Thursday, June 9, 2016

It Could Only Happen To Me

When it comes to stuffed animals I like to pick out my own. I have to study their faces, gauge personality and think how it will get along with the others. But occasionally Schmoop-Dog likes to pick up one for me.  So knowing I like dinosaurs, he picked up a pillow-pet dinosaur in his favorite color: brown.

I didn't mind the pillow-pet. I didn't name it or anything, but I had it on my bed. After awhile I decided since it was a pillow-pet, perhaps I should use it as a pillow. That's when the trouble started...

Apparently this pillow-pet did not like being used as a pillow. I would Velcro it together and it would be too high and bumpy to be comfortable. I would lay it flat and it would be too flat so I'd put it on top of my regular pillow. Because of the material it was made out of: it was too hot...You get the idea.

Then I started waking up and it would be gone. I'd find it behind my bed on the floor. I lost count of how many times I'd pick that thing up, put my head on it, and have it escape during the night. What the heck was wrong with that thing?

Finally one morning I woke up and began my morning ritual. I went into my bathroom and washed my hands. I looked up into the mirror and saw this red line in the middle of my forehead. Curious, I touched it. It was blood. There was a slit in the middle of my forehead: oozing blood. Where did it come from?? Not my nails: they weren't that thin. Not the Fuzzywigs: they didn't get near my face. The only other logical conclusion: the dinosaur did it! While I was sleeping that thing attacked me!

Once Brie stopped giggling she said, "That is ridiculous! Why would the pillow-pet attack you?"

"Because it hates me for sleeping on it and knows I don't like it! That's the only explanation! It does have teeth and claws!"

"Um...okay mom. But the teeth and claws are made out of cloth." She walked away but I could still hear her giggling. And that was pretty much the reaction I got from Schmoop-Dog too. So much for love and support!

When I went to bed that night I looked at the thing lying innocently on the bed. "You've got one more chance to act right or else you're out of here!" Yeah I showed it who's boss!

The next morning I woke up rested and refreshed. I got up, played with the puppies, set Lilly on the floor and got Pumpkin to put her on the floor too. I opened my room door and they ran out. I heard Brie in the bathroom and called out good morning. Then, when I turned to close my bedroom door it happened: I was attacked from behind! I screamed and turned around swinging. Brie came running out of the bathroom yelling, "What's wrong? What happened?" The Fuzzywigs were barking. I turned around and looked at the floor. There, in a heap, was the pillow-pet! "Did you see that? It attacked me!"  That's right: that freaking thing attacked me from behind.

Brie laughed until she cried. "Mom, the Velcro attached itself to your sleep bonnet!" (Please disregard the fact that I may or may not, in fact, have a sleep bonnet.)

Then how did I do all that stuff in my room and never feel a thing? All the bending and lifting with the dogs? Nope: it was laying there innocently but I know what really happened. It jumped on my neck! It was banned from my room from that point on.

I wanted Schmoop to take it, but he said that we should give it another chance. Why: so it could finish the job?? He is relegated to the first floor landing with a pink tee shirt draped around it. Because Schmoop thought it might be lonely he bought it one of those big-eyed beanie babies to keep it company and domesticate it.

So even though it looks all cozy with its new best friend, I keep a wide berth. I'm not going to give it a chance to do anything else! So Schmoop, when it comes to stuffed animals for me: thanks but no thanks!