Is This Weird?

All of my life people have told me that I have a weird way of eating. I have no idea why they would think that. I have always eaten the way I've eaten. But after a discussion with Brie earlier (I'm sure she is still laughing) I said, "I'm going to blog about this later, aren't I?" to which she replied, "You have to!" So here it is.

My first memory of "unusual" eating was probably when I was around four. Marie made me a sandwich and cut it diagonally. I picked up one half, started with a corner, and nibbled 4 times. Then I chewed what was in my mouth. I ate that sandwich corner by corner, nibbling four times each time. Was there relevance to the number four? Nope. Just the beginning of weird eating. My father said I ate like a rabbit. He was right! Anything hand-held got four nibbles at a time. Seriously.

Smarties were my favorite candy as a kid. So of course I had to separate them and eat them by color. Green ones, orangy ones, yellow ones, white ones, purple ones and saving the best: the pink ones, for last. Same with M&Ms: separated by brown ones, green ones, yellow ones, red ones and the favorite: blue. Life savers, sweet tarts, candy necklaces and the like were the same: segregated and eaten with their own kind!

Let's see if I can explain how I would eat my favorite childhood cookie: the Oreo. Try to stay with me. I was never one of those dunk it in milk kids. Oh no: I had an entire system. I would take the cookie and "unscrew" it. Then I would take my bottom teeth and lift up the creme and eat it. Then the cookie side that was left that might have a tiny spot of creme, I would put in my mouth smooth side down and suck on it until it was soft. Then I would chew it. The side that had no hint of creme I would then put in my mouth word side down, suck on that until it was soft and then chew it. (now we know why I'm the slowest eater in the world)

But what got Brie going today was how I eat my lunch salads from my work cafeteria. Due to covid (isn't everything?) the lettuce is already in the plastic containers so you just choose  your lettuce. I am a Spring Mix kind of gal. Then when they take off the lid to add whatever I wish to add, I have them take approximately 2/5 of the salad out and put it on the lid. Then I have them add turkey, ham, grilled chicken, corn, egg, shredded cheese and walnuts in the middle. Add some salad dressing (today it was Italian). Then I have Nicole put the rest of the lettuce on top and add some more salad dressing. This way I have to work to get to the good stuff so it's a nice surprise when I get there 😉 Yep: there is a method to my eating madness! Now when the ladies see me coming they know to automatically take out the Spring Mix container and remove the lid.

I could go on and on, and on but I think you get the drift. However, there is also the other end of the spectrum which is foods I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole as a kid. Like spaghetti because it looked suspect. Like cheez doodles because they looked like caterpillars. Like hot dogs because the ends looked suspect. Pork because I never thought it was cooked long enough and you know what happens if you eat improperly cooked pork. Corn on the cob because a cousin was shucking the corn and there was a bug in it. Rice because it looked suspect. Raisins because once I saw some that had been sitting too long and they started to move. I'm telling you I ate pretty much nothing and subsisted on air when I was a child. However, if you've seen me you know I eat more than air now! Yes I got over my weird childhood food phobias. But not exactly my food OCD behavior. Some still linger...but I'm not going to tell you which ones!

Westward Ho!

 

On Saturday Keith came over to hang out for a bit. I’m never quite sure how to entertain him because we’ve never been close, but I strive to be a good hostess. I asked him if he wanted to watch something on TV. I said, “I know you watch those channels way up on cable. What do you watch on Saturdays?” He answered, “Well they have a western channel that I think starts at around 2000.” I turned to channel 2000 and then starting clicking up. And sure enough: westerns were on a particular channel. And I mean the westerns of our childhood: Bonanza, Rifleman, Gunsmoke and the like.

But what western was on at that time? Wagon Train! I started to laugh. He asked, “What’s so funny?” I said, “Do you remember when you, me and Carl were kids and we’d play Wagon Train? You and Carl got to sit on the foot boards with blankets over them like they were horses and ride, while I had to sit on the bed inside the wagon because I was a girl.” Oh how he laughed at that. “I remember!” he said. “And he and I had toy guns to protect the wagons.” Yes but I never got to have a gun or ride a foot-board horse. Apparently I wasn’t Annie Oakley!

This started a little flood of memories, but I had to ask him one question. “Do you remember our neighbor Kimberly and how she always wanted to play “Uncle Jeff and Uncle Stoney? Why were you Uncle Stoney?” He laughed again. “Stoney Burke was my favorite western character when I was a kid. He was in the rodeo.” Well of course he was!

We talked about some of the other shows, and how he always called home the Ponderosa, after the Bonanza spread. Brie popped in with, “I always wondered where that came from!”

He left after about an hour, and Brie and I went to lunch. While waiting for our food I had her laughing as I told her more about the “games” we used to play. “So my brothers always got to ride the horses while I had to sit in the ‘wagon’ with this blanket wrapped around my head like the virgin Mary about to give birth, holding this baby doll. Women folk never got to ride the horses!” I was very indignant as it all came back. “And when they were playing Uncle Jeff and Uncle Stoney, they wouldn’t let me on the swing set because they were ‘traveling’. Why couldn’t I swing on the regular swing? I didn’t want to be in the 4-seater with weird Kimberly and them.”

Brie was still giggling at the vision of me as the Virgin Mary. “I’m sure as the older brothers they felt they knew best when it came to your games, and lorded it over you.”

“That’s okay, I got back at them.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, one day we were in the bedroom and the boys were playing keep away with my doll. I finally managed to get my hand on the doll but it bounced off my hand and broke the bedroom window. I was terrified! So I told Keith and Carl that I would use magic to conjure up for them Mighty Mo army tanks if they wouldn’t tell mom and dad. They may have been wagon masters, but they weren’t brain trusts because they believed me. Then I went downstairs and told the parents that they broke the window so they’d get in trouble instead of me. And they did!”

Brie burst out laughing and so did I. That would teach them not to put baby in a corner, or Rita in the wagon!