Behind the Music: He Hit Me (And it Felt Like a Kiss)

 I was minding my own business, reading an online article in Rolling Stone. It was a list of the 50 best SNL music performances.  Number 29 on the list was a song called 'Violet' by Hole from around 1994. My daughters and sister really liked Courtney Love's music, while I wasn't a fan. Anyway, I'm reading the blurb about the performance and it ends with this sentence: "Ever the provocateur, she capped off Hole's performance of a song about sex and power and violence with a snatch of the Crystals' notorious 1962 single "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)." That stopped me in my tracks.

I knew I was reading it correctly but what the heck kind of song was that? The story behind the song in no way, shape or form endorses or glorifies abusive relationships. It gives you a glimpse into the mind of a young girl. I had to go to YouTube to give a listen (I do not own the rights to this song nor do I profit from it):

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

He hit me but it didn't hurt me

He couldn't stand to hear me say

That I'd been with someone new

And when I told him I had been untrue

He hit me (da da da ah) and it felt like a kiss

He hit me (da da da ah) and I knew he loved me

If he didn't care for me,

I could have never made him mad

But he hit me (da da da ah) and I was glad.

So there's more to this than meets the eye. It appears that she cheated on him which is why he hit her. But she thinks it's a sign of love. He wouldn't have been mad if he didn't care, right?

Yes, he hit me (da da da ah) and it felt like a kiss

He hit me (da da da ah) and I knew I loved him

And then, he took me in his arms

With all the tenderness there is

And when he kissed me (da da da ah), he made me his

(Da da da)

Yikes, right?

This song was written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King. They wrote it when they found out that their babysitter, Little Eva (Boyd, of 'Locomotion' fame) was being abused by her boyfriend. When they asked her why she put up with that abuse, she said his actions were done out of love.

If you listen to the song (and I hope you do) you will notice that it sounds kind of whimsical and young girlish. This song is about falling in love with the wrong person, being so blinded by infatuation that you submit to their abuse, and thinking that it's done out of love. Yep: the girl in this song is living in a fantasy world where if the guy didn't care about you, they wouldn't be mad and hit you. Sheesh.

It's amazing what you can find out about songs if you dig deep enough. But I'll tell you one thing: in my own situation, that wasn't what it felt like. And as you can imagine: that song did NOT get a lot of radio airplay. Too controversial. I think they made the right choice.

Blanket Bathrobe Sweater

 Two or so years ago I was in Walmart shopping for a couple of things that only Walmart carries. I had some time to kill so I wandered over to the women's department to see if there was anything fun on sale. I was in luck! They had a nice section of clothes on clearance. So I perused a couple of racks and then I saw it: this really nice, long, cozy knit cardigan sweater. Bingo! Checked the size: mine. Checked the price: $5 on clearance. Whoo hoo! I put it in my cart and headed for the checkout.

When I got home I showed Brie. "Look at my $5 cardigan! Isn't it great?" She agreed. "It doesn't have buttons though." "That's okay, for $5 I can just pull it closed. I am a great bargain shopper!"

I started wearing the cardigan the very next day. It was so soft and warm, and it had pockets. 😀 Lots of bang for those five bucks.

After a while though: I started to notice something. It seemed like the sweater was...growing. It seemed...longer. That was weird; but it could have been me! But Brie noticed it too. "Um mom...what's up with that sweater?" "I'm not really sure, but does it look like it's longer to you too?" "It majorly stretched so yeah: a lot longer!"

And over time that sweater grew, and grew, and GREW. Even the sleeves elongated, so I have to roll them up a couple of times to get my hands out. The pockets are now too low for my hands, and the sweater itself is below my knees and I'm 5'10". It's more like a blanket than a sweater; and I can wrap it around me like a bathrobe. So I'm not quite sure what kind of knit they used for it, but it's obviously a stretchable knit! It now looks ridiculous on me but I'm still wearing it. I'm getting every penny out of that $5!

Here I am in my bargain sweater. Don't be jealous over how flattering it looks on me! 🤣

Third Time's the Charm!

An email went out to the employees a couple of weeks ago. Once again, they were offering free headshots to employees.  The last time they did this was in May, and I was rather disappointed in the result of my new photo. Now was my time for redemption! I have a sassy new 'do, I'm feeling good and cannot wait to show the world!

Erin was doing the photos from 10:30 - 12:30, so I figured I'd go over a little early so I wouldn't have to stand in line for almost an hour like last time. Smart move on my part: I was the only one there, and got there before the photographer. I was wearing a new dress, hair looked good and even though I felt a little nervous, I was anticipating this new photo.

Erin came, he set me up and started taking photos. I felt really good. Then he showed me the small shots on the camera and we picked out two that I really liked. Then he sent me happily on my way and I waited patiently for him to send me my copies.

And waited. And waited. I wondered what was the holdup? The last time I had the picture the next day.

Then I began to worry: had he lost them? Did he think they were terrible and was hoping I'd forget about them? I could have sent an email nudge but then figured eh: it was what it was and if they came: good. If not: maybe better. So I went about my merry way.

Monday evening I happened to see that I received an email from Erin. It was my pictures! I eagerly opened the attachments -

And was crushed again. Don't get me wrong: Erin did a GREAT job. But here's what I keep forgetting when it comes to me. First of all: it's hard for me to see myself as others claim to see me. This is because when I was in college, a "friend" of mine told me that the guy I was seeing told her that "I was the most unattractive black girl he had ever met". If I'd had more self-confidence back then, I would have known that she only told me that (it was a lie) because SHE wanted to date him (never happened). So somewhere in the back of my mind, that little thought hangs out to this day. 

Plus: I don't wear facial makeup and never have. My reasoning for this is because that way what you see is what you get and it doesn't get any worse, haha. I knew someone who always wore heavy makeup. One day I went to her house to give her a ride to work and she answered the door without makeup. The contrast was quite jarring, to say the least, so I knew I was making the right choice for me to be bare-faced. But now I'm starting to wonder! And hey: I'm not 30 anymore so...it's all good.

I hemmed and hawed about if I wanted to post the picture. What the heck: it's me and as I used to say: the camera only takes what it sees!

The World Keeps Getting Smaller

 The part of my job that doesn't turn me on is having to call students to return the computers we loan to them. I start out with emailing them, then I call them if I don't hear from them. Once people hear "SUNY Adirondack" they usually hang up because they know they're guilty of absconding with the computers! What they DON'T remember is that they signed a form that says if it isn't returned: they will be charged for it. You'd be amazed at how quickly you hear from them when they get a letter from collections.

But that isn't exactly what this post is about.

I was going through my list a week or so ago, and got to the name Lydia. She has had a laptop since August of 2021. So without a lot of hope, I called her on August 8, but her voicemail was full. I called her again on September 11 and surprise: I was able to leave her a voicemail. But the biggest surprise was she called me back! She said she was sorry and of course would return the laptop. She said it had been a rough year, what with a house fire that had sent her fiancé and son to the hospital.  I commiserated with her for a minute. As we chatted, she mentioned that they lived in South Glens Falls. I said I live in South Glens Falls! Then she said she lived on Spring Street. I used to live on Spring Street! What a coincidence! So she said she would bring in the laptop by Friday.

I'm sitting at my desk this afternoon and a woman of color stepped in. "Hi Rita! I'm Lydia and here's your laptop." "Wow, thank you so much Lydia. I see there's no power cord." We both laughed and she apologized, saying she did have it and would bring it to me on Monday. She then asked me if I had lived in this area long. I said I sure have. She said, "Did you know Bill Harris? He usually walked around the area with a leather satchel over his shoulder. Walked everywhere." I racked my brain but couldn't place him. Turns out he was her grandfather. I said, "The only person named Harris that I knew was LaRue Harris." She gasped. "That was my grandmother! I got a chill when you said her name because that's  not a common name. Did you know Stephanie? She's  my mother!"  And yes: I did know Stephanie and her twin brother Stephon. I knew their mother LaRue because she was one of Marie's best friends, and Marie used to do her hair and she'd bring the kids with her. She really was one of my favorite people, right up until she died.  I didn't recognize the name Bill Harris, because I only knew him by the name Harris as LaRue's husband. That's all she ever called him!

The coincidences kept piling up. "Paul Ramsey was my uncle." "He was one of my brother's best friends! (he died in May) His sister Mary used to be one of my good friends back in the day!" It was amazing the number of people we had in common, but our paths had never crossed. The world really is small! By the time we were done, we felt like WE were related! And it all happened because of a missing laptop.

That encounter really lifted my day. I think we were destined to meet so we could share some memories of people that we have / had in common. It never would have happened if my boss didn't have me make those calls. I'll chalk it up to a God thing, and something good happening on this particular Friday. 

Thanks for reading: and have a great day!!

Where's Keith?

 That's a good question. I arrived at work before 8 a.m. Accompanying me is a bucket of KFC that I put in the work refrigerator when I arrived. Why do I have this? I'll give some background and then explain.

Keith is my 2nd oldest brother. He is 3 years older than I am. Seems like I've spent a good amount of time looking for him over the years. It began when he was around 14 years old. He and Carl, the oldest, had a big group of friends and they'd be out and about in the neighborhood. Of course Carl knew when to come home, but not Keith! Marie would ask, "Where's Keith?" and Carl would just shrug. Then Marie would send ME out to look for him, at late elementary school age. And when I would finally find him and tell him mom said to come home, he would cuss at me all the way to the house. What fun for me!

One time when he was still a teen, Marie sent me to look for him. I couldn't find him anywhere. When I went back home without him, she panicked. She told my father to call the police and as he was about to do so, there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and there was Keith being brought home on a stretcher! Marie thought the worst but the EMT just laughed. "He's fine, but one of his friends had taken a bottle of booze from his parents and the group of them got hammered. He's fine, just needs to sleep it off!" Keith was laughing and saying how much fun they'd had, and Marie was threatening him within an inch of his life. Good times!

Fast forward several years. My sister Robin had bought herself a sassy red Nissan sporty car. It was so cool! And on occasion she would let me drive it, IF she was also in it and I was taking her somewhere 😒 Anyhoo, one night I get a call from her. "Ugh, can you go pick up Keith?" I asked, "Where is he?" "I let him borrow my car and he got in an accident. He's at Beakfast" (our nickname for our local convenience store). "Oh brother, I guess so." So I got in my little car and headed to the convenience store where I found him with a police officer. And as always, for some reason he was mad at me. So he cussed at me and told me that he only had one sister, and it wasn't me. Okay: bet. Robin: you can have him!

After that we had very little contact for many years. No skin off my nose, since he only had one sister, right? But after Robin died I guess I became the sister because he needed favors that she would do. So occasionally I would help him out. He would call, I would roll my eyes but I'm a nice person.

Maybe five years ago, Keith called me and said he was leaving town for a while. "Where are you going?" "Don't worry about it," and I didn't. A couple of days later, Clancy called me. "Where's Keith? I can't get ahold of him." I repeated the cryptic message he had given me before he left. "Oh, so where do you think he went? He never goes anywhere." I said, "For some reason I think he went to Texas."  "Not mad at that. Carl can keep him for awhile." A few days later I was proven right when a car with Texas plates showed up in Marie's yard, and Keith and Carl got out. Sheesh, why the secrecy and drama?

Then four years ago I realized I hadn't heard from him in a few days. This was highly unusual. I mentioned this to Brie and she said, "Be thankful for small favors." I called Clancy and asked if he had heard from him. Nope. Finally Keith called me one evening. "Hey, can you do me a favor?" "What?" I said. "Give me a call in the morning." "O-kay, what am I calling you for?" "To make sure I'm still alive." "WTF Keith?" "Don't worry, just call me."

So the next morning I dutifully called him before work. No answer. I tried again. No answer. I texted Clancy to see if he'd heard from him.  'Where's Keith?' and told him about how he told me to call him. Nope, he hadn't heard from him but said he would call him.  I called again, in a panic. Finally he answered. "What is going on? Why didn't you answer?" "Oh sorry, I've been really sick and wanted you to call me to make sure I wasn't dead." SERIOUSLY Keith?? And by the way: he did almost die. It was covid, but we didn't find out until later because no one had heard of covid yet...

Now we'll skip to yesterday. He had asked Brie and I if we could pick him up the Tuesday chicken special and Brie said yes. So after work we go to KFC, get his order and drive to his apartment. I called him from the parking lot. Voicemail. I waited a minute and called again. Voicemail. "Where the heck is he?" Brie asked. I answered "no clue" and called again, leaving a voicemail. Brie said, "I'll give him 2 minutes and then I'm out. He knew we were coming!" It's a locked building so I couldn't even go to his apartment door. I thought about where he could be, then realized he might be at the Eagle's Club, where he is a member. I called there, but the person who answered said he hadn't been there that day. Huh.

Finally we went home, perplexed. We put the chicken away in case we heard from him. I got a text from my youngest brother Clancy. "No luck finding him?" How did he know I was looking for him??? So I texted him back, and he told me that he had stopped by the Eagle's club and someone told him someone called looking for him. 

FINALLY Keith called later that night. "Sorry, I was sleeping." I'm thinking 'that's better than being DEAD' and told him we would drop it off on our way to work the next day. I would call him when we were on our way. Then I let Clancy know he had gotten in touch.

So today Brie and I are on our way to his house and I call him. No answer. We get to his house and call him. No answer! We didn't want to be late for work so Brie said, "Eff it" and we left. I thought he would have called while we were on our way but NOPE! Then I apparently got the short straw and had to take the chicken in with ME because my department has a bigger fridge so I could store that bucket of extra crispy. And that's why I have a bucket of KFC.

By the way: he finally called me this afternoon and said sorry, he was still sleeping. He also promised he'd be home and awake after we got out of work, and to just call him to come down. We did, and were finally able to give him his food. And hey: he tipped us $10 for our troubles. I'll count that as a win!

A Giant Toddler

 A couple of weeks ago, I had the misfortune to contract an ear infection for the first time. I was less than pleased, to say the least. Was fine on Saturday, then woke up Sunday morning in pain. A couple of other fun symptoms came with it, so I was treating myself with over the counter meds. Eventually the ear pain went away yet the stabbing headache did not. 

So off to the doctor I went, where I was given an antibiotic. This took care of everything but the lack of hearing in my left ear. I was told that it could take up to two weeks for it to come back. Bummer.

But then, last Tuesday evening, I got up to go to bed and whoa! I was feeling rather lightheaded. I've had dizzy spells before so knew I'd be fine in the morning. Guess again! It was still there in the  morning. I had things to do, so I got up and headed out the door. Well, thought I was heading out the door until I kind of ran into the wall. WTF? Brie asked if I was all right and I said yep: just going to the bathroom. 

Let me tell you a little bit about vertigo: it's like being a giant toddler just learning to walk, careening and crashing through the hall to get where you're going. Vertigo is a sensation of motion or spinning that is often described as dizziness. Vertigo is not the same as being lightheaded. People with vertigo feel as though they are actually spinning or moving, or that the world is spinning around them. That's what I had. Luckily I was able to make it to the bathroom without hurting myself, then I made it back to my room and laid back down, sweating from the effort.

Again, I figured it would go away in a little bit. Brie was concerned as I couldn't go to work but I said I'd be fine after that day. Wrong! Because my ear was still clogged, it did not get better. My equilibrium was messed up. By Friday I was driven to the doctor by one of Brie's friends. The good news was: I had lost eight more pounds so now I am only four pounds away from my weight goal! The bad news was the ear infection was still there so they had to flush out my ear, then pick at it, then flush some more. They called in three new prescriptions for me to start. Seriously??? They promised that these meds would do the trick and give the ear time to totally heal. So I'm on a steroid, something to stop the dizziness and a nasal decongestant. Trying to coordinate the spraying with sniffing and whatnot is for the birds, and you can taste it afterwards. Gross! Thankfully it's only once a day but still...The dizziness is still here but bearable: I'm hoping by the time I'm halfway through the steroid it will clear up. My ear is trying! I'm able to slowly walk with just a hand out in case I head for the wall. But I'm at work today so there's a plus.

It's been quite the year for me, but I'm still standing (albeit a little crooked, haha). This too shall pass. Then I promise the rest of the year will be amazingly good for me! I'm basically a pretty healthy person so this has been a bit of a shock for me. But I have faith and I keep looking up for the blessings to fall. I know they're coming, so stay tuned! 😊

I Miss These Ladies!

 I was cleaning out my email today (yeah, it seems like I do this a lot) and came across a document that my former coworkers Pat and Amy had made for me. We worked in a really tough department, Executive Customer Service, but we managed to suffer through and become close friends. We shared each other's lives and helped each other as only true friends can. My birthday was coming up, and this is what they did for me that year: gave me a birthday week of poems and treats! I only wish that the colors and font had shown up!! I had forgotten all about this, but I'm glad I found it. Patty-Cake and Amy: I still love you 💛💛💖💖 Thanks for the memories.

RITA'S BIRTHDAY

Monday – November 18, 2013

If love and appreciation is what you seek,

We’d like to welcome you to your birthday week!

Instead of a week filled with compromises

We’ve filled your week with fun surprises!

Although each gift may be small and sweet

It has all been designed as a special treat!

No girls needing things, no “hey can you spot me twenty?”

If anyone deserves spoiling, it is you, and plenty!

So sit back and relax, sweet Rita dear,

Through God’s great grace, we celebrate another year!

So what shall we start with? Should we take a lookie?

Whoo-hoo! It is some of your favorite cookies!

Enjoy with love!

Pat & Amy

Tuesday – November 19, 2013

It’s Tuesday my friend and that usually brings tears

Sometimes we need help to battle those fears.

Here’s just the thing to help with the task!

No, it’s not a vacation and it isn’t a flask…

We’re sorry to say that it is not made by the Swiss

It isn’t Godiva…but on our budget: Bliss

We love you the same, and we hope it’s a hit

Your very own bags of some dark chocolate!

Happy Birthday Day Two, and this week is for you!

It couldn’t be one bag…why that just wouldn’t do!

Here is the thing, and we don’t even care

They’re for you to enjoy and you don’t have to share!

Blissfully yours,

Pat & Amy

RITA’S

BIRTHDAY

Wednesday- November 20, 2013

We are half-way through, this week about you

And your birthday is just in one day!

Today’s special treat…big surprise…you can eat!

But it is one of your favorite things!

What is soft and chewy and round…

But not so good for avoiding the pounds?

Through the magic of birthdays, calories don’t count

So enjoy your bagel and don’t you pout!

Not just a bagel…but of course there is more!

Because many a hijinks and hullabaloo is in store!

What is sweet and dark…yet delicious and true?

(Well, of course, besides the obvious…you)

One of your favorites, straight here from Dunks!

A medium dark-chocolate  hot chocolate in your cup!

Enjoy the sweetness our sweet!

Pat & Amy

Thursday – November 21, 2013

Today is the day that we celebrate Rita!

When we think of lovely ladies, no one could be sweeta!

There are so many people you touch with your heart

Couldn’t name them all…wouldn’t know where to start.

Amy’s not here, surely there’ll be no bad prose

But she plans ahead…you should know she’s a pro

Just like an actress, a poet or president

Today’s lunch special honors a State Farm resident

Mark has put together some of your favorite things

Mixed them up in a salad tossed with a zing!

Not everyone gets such great recognition

With that air of authority, you’ve forced our position.

So Rita, sit back and enjoy all the fuss

With this gift certificate, your lunch is on us!

Tastefully Yours,

Pat & Amy

Friday – November 22, 2013

The week has now finally come to an end

We have loved spoiling one of our dearest friends

Whenever you’re sad or blue or just down

Remember this week and toss out that frown

We love you Rita...even your irrational fears

We’ve uncovered a lot of them over the years

We think you are perfect, just as you are

Our team shines brightly…you’re one of our stars!

Some things are harder to find than others

Good honest people and hard-working mothers

You are not only those, but oh-so-much more

We wish you blessings with sweet surprises in store

Here are some last minute things and we hope they’re a hit

Some cherry life-savers and your fave: Alpha-Bits!

Happy Birthday Week! We L-O-V-E you!

Pat & Amy

Rita,

You do such a great job of giving freely from your

heart every day of the year. We both wanted you to

know just how special you are to us, and how much

we really do appreciate and love you. Never

underestimate the value of yourself to us because

you are truly dear to our hearts; it is hard to put into

words.

Wishing you birthday wishes the whole year through.

Love Pat & Amy