shapermint a thing or 2 and wore it anyway! Yes I was still the same size, but I felt better about life knowing that I looked firm, as Brie said.
And this reminded me of the time I had an evening wedding to go to, and wanted to look all seductive in the dress I was going to wear. So I asked my best friend at the time if I could borrow her Spanx, which she wore frequently and swore by. Thankfully she said yes! I took it home, and the day of the wedding I put on my lovely dress and then stepped into the Spanx.
That thing was tight. After a struggle, I got it up to my knees. It then refused to go up any further. I tugged and tugged. "Brie!" I yelled. She entered the room. "What are you doing?" "I can't get this stupid Spanx up any further." "Seriously mother?" She came over to assist, and suffice it to say in that tug of war: the Spanx won. I couldn't get that thing up any further than just over my knees. So we hauled it back off and I collapsed into a chair. "How in the world was she able to get this thing on?" I wondered. She was shorter than me, her legs were a little bigger (as were other things) yet she was able to wear it. So I just chalked it up to God wanting me to embrace my chocolatey goodness and went to the wedding without it!
We were now done with the setup and just laughed at my exploits. The things we women do to try to be svelte! At my age, I have learned to be thankful that I'm at least mostly healthy. Any flaw that anyone might think they see in me, I have earned through a life well-lived. As long as God sees me as beautiful: other opinions don't matter! Moral of the story: there are no shortcuts (at least to me) to getting the body you want. You have to put in the work. Which is why I'm at the gym 3 times a week 😏
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