Hearts of Space

On Sunday nights I listen to a radio program called "Music From the Hearts of Space". I've been listening to this since the mid-eighties, when I first stumbled upon it by accident. However, I was hooked from the beginning! It comes on twice: different stations back to back from 10p - 12a. There is a website where you can listen: and also become a paid subscriber for the full benefits of the website. I haven't done that yet. 

Anyhoo, Hearts of Space is ambient music, or as Clancy calls it 'underwater fish music'. "Ambient music is a genre of music that emphasizes tone and atmosphere over traditional musical structure or rhythm." I believe it was created by Brian Eno (feel free to google him). It's very peaceful and soothing, although sometimes it can be too spacy and a little frightening (or maybe it's just me!). Regardless, I really enjoy it.

The advantage of it being on twice was so if I really liked the episode I could record it (that's right: on my boom box's cassette recorder!) so I could hear it over and over. The two episodes that I enjoyed the most back then were "Space Guitar" and "When Rock Meets Space".

Normally you wouldn't consider rock music as ambient, but the song that stands out the most is "Roads" by Portishead. They are a group that was an offshoot of the band Radiohead. Neither of  these bands were ever on my radar until I heard this song on Hearts of Space. And it fit the criteria: spacy, ethereal and otherworldly. Loved it!

As for the "Space Guitar" episode: it encompassed guitar players that you wouldn't imagine in this genre, such as Hoyt Axton. I was amazed when I heard this; and was heartbroken when I lost the cassette tape during a move. Well: if I pay for a subscription I can listen to it all I want in their archives! Side note: one year the only thing I asked for, for my birthday, was a subscription for Hearts of Space. I didn't get it 😕

I have been introduced to musicians and artists that I never would have come across. And with the Shazam app I can find out who the artists are in order to  purchase their music or a particular song. That is how I discovered Max Richter. His jam is contemporary classical and he plays the piano, organ and synthesizer. His music is mostly used in movies, but he is also a recording artist who has sold over a million albums and has surpassed one billion streams. Kudos to you Mr. Richter!

The song that had me riveted one recent night is called "Mercy" and is just piano and violin. It is ethereal and absolutely beautiful: so haunting and sad, yet also evoking a yearning for something that you don't even recognize. Yeah...it hits you where you live; and leaves you a little bit breathless.

That's what is on my mind today: that indescribable something that is just out of reach. But someday...I know it will be within my grasp. And when I reach it, I will hold on with both hands for as long as God allows me.

Thank you for reading.  👫

It Can't Just Be Me

Like most women, I get a lot of emails from my favorite retailers. I'm not a shopaholic by any means, but I do enjoy looking! Sometimes I even put stuff in my "cart" to wait for later, when there's a good sale going on. Sure this is like Russian roulette because stuff could sell out before the sale, but it's the chance you take.

Now that warm weather is imminent (not this week though!) I've become more cognizant of a real trend with some women retailers where dresses are concerned. I'm sure you've noticed it too. It seems like they are telling their designers to do whatever they can to really emphasize the plus-size shape. Is it because they want to make sure people see them coming? Is it because they don't want the women to feel good about themselves? Or is it because they want them to seem devil-may-care and breezy and loud and proud about themselves?

Here's what I mean: if you are a double-digit size, why are they trying to sell you dresses that have a belt around the waist that is placed right above your stomach and below your boobs? That isn't comfortable, and can give you an expectant mother look. Fit and flare: you have the flare part right but it looks wrong! Or: why are there big splashy flowers, a la Claude Monet, all over your dress so you appear to be the size of a small garden? That isn't subtle. What's with the ruching? You know: where one side is gathered or pleated, creating a textured or folded look that adds more emphasis to your already generous waist and hip area? That isn't attractive. Or like me: why do the pants and shorts have a drawstring waist when I'm not even sure where my waist actually is? That isn't helpful at all. 

We larger ladies want to have attractive clothes too! Plus-size fashion is a big moneymaker and if you put the same attention into our clothes: you can break the bank. However: don't make us have to break our banks by then jacking up the prices because you need to add a little more fabric. Trust me: the volume of nice-looking clothes sold will more than make up for it. Give us the great-looking styles and patterns that our little sisters get! 

Ladies, I will tell you who has realized this: Loft. Their prints are geometric, delicate, and tasteful. They specialize in shift dresses, which fit straight and relaxed. I have a closetful of these and they are very flattering by not hugging anything you don't want emphasized. Monochromatic is a good slenderizing look. Loft runs great sales, and the prices are the same whether tiny or plus!

Old Navy is another dress winner. Accentuating the positive, and with nice prints at some really great prices.  And now that they have an "Occasion" line, you can even get formal / wedding guest dresses at a fair price: small or large! I have a closet full of their dresses too. But stay away from the baby-doll ones: these are a fail in the larger sizes.

Runner-up goes to Maurices which also has a plus section. Just be wary of the elasticized waists which could hit in a wrong spot, or ride up. On the plus side: a lot of their dresses have pockets. Win!

The extra good news for me where these stores are concerned is once you've been to the store to try on, and now know your size, you can confidently order online without fear of a bad fit.  Another win!

So there's your food for thought for today. Hopefully the weather here will warm up again soon so I can wear my dresses!

A Pretzel Memory

 Usually I like to have a nice beverage in the morning as I start my workday. This means I go to either Dunkies or Starbucks. I'm feeling a little under the weather this morning, so I decided to go to Starbucks to see if they had English Breakfast tea, which I really like. And they did! So I ordered a medium and was on my way. I got to work and wow: their English Breakfast tea is terrible. Not like my Twining's, which I have at home and a couple of bags here at work. Ugh.  But I will power through! Thankfully I have some Dot's seasoned pretzels with me. In case you haven't tried them yet: they are AMAZING! No wonder the guy in the commercial orders a truckload!

So as I am drinking the terrible tea with the delicious pretzels, it took me back to when I was a kid in elementary school. As you already know, I was a strange kid but had a lot of compassion. Sometimes when I would go to a friend's house, they would be going to visit elderly relatives so I would go with them. I didn't mind. These were new people to me and I didn't mind listening to their stories and such. And they didn't seem to find it at all strange that a little brown girl was with their family. Oh, the olden days!

My best friend at the time was Susie Nolan, who lived around the corner from me. I would go with her to visit her two aunts, who were maybe 3 blocks away so we could walk or ride our bikes. The ladies had this big blue house filled with antiques and knick knacks. And maybe it smelled a bit like a museum but they let us play with the knick knacks and at the end of the visit they always gave us two quarters to go to Stewart's. We loved that!

Now to the crux of the memory. Susie's parents had a friend who lived a block or two away from them named Mrs. Hazelton. Sometimes we would visit her. She would always make us a cup of hot tea, and give us pretzel rods to go with it. It was the first time I had been introduced to pretzel rods, and I thought they were great! Sometimes in the summer I would go over without Susie, and we still would have a hot cup of tea and pretzel rods. 

I really miss those days of such simple pleasures. I don't eat pretzel rods anymore, but I still enjoy hot tea. When Marie was in rehab and later the nursing home: I would also visit other elderly patients there. Sometimes old habits die hard! And I don't regret a single minute. 

And just for the record: I miss the twenty-five cent ice cream cones from Stewart's too! But not as much as I miss Susie. We caught up on Facebook messenger when her brother Jack died a few years ago. That was heartbreaking, but it was good she is doing well.

Have a good Monday!

Is It Real?

When I was growing up, there was this great little store called the Main Street Grocery. As the name suggests, it was on Main Street, they did sell a few grocery items but mainly it was a convenience store, conveniently located by a school bus stop, that sold a lot of great candy, ice cream treats and different newspapers. You know the type: the local paper but also the National Enquirer, Globe, World News and the like. The store was only two blocks from our house so I was allowed to walk there.

But that isn't what this post is about.

One summer day I was heading to a friend's house who lived one street over from the store. As I walked past I looked at the 'porch' that had the newspaper racks, and a picture caught my eye: even from that distance. I walked up the steps and stood in front of the rack with the World News tabloid. Riveted, I stared at that picture and then read the headline: "Is This the Face of Jesus?" Yep: it was my first time seeing a photo of the negative of the Shroud of Turin.

For those of you who may not know: the shroud is purportedly the burial cloth of Jesus. The shroud's documented history dates back to 1354 where it began to be exhibited in a church in north-central France. However, there is no record of how famed knight Geoffroi de Charney came to possess the shroud. It has had a few other religious homes since then; and of course people believe that at one point the Templar Knights had possession of it. 

It has been claimed a forgery, yet it can't be disproved. It has been dated back to the time of Christ. The bloodstains line up with a person who has been crucified, right down to the bloodstains on the forehead from the crown of thorns. The nail wounds line up. The hole in his side lines up with where the soldier pierced his side. There are lacerations like the person had been flogged. And since the cloth is like 14 feet long and was folded over the body, you have the front side and the back side. Scientists have not been able to replicate this kind of image regardless of the methods they have tried. Some believed it was a clever case of someone painting the cloth: but it has been proved that it isn't paint. It is blood. 

Sometimes it just boils down to faith. In 1898 an amateur photographer (who was also a lawyer) was given permission to photograph the shroud. He developed the negative and to his surprise: found that the negative image showed a positive image of a man, which he hadn't expected. He thought the picture would be like the faint one on the fabric. So the image on the cloth was like a photographic negative, which showed all the details, including the wounds which were like the ones inflicted on Jesus. 

Scientists have even tried to replicate how, or what kind of "flash", could have produced that image on the cloth. They haven't been able to yet. It would have taken one heck of a source to do that. So...could that source have been Jesus being resurrected? Now that would be a power source of the greatest magnitude! 

Every year during Easter week I watch every show I can find on this topic because I find it so fascinating. I never get tired of it. In my human-ness: yes, I believe it is real. I believe that God sends us signs that what is in the Bible is true. Since Jesus walked among us, I believe that He left an imprint so those of us that weren't there, could see what he looked like and what he suffered for us. And as that young girl looking at that picture on the porch of the Main Street Grocery: I could feel it. And I still do.

Please feel free to do your own research and draw your own conclusions. I just wanted to share a brief overview as we head towards Easter. And just in case, somehow, you've never seen the images, here they are so you can maybe judge for yourself.

Face: 

Shroud:

25 Realizations

I just never know what I will find when I clean out my email! Yes, this is an arduous job but someone has to do it. This is from 2008. What would I have done without my friend Amy T to alleviate boredom at work? Love you AT! Thankfully, the unhappiness isn't true.

From:   Amy Tierney 

Sent:   Tuesday, July 08, 2008 11:23 AM

Subject:        RE: FW: Twenty-five realizations

NO need to reply if too busy…just some morning entertainment.

-at

-----------------------------------
1. I've come to realize that my boobs..  do not have the ability to defy gravity.  Oh well; there are worse things in life!

2. I've come to realize that my job… Is not my life

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving… Music is very important; but sometimes silence is truly golden

4. I've come to realize that I need… to get over myself more often!

5. I've come to realize that I'm losing…  my love for Harlequin Romances!

6. I've come to realize that I hate…  feeling like a failure

7. I've come to realize that if  I'm drunk… I must be dreaming because I don't drink!

8. I've come to realize that money… or the lack thereof can make you do things you aren't proud of

9. I've come to realize that certain people....  won't love you no matter what you do

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be.... Insecure in many ways

11. I've come to realize that I'll never be... skinny again but I'm still a MILF!

12. I've come to realize that my mom.... is very lonely and vulnerable without my father.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone … has the best ringtone EVER!

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning....I was already unhappy.

15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about.... Finishing writing my next book and getting published

16. I've come to realize that my dad… had his own secrets.

17. I've come to realize that today … I am lucky to have wonderful daughters, good friends, and hope...

18. I've come to realize that tonight…I will be able to pay a couple of bills!

19. I've come to realize that tomorrow … Holds options and promise

20. I've come to realize that I really want to… fall in love and have the right person in love with me, marry again and GET PUBLISHED!

21. I've come to realize that life…shouldn't be wasted…lived to the fullest, and is completely too short.  Savor each moment…each tear, each laugh, each struggle and joy.  They are all part of what makes this time so special.  (couldn't add to this Amy!)

22. I've come to realize that this weekend… Will be too short…but hopefully full of fun and laughter (especially if Brie does the "happy parade"!)

23. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset is…  religious music or "The Way I Are" by Timbaland!

24. I've come to realize that it's ok to… show vulnerability.

25. I've come to realize that this year… still has a chance of being great!

Out With The Old

 Man, when I clean out my email I never know what I will find. This time I found a speech I gave back in 2008. A couple of the things in it: I don't even remember! But I will share it with you now, in its entirety with no changes. Thank you for reading it!

CTM Speech

“Out With the Old”

Vocal Variety

12/31/08

I don’t know about the rest of you, but for the most part 2008 has been a bad year. I think it was even worse than the year my father died; and that’s saying a lot! So I will be very glad to bid adieu to this year.

Let’s do an honest recap of Rita’s year. I missed quite a bit of work. I was out for 2 weeks in January because of my back. After returning to work, I was out for an additional 2 days when I fell in my parking area at home and bruised my elbow and bounced my head off of my car. But that’s not all! I was out for another week and a half because I got the flu, which I hadn’t had since 1982. The good news about that was I only had the chills, a very high fever, body aches, sore throat and muscle aches. The bad news was: 3 weeks later I was out for another 6 days with the flu part 2! This included what I had missed with part 1, which was the happy go pukies and happy go something else I won’t mention in polite company! I thought I was done at that point: but hadn’t figured that I would sustain quite a bit of physical damage when I moved in September, so there went another 8 days State Farm won’t get back! I managed to bruise a rib, injure my right knee, overstrain my neck, shoulder and back; and was unable to exercise. I guess that explains why my “thinness” looks the way it does now...

In 2008, I lost several friends. Johnny died first at the end of March. Boy do I miss him! I was in Illinois on business when I received the phone call from his best friend; and at that time you couldn’t get a flight out of O’Hare for love nor money so I missed his funeral. Next was Harry, a guy I had gone to school with and was one of my brother’s best friends. Less than 2 weeks later, during the same month of May, Jimmy died. I had known him since junior high; and he was the one who used to drive me to the “club” when I was 16! Two weeks after that: I received a phone call that Dan had killed himself. That one hurt a lot; we had dated off and on for about a year and although he had spoken of suicide, I honestly thought that he was getting better. Jim died over the summer and by that time I was like “enough already!”. Thankfully, the rest of my male friends have remained alive.

The place where we were living had become untenable; and was truly sucking the life out of us. Between the drug dealer upstairs, his cousin making meth in the basement, people knocking on our doors thinking we were the sellers, the ceilings leaking courtesy of the upstairs neighbors: life in Glens Falls turned into a nightmare. I spent a lot of time wondering how I had gotten to such a place in my life; and was wondering when it was going to get better.

And then: there’s the return of Gabriella. Or rather, the second coming of Gabriella. She moved back home for good in January, then went back to Washington in April. Then she came back once again in June; and the rest is history. If you don’t believe me: just go upstairs. She’s sitting right in Auto in the mail unit! 

And hard as it might be to believe: I even fell in love in 2008. Of course, the person doesn’t know it, which makes it kind of hard. But trust me: if he ever gets wind of my feelings he’ll be a very happy man. That is, if he can get out of his own way and open up to the idea of a relationship again; because he’s had a tough year too.

So now here we are on the cusp of 2009. It’s time to clean house. I’m not planning on bringing any of my previous “bad” stuff into the New Year. For instance, all of my male friends are in good health, so I’m optimistic that they’ll stay that way. We moved in September to a wonderful new residence, so no more potential for the house to blow up or to view a drug deal gone bad. My doctor has released me to go back to exercising (and not a moment too soon!) so I should be back to my original fighting form within a few months. My health is good and God willing I won’t be injuring my back again. And since I have a big-girl bed as opposed to the twin I had for over 7 years: I should be sleeping like a baby on a cloud now that the other stuff is taken care of.

As for the object of my affections: I think we’re going to have a talk in the New Year, and see how that goes. We already spend time together and we’ve been friends for quite awhile. And before you start speculating: no, it isn’t a fellow ‘farmer!’

If 2008 taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to waste time. For the new year, if I want to do something: I’m going to do it. If I want to express an opinion: I’m going to say it. If I want to say no: I’m going to say it! I’m not going to worry about what others think about me. I’m going to embrace who I am and love me more than I have in the past. It’s about time!

If I were the type to still make resolutions, I guess they would go something like this:

 Be fit

 Be healthy

 Be happy

 Be published

Now that isn’t a lot to ask for, is it? I’m looking forward to a new year with hope and optimism. I hope you are too.

Standing Room Only

This happened several years ago. As you know, I really love my daughters.  But they are as different as night and day.  I wanted to do something special with each of them: give them a special day where they could have mom all to themselves.  Kitty chose an event that turned out to be a very simple undertaking: she wanted to see a musical.  As luck would have it, State Farm Activities was selling tickets to see Avenue Q at Proctor’s.  So I signed up, gave them a check, they had our tickets at the will-call window, we had a nice little lunch, and saw the show.  Simple; and fabulous! 

Ah, not quite so simple with my oldest, Her Royal Highness Princess Brie.  Since she had a birthday coming up, she decided that she wanted tickets to WWE Smackdown. 

Even though this may sound kind of bizarre, it really wasn’t.  And I now have a confession to make: my name is Rita Debnam and I am a wrestling groupie.  That’s right: once she moved back home, Brie turned me on to the soap opera that is the WWE.  I can tell you names, I can re-tell scenarios, I can name each wrestler’s signature move…well, the good-looking ones, anyway!  We watch Monday Night RAW and Friday Night Smackdown: and all the big shows like the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania, of course!  I’m not delusional enough to think it’s all real, but I have to admit that it is entertaining.

But back to my story: Smackdown hadn’t been to Glens Falls in almost 3 years; not that I would have wanted to go back then because I wasn’t watching it.  With it playing right in my backyard though: I was all over it!  I vowed to Brie that I would indeed get tickets for her and I; and they’d be front row tickets at that! 

That decision was made in December.  Since I am always trying to be mother of the year, I knew I would have to get up and be in line early to ensure our front row seats.  I was ready! 

Of course, I hadn’t anticipated that the day before the ticket sales my hot water pipe would freeze.  I also hadn’t known that the actual sale day would be the coldest Saturday since 1968 either!  But still I got up early, took the world’s fastest cold shower, brushed my teeth, dressed in sneakers, 2 pairs of socks, tights, jeans, a thermal, a hoodie, my long wool winter coat, chenille gloves, a bandanna and a wool cap, heated up my car and drove the short distance to the Glens Falls Civic Center.  I figured I would sit in my car with the heat on until I saw people get in line and then I’d run screaming for the ticket counter. 

Imagine my surprise when I got there, and saw no one in line.  Granted, it was only 7:22 (2.5 hours before the window would open), and yes it was 12 below, but still it’s Smackdown!  However, my Spidey senses were tingling so I got out of my car and went to the door.  I saw people inside so I went inside too.  I saw a friend of mine and she said they were letting people in to wait since it was so cold outside.  Hooray!  She pointed to where the others were, told me there were only a couple of people in line and wished me good luck with my front row endeavor. 

I went around the corner and couldn’t believe my luck: there were only 6 people in line ahead of me!  I was a shoo-in for front row!  So I took my place in line and commenced to waiting.  That was the good news.  The not so good news was the gentleman directly in front of me.

Let’s call him Mr. Jocularity.  He was with his son, who he kept calling “bud”.  And he talked.  And talked.  And talked.  Every few minutes he would announce the time and how many more minutes until the tickets went on sale.  The really bad news was it was immediately obvious to me that this man had just rolled out of bed, gotten dressed and brought his kid over to wait in line with him.  I’m sure I don’t have to paint you a picture, but all I kept thinking was, “Hmm, I don’t even have any hot water yet I managed to shower and especially brush my teeth!”  The fact that he kept going out for a smoke definitely didn’t help the situation at all!

However, even with the invisible cloud of funk hovering over the line, I stood my ground. This was too important to Brie for me to surrender to my olfactory senses. I just backed up the best I could and kept my face turned away. Seriously: the things I do for my kids! 

I was getting tired of standing but thankfully: they decided to open the window early since we were there early. Hooray! Thank you Civic Center! And yes: we got front row center 😀 I just hoped for one of two things: 1) Mr. Jocularity wouldn't be seated anywhere near us; or 2) he would shower and brush his teeth beforehand!