Dating Ain't Easy!

It isn’t easy dating here in the North Country: especially when according to statistics, I have a better chance of being hijacked by terrorists than getting married. Yet still my friends and I persist in playing the dating game, or romance Russian roulette as we’re more fond of calling it.

Since it seems like most of the men we come across are looking for arm candy, video vamps, one night stands or sugar mommies, sometimes you have to explore other options. Perhaps there is a situation that at first glance seems ordinary. With a little imaginative tweaking, said situation could be turned into an opportunity. Let’s take this a little further:

Usually when you go on a date you go to dinner, or a movie, bowling or for drinks. More times than not, there’s no one on the horizon to enjoy these activities with you and you’ve hit a dry spell. What’s a girl to do? You make the best of a situation that, even though it doesn’t look like a conventional night out, can keep you in practice until your next Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now!) comes along.

Let’s say you have to go to the grocery store because the only thing in your fridge is a box of baking soda and the light bulb. So you take off your sweats, put on a pair of jeans and a little lipstick and drive to the store. Once there you get your basket or cart and scope out the area: not only getting your items but seeing what potential single men might be shopping. Yes, this might seem a little lame, but if you time it right you can get to the store while they’re offering free samples to taste and it will seem like a cocktail party! Time your arrival at the tasting station to coincide with the cute guy you’ve been discreetly following so you can discuss what you’re eating. Hey, they only give you bite-sized samples anyway: like appetizers, so it’s not that much of a stretch. And who knows? Maybe you can work into your little conversation an actual place you know that has better food, and can finagle a dinner invitation!

Or here’s one for the slightly “saucier” woman, and you don’t need too much imagination for this one. Every woman has her “yearly” that she really looks forward to, ha ha. I don’t know about other ob/g’s, but mine has an actual cloth smock (not paper) for you to get dressed in and a piece of candy that you can munch on while he does what he needs to do. If you look at this the right way, it’s exactly like an expensive date. The guy gives you a new outfit, gives you chocolate, then you let him get to third base!

I don’t know about you, but it certainly sounds like a date to me! I mean, like dates I’ve read about…mom, you’re not reading this, are you?

50 Shades of Vampires

When I was in junior high or high school, I used to read Jackie Collins, Sidney Sheldon and Harold Robbins.  Ooh, such juicy reading!  My friends and I used to trade the books back and forth and whisper and giggle over the sexual parts.  That was until I came across a particular book by Harold Robbins entitled "Goodbye Janette".  I had devoured all of his decadent novels up to that point (as did most of my friends at that time), but this one just went so far over the edge that even though I finished it, I couldn't bring myself to read any more of his books.

So I did a one-eighty, and started reading the chaste Harlequin romances, the ones where the kisses are "chaste" and make the woman's heart "hurry a little".  As you can imagine, this would have been great had I been born in the 19th century.  So I moved on to the likes of Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, which I enjoyed.  But then they became very formulaic, especially Ms. Steele, so I was cast adrift once again.

I finally tried the Harlequin series once again, but this time it was the SuperRomance line and the Silhouette Special Edition line.  Eureka!  I had found a balance between sex and romance!  I was so happy about this, that I began writing romances of my own as well as still working on my teen romances. 

Imagine how happy I was when I started publishing my romances on Nook and Kindle.  Finally: I was a published author!  I knew I'd be successful because who could resist a nice little romance with a hint of spice?  Apparently a LOT of people could, and you want to know why?  Because all of a sudden the big rage was a little something called "50 Shades of Gray".

Lord knows I'm not trying to give that book any more publicity, but it has blown up like Mentos in diet coke.  Even Brie bought the books on her phone, and hasn't bought any of mine yet!!  I know it's the height of naughtiness with S&M and all kinds of sexual kink in it, and someone like the New York Post dubbed it "mommy porn".  However, I know I'll never read that book because it's waaayy too much for me.  Yet that author is making money hand over fist (no pun intended!) and I'm not.  Is that really all people want these days: raw sex that people try to say is a "love story"? 

If so, I'll just have to stick with my romances.  You have to leave something to the imagination, don't you?  However, if I ever do decide to lay it all out there, I'll write a novel that joins the two leading genres: sex and the undead.  So if you come across an e-book entitled "50 Shades of Vampires", make sure you buy it!  It'll be a satirical look at what people are filling their reading hours with, complete with sex scenes (yikes!)! After all, I have to do something to shake my sales up a bit.

Happy reading!  And by that I mean "Dancing In A Minefield", Southern Hospitality", "Three's The Charm" and "A Good Place to Start! 😉

Still Saying the Darndest Things!

This is going to be a quick one, because it was pretty succinct and to the point.  And judging by the title, I'm sure you can imagine that it's something Kitty said.

I went out to the mailbox to get the mail one day after work.  There was a boatload of catalogues: Woman Within, LL Bean, Carol Wright, Ginny's: so I brought them all in and put them on the table.  Then I went into the living room to watch my DVR'd soap.

Brie was in the kitchen with her sister, and I imagine that they each picked up a catalogue to leaf through.  After a few minutes, Kitty comes into the living room and stops by my chair.  I didn't look up because Brooke was confronting Liam about his relationship with Hope.  Then Kitty spoke up: "Mom, would you like to have one of these?" She thrust the catalogue under my nose and was pointing to a large, clear, pink vibrator!

"No I most certainly do not want one of those!" I sputtered, wondering what in the world kind of catalogue had come to my house.

"But why not mom?  Don't you want to feel -" and here she stage whispered - "pleasure????"

"No Kitty I don't!"

Of course by this time Brie had fallen out of her chair laughing.  Thanks!  Kitty went back into the kitchen shaking her head.  "I'll just leave the catalogue up here for you mom in case you change your mind."

Seriously: what was going on, or rather not going on in my life, that Kitty thought her mother needed one of those?  I think I'd better start censoring the catalogues that I bring into the house!